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Merry F*cking Christmas
By Mr. Garrison

I heard there is no Christmas in the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs
They believe in Mohammed and not in our holiday
And so every December I go to the Middle East and say...

Hey there Mister Muslim, Merry F*cking Christmas
Put down that book "The Koran" and hear some holiday wishes
In case you haven't noticed, it's Jesus' birthday
So get off your heathen Muslim a$$ and f*cking celebrate

There is no holiday season in India I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings and that is just absurd
They've never read a Christmas story 
and they don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why in December I'll go to India and shout....

Hey there Mister Hinduist, Merry F*cking Christmas
Drink some eggnog and eat some beef and pass it to the missus
In case you haven't noticed, it's Jesus' birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu a$$ and f*cking celebrate

Now I heard that in Japan everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods and put needles in their skin
On December 25th all they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan and walk around and say...

Hey there Mister Shintoist, Merry F*cking Christmas
God is going to kick your a$$ you infidelic pagan scum
In case you haven't noticed there's festive things to do
So let's all rejoice for Jesus and Merry F*cking Christmas to you

On Christmas Day, I travel around the world and say
Taoist, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too!
Merry F*cking Christmas to you!

(Clap, clap, clap)
Thank you Mister Hat!