We are out
of milk. Now this may not seem like a big deal. Every household has it's
out-of-milk episodes. But dammit, it's hard to live without milk. You
can't have a normal day without milk! Pretty soon, you're entire state
of living as you know it will be in confusion, you won't know what to
eat, what to drink, the house will be in total disorder, your animal
instincts will come alive and you'll be on the verge of attacking
someone! Ok, a little extreme i know... my mind is going haywire! But
that's what happens when i don't get my cereal! Blame the milk...
Me:
We don't have milk! I can't have breakfast! *panic*
Mum:
Eat something else!
Me:
No!
Mum:
Have some coffee...?
Me:
With no milk!? Ewww...
Mum:
*hands me a cup* It's artificial whitener.
Me:
I'm not sure I wanna drink artificial milk... *looks inside the cup
and hesitates*
Mum:
Oh just drink it!
Me:
*takes a sip* AAARGHHHHH YUK!!!!!!!!! *spits it out* ewwwww... this is
GROSS! What are you trying to do to me!
Mum:
*evil grin*
Don't
ever try that stuff. I'm warning you! It's horrid. Just go without
your coffee, you'll be thankful later.
I
think vending machines are out to get me.
In
between long lectures, we usually have a 10 minute break. Obviously,
everyone interprets this as being a quick sugar hit. After all, you
can't make it through 3 hours of philosophy without some extra help...
So,
naturally, I run out to the full-of-goodness vending machine, stare,
drool, and finally elect my choice of confectionary. I wait in line
behind the other eager students, watching them. Slip the coins in,
press your selection, wait for the sweetness to drop, grab it up, and
run off giggling. It's amazing what amount of hope a single serving of
jelly beans can bring. You can see their expression evolve from
fatigued, to eager, and finally to something which resembles a
newfound inspiration to head back into that lecture room. Oh sweet,
sweet, junk food, how you tease us.
By
this point I'm almost ready to push in line. I want my m&m's, and
I want them NOW! I'm getting edgy, bouncy, I swear I almost hear
myself growl. And then finally I'm standing in front of the clear case
production, viewing a world of shiny and colourful packaging. Cookies,
chips, cheese puffs (!), skittles, jelly babies, mars and picnic and
snickers bars. I lust. I drool. I rub the loving hunk of metal. Peanut
or plain? It takes me a while to decide, but I choose peanut because
I'm feeling special.
I
slip the coins in, they clink and clack as they reach the bottom, I
push on the buttons, I see the package swirling, breaking free from
it's friends, heading toward a great fall.
And
then it stops. It doesn't move any further. It's hanging on by a
corner of it's wrapper. IT'S STUCK!
Nooooo!
I scream, I stumble back, refusing to accept the fate of my dear
commodities. 'Someone', I cry out! 'Anyone', I plead! Help me!
The
girl behind me moves forward quickly and puts her arm around my
shoulder, trying to comfort me. I silently consider that her actions
are merely a ploy to move me out of her way, so she can get to the
sugary treats herself! 'It'll be OK', she mumbles, 'We'll just find a
strong guy!'
We
look around. Excuse me, Mr Big Male, could you get my m&m's out?
Please, I'm desperate! Help my babies!
He
examines the situation, carefully constructing a plan of action. Then
he grabs hold of the machine and he shakes it violently. He kicks, he
pushes, he even grunts! But it is all in vain, the package remains
unmoved.
With
the lecture commencing, I take a last look, sigh, put my head down and
pass a gathered crowd of onlookers before heading back to the room,
defeated, $1.60 short, and with nothing to show for it.