|
superkate: journal
supervic | superjen | supersar | superkate
150901 » classy pissed idiots
listening to | jeff buckley \ live a
l'olympia
wearing | daggy cords and my jeff buckley shirt that i have not worn for
aaaaages
feeling | seriously seedy
last night was our chemical
engineering formal dinner.
the chem eng formal dinner is
notoriously the biggest piss up of the year, which is a pretty big deal
when you consider all the piss ups NUChES (newcastle university chemical
engineering society) puts on.
for the second year i a row i
assisted in the organisation of the dinner. it is absolutely incredible how much work goes into one of
these things. small things like
organising seating arrangements can take hours - not only do the students
have to be happy, but so do the sponsors and the academics.
i turned up to the venue (the bar
on the hill) about half an hour early in order to set up my laptop with the
projector for the powerpoint presentations i had made up to advertise our
sponsors and for the stupid quotes impeller awards that we give out each
year. as i was setting up, our
guest speaker, the deputy vice chancellor (dvc), brian english, approached
me and asked me if i could assist him with his talk. i got to schmooze with the second in
charge of newcastle university.
*yay* hehe. he loved me. :D
the dinner ran really well (even
though we were an hour behind by the end) and everyone consumed an absolute
shiteload of alkimahol. after
dinner we traditionally give out what are known as 'impeller awards' to 2-3
people from each year within the department. i had to present the third year awards this year (even though
i'm fourth year) and as such i had to remain relatively sober until after
this. tripping up the podium and
falling on my arse in front of my lecturers and members of industry would
not be a good look.
a second year, named little johnny,
almost received a standing ovation when he was given the award for being
the most annoying person ever.
haha. he was wearing a
chenille scarf. *weird* guy.
fourth year chris was awarded an
impeller for going out one night and being hit in the nose by a flying
dildo and then proceeding to bleed profusely. what someone was doing throwing a dildo around the mercury
hotel is something that has been troubling me.
another fourth year, rohan, got an
award for drinking so much that he passed out at the kent hotel for four
hours, only to wake up and find the pub closed. one of the guys he was competing against in that category had
been so drunk that he once literally walked through a glass door and
smashed it to pieces. he didn't
need a door there anyway...
then, of course, there were the
infamous stupid quotes awards. i
feel i need to explain...
you see, the computing lab is the
hub of social activity within chemical engineering. it is where all the guys compare their
porn collections and where we chat to each other on msn even though we are
about 3m away from one another. it
is also where many, many stupid things are said by generally intelligent
people.
for this reason a file was created
on the network that anyone could access whenever someone said something
worthy of being recorded for prosperity... and most of the time the things
that are said are taken completely out of context. at the end of the year we go through the
quotes and decide on who shall win the lecturer and student stupid quotes impeller
awards at the dinner. the
lecturer's award is named ‘the bodzio’ after a lecturer who is renowned for
his unusual comments during lectures... he won again this year. the student award is called ‘the
sumitra’ after a singaporean girl
who was on exchange at our uni last year and who came up with some
shockers! she said the most stupid
things ever. lol. this year little johnny won the
sumitra. here are some examples of
some quotes from this year.
student quotes:
"I
want to go on a diet where you eat nothing but Kate Moss."
Hensley to general public 5:30pm 26/4/01
"If
I was a hot chick all I'd do is root all the hot chicks." Foota
1:32pm 16/5/01
"Yeah,
that's right... I will put my ovary in my hand and Timi will cum in it and
then I will shove it up my box and have a kid." Corey
explaining the finer points of reproduction to Little Johnny 5.07pm 16/5/01
"We
sound like a pass of picked cunts." Foota
10:57pm 4/6/01
"Have
you ever seen little baby mice?
They look like baked beans."
Henry 19/07/01
"How
is vodka a vector?" Henry 10:01
20/7/01
"Lobotomy
by penis." MacNish 6:01pm
20/7/01
"You
look like Mallory from Family Ties." Foota
to Little Johnny 4.20pm 26/7/01
"You're
going to bust some male dominance in my arse."
Hensley 1:43pm 9/8/01
"I'm
not up for that", "Yeah, that's why we call you Flaccid
Ashley." conversation between
Little Johnny and Ashley 12:30pm 27/08/2001
"Spit-roast"
Khalid "Can someone remind me
what that is again?" Emma
"I
feel like I am being born... I can't breath properly... my head hurts"
Little Johnny upon putting a stocking over his head
bodzio quotes:
"Mickey Mouse is the same as Michael
Jordan if you put him on a stool." Bodzio,
some time some where
"I
could blow, or just wait for you to feel my heat." Bodzio
explaining heat transfer 9:50am 24/7/01
"I'll
just do a bit more hocus pocus and then I'll put it in at the end." Bodzio
9:45 am 10/08/01
"People
say that even a monkey can plug the numbers in. Obviously this is not true." Bodzio
10:19am 10/08/01
obviously not all of these are
appropriate for display in front of sponsors and academics, and as such
much cullage of the quotes is needed.
once the awards were finished it
was time to play catch up and, naturally, much red wine scullage
occurred! we got the waiters to
bring any 1/2 full bottles of wine from the other tables to us. :D up until this stage i had mostly been
drinking beer in an attempt to pace myself, and i was avoiding the white
wine as it tasted like shite.
while drinking much wine i chatted
with friends. one of these friends,
andrew, i rarely see drunk. when he
is drunk he acts exactly the same as when sober, only he says stupid
things. last night he told me he
was pregnant with twins and tried to show me his stomach. This wife… erm… girlfriend then
took him home. timi’s girlfriend
also made him go home, instead of into town, because he was too drunk.
see people, this is why we do
engineering - $1900 worth of beer and wine in less than five hours.
an hour or so later it was time to
head into town. we all met up at
the great northern and i hit the pints.
i was pissed by the time i got to the great northern i now
realise. apparently two of my
friends had a spew at the northern and then decided to go home. after a while we got sick of how crowded
the northern was, so we headed to the cbd to see if bryn (he used to do
chem eng and we are trying to figure out how he got a job at the cbd
because you have to be good looking to work there and he isn't - we think
he must be the janitor) was working.
more beer. lots of
dancing. dancing on podiums. dancing up the front of the podium. dancing with poles (but only for a few
brief seconds). then a nerdy young
guy started rubbing himself against me.
*runs away* at 4am the club
was closing, so we made our way back to foota's brother's place.
i woke up at 11am and realised i
was sleeping under a giant rug. i
looked to the side of the bed and saw the stringless guitar foota had
drunkenly been 'playing' while he mockingly serenaded me by singing jeff
buckley. next to it was the comedy
dog poo he had put in my bed.
my head hurt really really bad...
but i could still remember most
things. *yay*
then we made our way to burger king
for some grease to hopefully alleviate that queasy feeling in our stomachs. we were still in our formal gear. people stared at us. i was finding it difficult to stand up. the whole time we were eating foota and
i intermittently injected "this is so gonna come back up" into
the conversation. i said "i
feel like shit" a lot. i
literally had the shakes. every
time i brought my drink up to my mouth my hand shook.
but the food stayed down and an
hour or so later i was feeling much healthier. though i gotta say, roundabouts are evil when you feel like
spewing.
previous | next
|