Food For Thought... For the Coaches!
By Breezy Humes
Stuff I've Seen... And Didn't Like
If you're a coach...
Don't have organized practices. That way, we will bounce around randomly from place to place, position to position, activity to activity, and be completely confused when it's over. Better yet, don't have practices at all. We won't be confused then, just completely incompetent.
You played Little League, so you know everything. Don't study fast pitch. We like looking like a bunch of idiots on the field.
Be sure to make a big production out of taking one of us off the field in the middle of a game after making an error. But don't forget to yell at us out there first. It makes a great impression on the spectators.
When we lose a game, be sure to point out the one player who lost the whole game for us. Humiliate her really good in front of all of us. It makes you look so powerful.
Get in the umpire's face over a call. That way, everyone will see that our coach isn't scared to get thrown out of a game.
If your daughter is on the team, let her make up the lineup, pick the starter from among her favorite friends, and choose the assistant coaches. She will save you lots of time.
Don't let on to the parents and other spectators that they shouldn't ride players on either team or the umpires. It is so much fun to listen to all the dirty words from the stands.
Make sure you take care of your player and parent problems in front of the whole team. We want to know all the dirty details. While you're at it, open a beer, light up a cigarette, and throw in a bunch of four-letter words that we are trying so hard to learn. What are role models for anyway?