Food For Thought... For the Players!

If You're A Player...

Don't come to practice. That way, you will prove to everyone that you were born knowing how to play and you don't need to work as hard as the rest of us.

Bad mouth the coaches so you can undermine their authority with our team and other teams. Everyone knows coaches don't really have feelings.

Make fun of those of us who say cheers during games. It makes you look cool, unlike those silly college and Olympic teams who cheer all the time.

Say bad things to the players on the other teams so they will hate us. We don't want to give anyone the idea that we're good sports.

Be a slob. Keep your dirty uniform stuffed in your bat bag and then wear it for the next tournament. And whatever you do, don't tuck in your shirt until the umpire orders you to.

Be a bully and pick a victim on your own team. Shun her and don't let her into your "cool" clique. Make fun of her when she makes an error or strikes out. Just ignore it is she makes a good play. It makes you look mature and grown up.

Throw a baby fit if you have to sit out, or don't get to play "your position." Your antics are very entertaining; we wouldn't want to try to keep focused on the game anyway.

Eat a lot of greasy, fast food on tournament days when it's over 30 degrees outside. That way, you can barf in the dugout and feel rotten for the rest of the day.

When (and note when) you strike out, act like it's the first time it ever happened to you and be sure to throw your bat and helmet in the dugout. There's a good chance it will bounce back up and hit someone.

Whatever you do, don't take the coaching. Glare at the coaches, talk back, walk away, throw down your glove, be disrespectful. Show them who's boss. Remember, unlike players such as me, you were born knowing how to play this game.