From: Suzy (squeegy1@aol.com)
Subject: Doctor visit/Drugs
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Date: 2003-03-03 08:45:41 PST

I went for my first visit to the doctor last Wednesday. As I tend to do
when confronted by anyone in a position of authority over me, I cried a lot.
I told her how I feel and why there was no need for me to feel the way that
I am because everything is perfect. Towards the end of the visit, she said,

"You're not suicidal, are you?" I nodded my head 'yes.'

And I told her of what I have tried, the methods and how they didn't work
out. She asked me if I had any plans to try again, I was smart, I said no.

After only about 45 minutes of talking, she gave me some Lexapro to try out.
Today is day 6 of the drug and I feel aweful. I am tired even more than
usual. I yawn a lot. I can't sleep though. I wake up at ungodly hours of
the morning (okay, so 8:45, but usually I don't wake up until 10) and I
can't get back to sleep. I feel nausous a lot and I can feel the drugs
affecting my mood. That "fakeness" that we can all see. I don't want to do
this anymore, but I feel like it's the only option left.

Back to te point, though, I told her I was suicidal. I told her of
wandering around the house looking for somewhere to tie the rope to. I told
her of standing atop a tall building wondering what it would be like to
fall. I told her of my silly little failed attempt 5 years ago.

No white coats yet.

I think you're pretty safe with what you say unless you talk about future
plans.

!
Suzy