ISSUE 1 APRIL 2002
THE VOICE OF ANARCHISM IN THE STROUD VALLEYS
 
Free/Donation

INBREDS ALERT: FOX HUNTING SCUM TO RALLY IN GLOUCESTER
The parasitic, fox-torturing, rich inbreds in the Countryside Alliance have announced to their members that a committee of ‘hunt representatives’ (read ‘particularly vile rich toerags’) will be marching to the DEFRA office in Gloucester on April the 12th to hand in some pathetic message to be passed on to Alun Michael. This is to mark the beginning of what they’re calling the ‘Summer of Discontent’ (no relation to the ‘Winter of Discontent’ by working people in the ‘70s, or to last year’s anti-capitalist ‘Summer of Resistance’ in that these two seasons were for the power of the powerless, whereas this season is to be for the power of the previously powerful who have

 

 become too thick to hold on to it through inbreeding), which may or may not culminate in a massive ‘civil rights’ march in London.

CIVIL RIGHTS?

Civil rights? Bollocks! These rich landowners are really taking the piss when they whinge on about a hunt ban attacking the ‘rights of a minority’. What sort of right is it to chase a small animal several miles, watch it being pulled apart and then smearing the blood on their children? It’s sick.

BOLLOCKS!

What does the fascist backed

  Countryside Alliance know about civil rights anyway? Where were their members during the struggles to free slaves? Owning slaves. Women and gay liberation? Actively opposing it. The Miners’ strike? Cheering on the police. We cannot think of a single instance where they have ever supported the rights of another minority, yet they kick up a huge fuss when by sheer fluke MPs try to pass a useful law which would spoil their three centuries long tradition of violently dismembering animals.

THEY SHALL NOT PASS

Well we’re having none of it. These greedy rich pests need to be opposed and shown that they don’t represent the views

  of the countryside, and certainly don’t care about rural poverty whatever their claims. One anonymous group has told us: "We’re going to burgle their houses while they’re out, burn their parked posh cars when they’re unattended, mug them, kidnap them and boil their brains for tea". Nice! Maybe you’d like to join them or take their place if they don’t turn up.

However, this time we’re just going for a simple peaceful picket at the end of their march, the DEFRA offices, so if you’d like to join us in organising that e-mail svanarchos@yahoo.co.uk, or just turn up and hope we’re there (if we’re not, feel free to shout abuse at them on your own). See you there!

MASTS UP YOUR ARSE

  

WHAT HAPPENS TO MCDONALD'S PEOPLE DON'T LIKE No. 1

Residents of the Cainscross Parish of Stroud have been doing a bit of direct action recently. Some mobile phone company wanted to set up a mast in their neighbourhood without telling them.

Understandably, people didn’t want a great big radioactive mast spreading cancer to their children, so they’ve started a campaign to get rid of the thing, beginning with a stroke of genius by some enterprising people blocking the site with their cars. This is an important

  

campaign, and we urge
everyone to help in anyway they can.

As you will all no doubt know, the cops are trying to have some extra-cancerous masts stuck around the place so that they can rush more promptly to defend their filthy rich bosses from those of us who try to get some sort of living back from the bastards. We hope people will take at least as direct an approach as Cainscross residents have.

    This little beauty is from the December 2001-January 2002 onwards uprising in Argentina. Obviously it's not just loony lefty anarchist hooligans in northern countries who hate McDonald's, contrary to what the media would have us believe. For more info on why McDonald's are a load of shit and their bosses should be castrated, try www.mcspotlight.org for loads of info, or www.mwr.org.uk for the fun workers' point of view.

WE WANT MORE ROYAL FUNERALS

  

THATCHER TRAGEDY: SHE'S NOT DEAD
On Saturday the 31st of March 2002, the Queen Mum, a rich gin soaked, former Hitler appeaser and supporter of the vile South African Apartheid regime did us all a favour and finally popped her clogs. This followed the example of her daughter Princess Margaret only a few weeks before, giving ant-monarchists great hope that by the end of Jubilee year all the Windsors will have exterminated themselves, saving us the trouble.

While the mdeia choked us all on its disgusting sycophantic drivel, one member of the Movement Against the Monarchy (www.fuckthejubilee.com) e-mailing list captured the nation's mood with this touching reworking of Elton John's "Canadle in the Wind":

Goodbye rancid hag,
Though you never worked at all,
You had the cheek to drink for hours,

  

Until you couldn't talk.

You'd crawl under the table,
And shout out to your crew,
To spend our hard earned money
On a horse at 5 to 2.

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Waxy, stiff and pointless
And you reeked of gin.
And I would have liked to meet you
To tell you this
Your sponging, parasitic life
It really took the piss.

World War 2 was tough
Though rationing, it passed you by
You had to manage with pheasant
And duck, and veal and pie.

And weren't you all at Windsor
When the Germans hit your place?
Still, at least you're able
To look the East-End in the face.

Goodbye rancid hag
From the man who's pleased to see you go
If Maggie's due there with you soon
Perhaps you'll let us know

  Great sadness was expressed all over
the country the other week as doctors revealed the awful truth - Magaret Thatcher, hated former Prime Minister, was, despite all physical appearances, not dead.

THE BITCH IS NOT FOR DYING

One man told The Stroudie of how he heard the dreadful news: "I turned the news on late and they were showing footage of her career, so I thought 'great, she's done a Princess Margaret' and got ready to open the Champagne to celebrate, when it became clear she'd only been told to shut up."

NOT GONE

"Ideally she should have been drowned at birth," said another woman, "but I suppose we

  have to be thankful for the small mercy that she'll never make a bigotry filled speech again.
But I still wish she'd do the decent thing and drop dead. After all the royals have finally got the hang of serving the public and started dying, why can't she?


AND NOT FORGIVEN

Local anarchists, who planned to try and give her such a fright as to trigger one last fatal stroke when she came on her planned booksigning in Cheltenham, are still unsure as to whether the trip was still on.

If she comes we'll give her a reception to make her regret it," they said. "After what she did whilst in power, especially to the miners, she deserves a long and horrible death."

PVC IN BRISTOL

  

HARI ROBERTS' HOROSCOPE

If you're a rich parasite living off taxpayers' money and land and wealth stolen from the poor, with a penchant for horses, foxhunting and strong alcohol, the location of the guillotine in Mars signifies that this year is a good year to die.

However, the bad news is that the presence of the village idiot with an English poodle in the white house warns of impending nuclear holocaust unless someone shoots him soon.
Some enterprising people in Bristol, going under the name of 'People's Vengeance Club' have been doing a great public service recently.

They've been paying 'visits' to the property of particularly loathsome prominent figures

  in Bristol, such as bosses and politicians, and giving them their just desserts.

Just one example was the house of one politician had it's windows smeared with pig shit! Let's hope this is indicative of the national mood.

 
DECLARATION: The Stroudie is written by Stroud Valleys Anarchists. We've exaggerated things, made up quotes etc. So do other papers, we're just honest about it. If you are an anarchist in or near the Stroud Valleys, and want to stop us giving you a bad name, get in touch at svanarchos@yahoo.co.uk and send in articles and stuff so we can make future editions of the Stroudie more balanced. Although we reserve to reject articles if they're boring. May the last capitalist be strangled with the entrails of the last politician.