Because Monica Lewinsky may have to testify at the impeachment hearings before the Senate, they say she has gone on a very radical crash diet. Oh, sure. Now she's worried about what she puts in her mouth.

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Recently a very important meeting took place between God, the Pope, and Moses. They were troubled because the President of the US was behaving in an inappropriate manner. They decided the only course of action was to create another commandment in order to get the message across to the people but the problem was in the wording--how to word it so that it matched the other commandments in style and Holy inspiration.After much soul searching and meditation, the eleventh commandment read like this:

Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff.

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Bill and Hillary are out driving in the country near Hillary's hometown.They are low on fuel, so Bill pulls into a gas station for a fill-up. The attendant comes out and begins to pump gas into the First Couple's tank. As he is doing this he looks into the passenger window. "Hey, Hillary. We used to date in high school, do you remember me?" he asked. They chat for a few minutes, Bill pays and they leave. As they drive away Bill is feeling proud of himself and looks over at Hillary. "You used to date that guy? Just think what is would be like if you had married him," he says smugly. Hillary looks at Bill and shrugs. Then she replies, "Well I guess you'd be pumping gas and he would be president."

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Pearly Gates

Hillary is waiting at the pearly gates and St. Peter comes up and says, "I know you were somebody down on Earth, but you are just like everyone else up here,so you will have to wait your turn. Hillary takes a seat and notices this wall covered with clocks. She also notices that every now and then, different clocks jump 15 minutes ahead of time. When St. Peter returns, Hillary says, "What's with all the clocks?" St. Peter replies, "Well, each clock represents a man back on Earth." Hillary asks, "Why is it that some of the clocks skip ahead 15 minutes?" "Every time a clock skips, that means that a man has committed adultery," answers St. Peter. "Which one is my husband's clock?" inquires Hillary. "God has that one in his office," answers St. Peter. "He uses it as a fan."

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Clinton's mother prayed fervently that Bill would grow up and be president. So far, half of her prayer has been answered.

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One Sunday morning, Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in Georgetown and his name is Matt." After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to talk with you. Your Mother and I have been married a long time. She's a wonderful wife but she's never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I have fooled around with other women a lot Matt is actually your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him." Chelsea was heartbroken, but after eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June." Again her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Robert is your half-brother too, Honey.I'm awfully sorry about this." Chelsea was furious! She finally decided to go to her Mother and tell her. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," she complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the guy is my half-brother." Hillary just shook her head. Don't pay any attention to what he says dear. He's not really your father."