engineers
Comprehending Engineers, --Take One
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? "We must
have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor Chimed in, "I don't know, but
I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the green
keeper, let's have a word with him.""Hi George. Say, what's with that group
ahead of us? They're rather slow,aren't they?"The green keeper replied, "Oh,
yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."The
group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I
will say a special prayer for them tonight."The doctor said, "Good idea.
And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything
he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Comprehending Engineers-Take Two
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine
fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer
who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly
took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end
of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the
machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is". The part was
replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill
for $350,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an Itemized
accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark
$000.001 Knowing where to put it $349,999 It was paid in full and the engineer
retired again in peace.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate
with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an
Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal
Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with your order?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.Just
look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
The nervous systems are composed of many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether
it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said
he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the
lab and get some work done."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
An engineering student was walking across campus when another
engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. "Where did you get such a great
bike?" asked the first. The second engineer replied "Well, I was walking
along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on
this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and
said "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly "Good choice;
the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
