De Story Of Behosafuff

by Evil Eggplant

Once there was a little boy named Johnny. Now, Johnny was a good little boy. He always obeyed his parents and got good grades at school. He loved God and God loved him. He loved Jesus and Jesus loved him. He loved Buddha and Buddha loved him. He never broke any of the Ten Commandments. But the Devil noticed little Johnny and decided to have him run over by a bus. But just before this bus hit, Johnny wanked off, and out of that wank sprang BEHOSAFUFF. Now BEHOSAFUFF noticed that he was somewhat lacking in the genital department, so he went off in search of someone even smaller than he was. First he went to a whorehouse, but the whores were all bigger than him. Then he went to see the Statue of Liberty, but she was bigger than him too. Then he went to see Bill Clinton, but he was bigger, too! So he went off in his misery and bought hisself a HUSTLER. And as he thumbed through the pages of this HUSTLER, he saw an ad for a penis-pump. He got him one and popped it right on his little crotch. He wildly pumped it up and he was just so fucking excited but then it BLEW UP. Suddenly, he realized his ambition in life was to be a woman. So he just whipped out a knife and cut hisself a TWAT. He tossed out the penis pump and got a balloon pump, so's to blow him up some huge-ass titties. So he went to work, but the helium in his boobies done lifted him up off the ground! As he floated about, blood dripping down on the cityscape from his freshly-sliced snatch, he looked down and noticed how all the people looked like li'l ants. And the people looking up noticed that there was this enormous pair o' mammaries drifting by through the sky, and this pair looked nothing like li'l ants. But the dream was destined to end all to soon-- he kept on pumping into those breasts like there was no tomorrow, and the pressure popped the dang things while he was still in the sky. Down he came, plummeting like a rock, and he landed in the parking lot of a Luby's Cafeteria. But just as he hit the ground, he discovered that his TRUE ambition in life was to be... a speedbump. And his wish was fulfilled, because just at the exact spot where he landed, a gun-totin' maniac drove up and hit him with his truck. Now this maniac had previously been planning on crashing into the Luby's and mowing down a few civilians, but our friend Behosafuff the speedbump changed all that. You see, now that his truck had suddenly stopped, this maniac got to thinking... and he realized, naturally, that his true ambition in life was to be a smurf. So he painted himself blue and set himself to prancing about in revealing white clothes, singing the "La-la Song". That's the End.