The Wall
I don't know when I first began to build the wall. I suppose it
was when it occurred to me that I could keep people out of my life
by building a simple wall. The wall would be a kind of boundary ---
A kind of protection. At first the little wall was only knee high.
It was really quite attractive, made of native stone I had found
in my life.
The wall was so small that some people didn't notice it --- and
fell flat on their faces. Others saw it, but would step over it
and come very close to me. I found this very uncomfortable. So
I built the wall higher. This was really much better. Soon I found
that people would come and rest their arms on the wall while
talking to me. Some stayed too long and some were not my kind of
people. Even when I edged the top of the wall with sharp stones,
they didn't seem to notice.
One day one of them vaulted over the wall and stood right inside.
This made me angry. I decided to build the wall higher. As I
continued to build, I became more and more self-sufficient. I
painted designs on the stones. I made arcs and colored windows that
distorted the light so that one could neither see in or out.
The wall pleased me so that I longed to show it to someone ---
or explain how I had achieved each design. But I realized that no
one had stopped by to talk for some time. Some walked by not seeming
to notice my wall or me. Others stood sadly by and watched me build.
I thought they were jealous of my wall and I resented them ---
all of them.
One day a man stopped to listen as I explained how I was building
the wall. He wanted to come inside to see what I was doing. I
explained to him that the whole purpose of the wall was to keep
people on the other side. But I could tell he didn't understand or
care. As he left I went back to build the wall higher.
I became so absorbed in my wall that I found little time for
anything else. I searched my life for new and different stones. I
found stones that I didn't even know I had. The design was very
important to me. I would build and rebuild until it was just the way
I wanted it. Some stones were so dear to me that I polished them
carefully several times a day. Then one day I realized the wall was
so high that I no longer saw anyone go by. I no longer heard anyone.
Everything was quiet. --- "Is anyone there?" I yelled. There was no
answer. It was dark inside the wall and the air was foul. I sat
there for a long time. It was quiet and dark and lonely. Only the
whispers of my memories could be heard.
I thought of those who did not like my wall, who had laughed at it,
scorned it, and been jealous of it. I sat in the shadows and
listened for someone to come and tell me that they really liked it.
But it was dark and quiet, very quiet.
I don't know how long I sat in the shadow of my memories, but
one-day I noticed that one of the stones didn't match as well as I
had thought and the wall was crooked. This was too much. I had
thought my wall was perfect, but it was not. Frantically, I examined
the wall and, sure enough, there were other imperfections.
To add to the pain of my discovery, one day someone yelled from
the other side. --- "Your wall is ugly. It is twisted and gray and
misshapen!" It was the day the flower fell at my feet that I began
to cry. I ran to the wall and climbed to see who had thrown it over.
By the time I reached the top, no one was there. I returned to the
flower and sat for a long time looking at its perfection. I began to
see the folly of my wall and its imperfection.
Floods of tears brought me to my knees. --- "Oh, I am so alone, my
wall is too high. My wall is imperfect and ugly. Everything is in
vain. I have nothing left. Won't someone help me --- Please?"
Then a strange thing happened. Something inside me stirred as a
baby quickens in its mother's womb. And in the stillness of my
broken world I knew in my whole being a blessed presence. I knelt
there in wonder that God would come to me. And I wept with joy that
I was not alone --- and that His blessed light
had penetrated my darkness.
For days I stood in the joy of His presence. My wall shone with the
warmth of His light and I no longer felt cold and alone. I knew that
He had watched me build my wall and that He had waited patiently
for me to see it was in vain.
Finally it occurred to me that He would know why my wall was so
ugly. When I asked Him, He began to teach me. Day by day He showed
me my error. He gave the stones names. --- "This stone is jealousy.
You must remove it."
Sometimes I would be reluctant. For days I would protest. This was
my favorite stone. It was one I had saved and cherished for years.
When I was finally ready, He helped me remove the stone.
One day when we had removed one of the heavier stones, a hand came
through the opening, --- "take it", He said. Hesitantly I took the
hand. For a long time I stood in the warmth of that grasp. Somehow
I knew the hand and the one behind it had been waiting for an
opening in my wall. There stirred in me a hunger and a longing for
human comfort. At first I thought His presence within my wall was
enough. But with the coming of the handclasp, I knew He had come to
tear the wall down. A part of me wanted to spring forth but another
part of me cried out in fear. Why couldn't I keep a part of the wall?
His presence was enough. I looked at all the stones I had collected
throughout my life. Some were still in the wall. The others He had
stacked neatly in a corner. If I ever chose to rebuild the wall, I
could. I begged Him to throw them away but he told me that in them I
could test my strength. How they tempted me!
One day when He didn't seem to be around, I dashed over and picked
up a cherished stone to rebuild my wall. It was then I realized, if
I were to be strong enough to live without the wall, I would have to
know the stones were there. I would have to know the name of each
one. In knowing their names, I could not use them again without
betraying Him.
As we removed more stones, the light came in. And His light would
shine out. I began to look through the open places. I could see
things I hadn't noticed for a long time --- dewdrops, ladybugs,
sunbeams, and blades of grass. He told me many things and gave me
gifts. The more I talked to Him, the more I wanted to talk to Him.
I saw things I had never seen before and heard things I had never
heard before.
One day as I was standing by an open place, a man stopped to talk.
I told him about God and how He had changed my life. The man said he
understood. --- But, he said, "if that's true, why do you have this
block of resentment in your wall? I can't see Him. The stone blocks
the way." I looked and sure enough, one of my most prized rocks lay
directly in front of me covering nearly one side of the wall. It had
been one of the first stones I had placed. It was a large conglomerate
of disillusionment, childishness, stubbornness and other petty stones
I asked the man if he would help me remove it. I was so ashamed that
God might see this large rock. The man did loosen the stone and I
thanked him as he went on his way. I wondered how I could ever remove
that stone without help. I really tried. I tugged and tugged and
struggled and struggled but it only moved slightly. I sat down in
despair. I knew the man was right. The stone must be removed. ---"Oh
dear," I said. "How can I ever remove this one! It is so big and I
am so weak." --- "You cannot move it," He said. ---"But I must," I
replied. "The man said he could hardly believe you were here with
that stone in the wall." --- "If you really want the stone removed,
I will remove it." We went carefully over to the wall and chipped
away each small stone until the large one was diminished.
Even with the stone of resentment gone, people kept stumbling over
debris and remnants of the wall as they walked through my life.
There was a woman who knew Him and had let Him tear down her wall.
She walked in and sat down on one of the stones. I told her what
He had done for me and she told me what He had done for her. I told
her how I had suffered so and that I would never forget how forsaken
and lonely I had felt inside my wall. --- "Yes," she said, "self-pity
is a terrible thing." When she left, I found the stone of self-pity
in my wall. It was wet with my tears. I dried it off and laid it with
the other stones. The wall was almost demolished. I looked around at
the entire world I could see. I thought of His great love for me and
breathed a deep sigh of satisfaction and pride that I should have
come so far. ---"Look how much I have accomplished," I thought. "How
much better I know Him, than some of those others out there. Poor
unenlightened ones who don't know Him nearly as well as I. It is so
easy. Why can't they see?"
Overwhelmed by all He had done for me and all He had taught me, I
stood upon one of the remaining stones and began to tell anyone who
passed by what the God had done for me. I was appalled that no one
seemed to hear or understand what I was saying. I told them how dark
and lonely it had been inside the wall. And how He had come to help
me tear it down. How vain it was to build walls. I noticed others
working on walls and ran over to plead with them to stop, but no one
would listen. In my frustration I cried out --- "Why can't they hear?
Why can't they understand? Why can't they believe me?" I lay face
down on the stone I had stood upon. It was extremely large, highly
polished. It had been my great prize. It was more than life size.
--- "Do you want the answer to your question?" He asked. ---
"You know I do," I sighed. "Raise your head and look at the stone
you are lying upon."
I raised my head and gasped for I saw my own reflection in the
massive stone. There was pride in my look and manner. I knew the
stone was pride. Quietly we removed it. Now we could see beyond the
meadow and a path led forth from where I stood.
Then He said a strange thing. --- "Now you must go. I will go with
you and yet I will stay here." --- "But I don't want to leave," I
protested. "The wall still stands. There are other stones to remove.
I want to be here with you." --- "I said I would go with you. There
is an opening in the wall for you to come and go. Do you remember
the flower that fell at your feet, the hand that you clasped, the
woman who showed you self-pity or the man who showed you
resentment?" --- "Oh yes," I sighed, "Oh yes." --- "Then you must
go and do likewise. For to whom much is given, much is expected.
Wherever you go, I go with you. And whenever you come back here
to be tempted or to remove more stones I will be here."
So I went forth. Soon I saw a wall builder. He had just started to
build his wall. I saw pain and hurt in his face --- and confusion in
his frenzy to build. I leaned against the wall wanting to tell him I
understood. But the stones were placed so that the sharp edges cut
me and I retreated in pain. I stood by the wall nursing my wounds.
In sadness I watched him build.
Soon his wall was so high I could not see him and my heart ached
because I knew it was dark and lonely inside. I called to him but he
could not hear. The ugliness of the wall was unbelievable. I reached
out and touched it, leaned against it. I don't know how long I was
there but one day I heard someone yell, --- "your wall is ugly. It
is twisted and gray and misshapen."
I know the presence of God is with them, too. We pass on the path
and a great love passes between us. I see peace in their eyes and
faith in their hearts and I know that someday the walls will be down
and we will all walk free from place to place ---
The Great Family of God.
