* "Well, yeah, I heard you give the homework assignment. I just didn't realize we were supposed to write out the answers. I did the work, I really did! It's just all in my head.

* "Can I go to my locker? You didn't tell us to bring our textbooks everyday!

* "I thought semester exams were a group project. Honest, I did.

* "Cheating? No way. I never cheat. I was just , uh, trying to, um, see the name brand on Sarah's watch. See, I've been working an extra job so I can buy my grandmother one just like it.

* "But I wasn't talking! Okay, yes, I was Moving my mouth. And yes, Sounds were emitted from my vocal cords. But it's not what you think! You see, I'm trying to learn ventriloquism. It's my only chance for a college scolarship.

* "Well, it's not that I'm actually late. I'm just really time-sensitive impaired.

* "I know it looks as though I'm chewing gum, Mr. Fields, but actually I'm simply exercising the bonecular structure of my jaws. It's a medical thing.

* "Well, no. I wouldn't actually call this a note that I'm passing. You see, I'm . . . doing research. I'm gathering information from students who are extremely challenged by your thorough ability of imparting knowledge, and I am in the process of creating a book proposal on the educational climate of prospective learning-enhanced pupils who draw upon that learned behavior of emitting quality results to institutional testing programs."

And here's the all-time humdinger of an excuse:

* "The homework assignment? Well . . . yes . . . I'm aware I didn't turn it in. You see, Mrs. Foster, this is really bizarre, but last night there was, uh, this tornado-thing that swept through our neighborhood, and uh, well, my homework assignment was completely destroyed.
"What's that? You live within a mile of my house and didn't hear anything about a tornado? Hmmm. That's interesting, Mrs. Foster. And I believe it ust goes to show that Mother Nature acts in unexpected and unexplainable ways.
"What's that? You'll expect a five-page typed report with footntes and research cards on unexplainable acts of Mother Nature to be tured in tomorrow morning? Okay, can I just be real honest here? I know this may come as a total shock to you, but I was just kidding. I never actually even did the homework assignment. Is there any possible way I can just turn it in tomorrow even though it'll be a lttle late?
"Tomorrow will be fine? Oh, thanks, Mrs. Foster! You're the best. You really are.
"What's that? Along with my five-page typed report on unexplainable acts of Mother Nature, you also want a seven-page typed report on the pitfalls of procrastination? Uh, Mrs. Foster, can you give me any information on military school?"