Wednesday

December 15th
[mood flippen hyper]
[music don't tell me]
. Dud3... no wonder people think I do drugs sometimes! I just downed like... 3 Pepsi's in a row. HYPER. So, I uploaded a new dollie just now! She's the lower half a doll I'd made before. So, she's all completed! I don't know about dolling... like, I love it, but, I'm not good at it. My friends lie and tell me I am (<3) but I don't agree. I mean, sure, I think I have an eye for design (I've been an "artist" since I was very little; my mom is a PWN artist.), but I mean, YES, it TAKES talent to make dolls. Visions of fabulous dolls I have, but talent, I lack. So, yeah. Maybe I'll start dolling again. Who knows. :3

Monday

August 30th
[mood meh]
[music my happy ending]
.   Arr. Grr. Screw you, life! *Brandishes finger, erh...fist* I don't even know. I'm all depressed. It's like...what's the point of having a site anymore? Yes, I know that all you lot like it apparently, and think my layouts are great and stuff. But...why bother? This site doesn't determine who I am as a person. And it's not like I'm always adding dolls and such. I don't even doll anymore. I'm a poser doller. I go around, giving advice/CC and such on TG, etc., and then I don't even have any work of my own.
    I made my last doll forever and a year ago, and now all my dolls are old and ugly. I don't see the point of maintaining a doll site when the webmaster isn't a doller himself. Sure, making layouts is fun. I have so much of it. I have all the power *Cackle* over what is on this site, and what it looks like. I choose the colors, the position of things, and my words, of course. But I have nothing to show on it. I don't know what I'm even talking about. I'm not even depressed about this.
    Life sucks. I'm really, really, really, really, really tired of roleplaying on the HP message boards. What's the point of that? It's just a bunch of snooty kinds who THINK they can roleplay, jumping, pouncing, snuggling "Oh my gosh, other totally cute, snufflyable roleplayers! Totally!" Meep this and meep that - I don't care. HP used to be my life. I was on my ass almost every day, roleplaying my heart out. I SUCK at roleplaying (Girls, don't argue). All I do is string a bit of words together. But...compared to all of the other people, I guess I am a great roleplayer.
    Everyone else is like, "Oh. Gotta be a serious roleplayer today. I just HAVE to type a serious post." Translation: Serious post = HELL OF ANNOYING AS SHIT LONG POSTS. I saw some idiot who was trying out for a past roleplay. Her try out play was six posts long. SIX. Just type a novel and send it off to Scholastic Books, why don't you. No one cares that the grass was a mild shade of avacado, that the clouds were the shape of gumdrops, and that Marissa's alarm clock beeped thrice at EXACTLY 4:01 in the morning. Her mother proceeded to yell her name. Thrice.
    Learn when enough is enough, people.
    I know I'm ranting about people rambling, and I'm rambling about ranting. Complex and hypocritical. But as said earlier, it's my website. I can do what I want.
    What I want to do is just go away for a while. But I can't. I've got online friends (Ironically met through damned HP) and I don't want to be away from them. I'd just die if I never got to talk to Crystal again. I love her so much, it's not even funny. It hurts when I go for a long time without talking to her. I nearly cried at the beach, starting at water, because I missed her so much. And Cara. Cara's my best friend. I love her more than I love most of my friends at school and stuff. I wouldn't trade Cara for the world. She's funny, a great roleplayer, CANADIAN, and plays rugby. Cara's one of the two people who can make me smile. Sonia, Radha, Carmen, Radha. LAUREN. GOD, Lauren, be online more. I'll cry.
    I can't leave for good because those people are my life. When I get home from school it's, "Gotta get on the computer. Must. Talk. To. Friends." No joke. Said before, they're my life. I don't know what I'd do, or who I'd be, without them.
    (YES. I said Radha twice. Deal with it). Beh. I don't even know why I'm so upset. I'm 16 now, and it's suddenly like I can't roleplay anymore, or look at the cursed Gryffindor colors. WHAT'S THE POINT? I spend a SHIT LOAD of time writing my posts. I get EVERY single Harry Potter book (even ones out of the series) that I own out, in case I need to make a reference. I even printed out a 20+ page list of Harry Potter characters, JUST so my posts could be better. And guess what? I post it in a roleplay. The people read it. The people type their own post, and post it. BAM. It's my turn again. In TEN minutes, the previous post will have been LONG forgotten. Left uncared for. ALL that time, just some someone can read it once and then push it aside.
    Do note, if you're one of my really close friends, I'm NOT talking about you girls when I say that stuff. You know I wouldn't. I care about you too much. You girls are what I consider to be REAL roleplayers. Lauren, you're the Queen of Fatty Long Posts, but your posts aren't overdone. Your posts are just the right length. That goes for everyone else I'm friends with. Well, the GnG group, anyways.
    I'm getting choked up. It's...12:10 AM and I have a meeting for school tomorrow. Well, TODAY, I guess. In 6 hours. @ @. I better get to bed. Sorry for rambling. Night; Bea. </html>