Written during the second round of the 2004 Stanley Cup Playoffs By: Leigh Davis Joe: *Warm-up skate starts* Let's get down to business To defeat the Sharks! *Watches as Paul does figure eights and triple axels. .... Raisea a brow.* Did they send me.... daughters? When I asked for sons? You're the saddest bunch I ever met *Nudges Svatos, who is naked and asleep behind the bench, tired from his hot sex with Steffi* But you can bet Before we're through *Turns, throwing his arms up in the air. JAZZ HANDS!* Avs, I'll make some men out of you *The warm-up skate continues on. They start shooting pucks on the net as Abby attacks random passer-bys* Tranquil as a rookie But on fire within Once you find the neeet *Points to net, just for clarification* you are sure to win You're a spineless, pale pathetic lot *Touches Rikku, who promptly falls over and passes out.* And you haven't got a clue Somehow I'll make some men out of you *Rolls his eyes, demanding that Paul take off his pink leotard and get into his hockey gear* Foote: I'm never gonna catch my breath! Svatos, who is skating around nekkid: Say good-bye to those who knew me! *hides from Joe, who is yelling at him to get dressed* Tanguay: Boy, was I a fool for cutting the morning skate! Abby, pointing at Peter, who is running around checking people to death: This guy's got 'em scared to death!! Ray(Yes, Whitney, who is posing as an Avs player to be close to PAUL!): Hope he doesn't see right through me... ! *Avoids Joe* Selanne: Now I really wish that I knew how to swim... *Pause music* Joe: Uh... teemu, for what? *They just stare at each other. Teemu shrugs and skates off. Music starts back up.* Avs: (Be a man!) Joe: We must be swift as the mullet wearers... Avs: (Be a man!) Joe: With all the force of a great defenseman... Avs: (Be a man!) Joe: With all the strength of a pissed off announcer Mysterious as the dark side of the moon! *Spins around, ice dancing and such as he sings. The spotlights come on, following him around the ice!* Time is racing toward us 'till the Sharks arrive Heed my every order and you might survive! You're being suited for this game, a war So you give up a goal and you're through How could I make some hockey-men out of you? *Joe rips off his jersey, revealing another jersey beneath it, one that SPARKLES -- it's his Broadway jersey...* Avs: (Be a man!) Joe: We must be swift as the greatest goalie... Barry Melrose: Belfour? Joe: Uh... no. *Moving on...* Avs: (Be a man!) Joe: With all the force of a great Avs fan! Avs: (Be a man!) Joe: With all the strength of Stanley Cup winner Mysterious as the dark side of the rink!