~^*Author's Corner!*^~
Jossy: Ah, okay, so I got this very strange idea one day while drinking juice out of this one Beauty and the Beast cup to do a parody using FFVII characters. A bit random, ne? Any who, this is what I got. Since I'm a Cloti fan I thought it might be cute and a few of my friends might enjoy it anyway! Okay Nakani, disclaimer, now!
Nakani: Do I have to?
Jossy: Yes, Duh-chan said that I may borrow you for disclaimer purposes.
Nakani: Why should I?
Jossy: Because if you don't I'll tell her about those hentai sites you look at when she's asleep!
Nakani: Baka! She's going to read this you know!
Jossy: Oh that is true isn't it? Oh well, I still want my disclaimer!
Nakani: Fine! Jossy does not own Beauty and the Beast, nor does she own Final Fantasy VII or the characters or anything that isn't herself because she's a lazy bum and there's no possible way someone like her could own them!
Jossy: ¬.¬ Oh gee thanks.
.:*Part 1!*:.
Once upon a time there was a handsome (*cough* Duh-chan says 'sexy' but anyway...) prince. He was very vain and selfish but he was a prince so I guess it was kind of an excuse. Anyway, one day, this said prince was admiring himself in front of a large mirror when there was a knock at the door. The young prince became quite irritated when none of his servants opened the door.
"Cid! Open the door!" he called.
"Open the #*%! door yourself I'm busy!"
"Well so am I!"
"Well I ain't opening it!"
The prince sighed in frustration at the insubordination of his servant so he reluctantly pulled himself away from his mirror and went to answer the door.
As he pulled the door opened he saw a girl in a pink dress holding a basket of flowers.
"Ewww! Flowers!" And the prince promptly slammed the door. He headed back up the stairs but suddenly a burst of energy blasted the door opened and the girl was holding a staff. She blabbed on about him being insensitive, selfish and a bunch of other unruly things while the prince yawned and wondered what color socks he would wear tomorrow. Fortunately our prince did hear the part where the girl said she shall turn him into a hideous beast. The prince of course could not allow such an act to happen but unfortunately before he could utter a word he was already transformed. He rushed to glance into the nearest mirror. He stared at himself and the face that looked back at him was that of some kind of creature that looked just like him if he was a teddy bear.
"Oh well, at least my hair still looks good," he shrugged as he made his way back to confront the evil witch who had set such a curse on him.
"Until you can learn to love another and receive her love in return you and your servants shall remain this way!"
"Oh so all of my servants are little fuzzy people now?"
"No you idiot! They're animate objects!"
"Animate objects? Don't you mean---" the Prince stopped as a black figure swooped down and plunged a sword through the stomach of the woman. As he went to draw the sword out, he suddenly turned into a candle.
"Darn it! You got blood all over my floor and I'm the only one who can get her body out of here! Stupid candle!" the Prince marched up to the candle and was about to kick it when it set his foot on fire.
"Crap! Crap! Crap! Owww! It burns!"
The candle stared at the fuzzy prince in awe of his stupidity. Then he sighed in despair, knowing that he'd probably be waiting a very long time before this curse was broken. So as the prince continued to hop and put the fire out, a rose appeared on a table out of nowhere. This was no ordinary rose however, it was mysteriously floating and a glass lid was over it. The young man immediately forgot about his burning foot and began to walk towards the captivating flower. He removed the lid and was about to touch it when it suddenly began talking.
"What do you think you're doing?" the rose questioned.
"Um, uh, nothing....um, where did you come from?"
"If psycho candle over there wouldn't have killed the enchantress that was in the middle of explaining things you wouldn't be asking me this. However, it can't be helped. I'm Vincent, if I die before you can get a girlfriend then you're going to be stuck like this forever."
"Man, that really sucks...ooo! Pretty mirror!" the prince began admiring himself once again.
"Hmm? Bad hair day?" the mirror asked.
"What?! How dare you make fun of my beautiful hair?!"
"That's Reno, the mirror. If there's anyone you want to see just ask him to show them to you," the rose explained.
"Sooo, how much time do I've got until you die?"
"About...twenty...I think it was twenty years..."
"Wow, you're a pretty tough rose!"
"Ah, you know not of what you speak," Vincent sighed in despair.
So the years passed, the body was disposed of, and no young maiden arrived for quite some time. Well there were a few that showed up, but they were usually lost or something or just really ugly and the Prince really didn't want anything to do with them. One stormy night however, a large cat with a moogle on its head arrived at the palace doors. The Prince refused to open the door to anyone at this point, however, this cat-moogle thing, named Cait Sith, barged right in.
"Is anyone here?" the robot-cat thing wondered aloud.
"I am," a voice said.
"Oh, where are you?"
"......"
"Hello?"
"Sheesh, Sephiroth, do you have to do this to everyone who comes in? We're on the table!"
"It's not a woman, I don't see a point in trying to help him out."
"Oh, I didn't realize that sort of thing was on your mind!"
"You know what I meant!"
"What's taking this guy so long to get over here anyway?"
"Um, I don't see anything over here...wait did you say on the table?" Cait Sith questioned.
"That's right on the table!"
"But there's only a candle and a clock here!"
"We are the candle and the clock you imbecile."
"Aw, calm down Sephiroth. He didn't know better," a clock bounced around.
"Does it look like I care?" a candle sighed.
"I dunno, it's been kinda hard to tell your expressions since you turned into a candle and everything," the clock replied.
"Whoa! A talking candle and a talking clock!"
"Whoa! A fat cat with a moogle on its head! Yo Rude! Come look at this!"
A coat rack hopped over towards the small group and appeared to look at Cait Sith, although no one could be sure considering it didn't have eyes. It did however, take Cait Sith's hat and coat and led him to a small room with a chair by a fireplace. An ottoman with the number thirteen tattooed on it, ran up next to the chair but growled when Cait Sith attempted to rest his feet on it. The candle, Sephiroth, and the clock, Zack, eventually caught up and somehow managed to get on top of another table next to Cait. Zack began talking about God knows what and a cart with a teapot and a teacup wheeled its way in.
"Good evening I'm Jessie!" the teapot greeted.
"And I'm Elena! You know what? If you go down the hall and turn left at the second hall, you'll find this door that leads in this room, right? Okay so then you jump five times, spin around while singing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, open the window and shout 'I'm a Pokémon master!'" the teacup exclaimed.
"And what does that do?" Cait Sith wondered.
"Nothing! It's just fun! Like if you go to the fourth floor and---"
"Elena! Shut up, please!" Jessie shouted.
"What?! I was just saying..."
"You talk too much," the ottoman spoke up.
"Ooo, it talks!" Cait Sith clapped with excitement.
"My name is Red XIII and I am not an 'it'," Red XIII responded dryly.
At that very moment, a harsh gust of air tore through the room, putting out the fire in the fireplace as well as on the wicks of Sephiroth. A menacing shadow pierced through the hallway, making its way closer and closer into the room. Jessie and Elena huddled together, making light tapping sounds as they shuddered. Zack held onto Sephiroth for dear life and Cait Sith hid in front of the chair.
:~*~:
Yeah, this seems like a good stopping point! Let's see now, what can I do to take up more space. Ah yes! Well I was going to flip the roles of Sephiroth and Zack, and make Zack the candle instead since he would act more like Lumiere but Duh-chan and Jade-sama told me to just stick with it so I did! Oh yes, and here's a little something I promised Duh-chan!
Extra-ness!:
Duh-chan: *dances on a table* I'm a spork! Look at me everyone! I'm a spork!
Ki: And I'm a broom! I sweep stuff! *sweep, sweep!*
Jossy: I'm a duster....T.T
Jade: I'm a piano! Listen to my BEAUTIFUL music!
Sephiroth: ....duster?...(thought process: duster+fire=GET RID OF JOSSY FOR GOOD!) Ahem, Jossy, I believe I have something for you.
Jossy: O.O Stay away from me!! *runs out the room*
Sephiroth: *chases*
Cloud: *watches as a duster runs out the room and a candle follows*
Ki: *sweep, sweep! ^_^*
Jade: BEAUTIFUL music! *plays um...beautiful music?*
Cloud: *sits down to eat*
Duh-chan: PICK ME! I'M A SPORK! *jumps up and down*
Cloud: ....What's a spork?
Duh-chan: You don't know? Allow me to educate you!
*duster and candle run through room again*
Duh-chan: ....Anyway! A spork is a spoon and a fork put together! Like the utensils they give out in the cafeteria!
Cloud: ....COOL! I want a spork!
Duh-chan: Yay! Pick me!
Cloud: Okay! I pick Duh-chan Spork!
Duh-chan: YAY!!!!
Cloud: Jade Piano! BEAUTIFUL music!
Jade: w00t! *plays more pretty music*
Ki: *sweep, sweep!*
:~*~:
I figured out why Duh-chan wanted me to be the duster! *sniff, sniff* And it wasn't very nice...any who! So I guess I should get working on part two huh? Or maybe you hate it so much that I shouldn't make a part two...YOU DECIDE! Isn't that nice folks? So I am off for now peoples! And that as they say, is that!