Jossy: And we're back again! Ohohohoho!!

Nakani: *walks in on crutches* ....

Jossy: Hey! What happened to you?

Nakani: Thanks to you I got my ass kicked because you went ahead and ran your mouth off about those hentai sites.

Jossy: I don't think Duh-chan would beat you up over something like that considering she's a pervert and all.

Nakani: I gave her the finger.

Jossy: .....*falls down laughing*

Nakani: *sigh* Jossy does not own Final Fantasy VII or the characters or Beauty and the Beast or Disney. She doesn't even own me, Duh-chan does. What's wrong with her? She doesn't own anything!

Jossy: *still laughing*

Nakani: She's hopeless. ¬.¬;;

Jossy: By the way everyone! Be sure to read my other one shot story Cast Away. I put it in the misc. section because it has two different parodies and characters from different anime and videogames. It came out kind of funny and pretty stupid but if you're looking for something random to read and one of my longest disclaimers then I highly recommend it!

Nakani: Of course you would, it's your story!

Jossy: Quiet muse of Duh-chan! Ohohohoho!

Affair II: A Fair Maiden

    "Thanks for the lesson today! I'll be back tomorrow!" a young woman named Tifa Lockheart left a martial arts dojo. She skipped merrily down a path through the town and towards her home on a hill at the edge of town.

Look there she goes 
That girl is strange but special
A most big chested mademoiselle!

    Tifa stopped and turned towards the singers.

    "Keep singing about me and I'll rip your vocal cords out," she threatened. The singers gulped and backed away and Tifa continued along her way. She passed by a bakery, a flower shop, and a few other stores as well as people; one person in particular named Rufus.

Right from the moment that I
Met her, Saw her
I saw her chest and then I fell
In this town there is only she
With breasts as big as these

    Rufus and his sidekick Heidegger snickered as Rufus held up a pair of melons. Tifa once again stopped and clenched her fists. Turning around, she walked towards Rufus and punched him in the face, then she kicked Heidegger into a fountain. "I am sick and tired of everyone singing about my breasts!" Tifa shouted as she made her way up the hill and into her home.

~:*:~

    "For the Planet's sake it's only Cloud!" Sephiroth the candle shouted as he pulled Zack off of him.

    "Well at least act scared of me!" Cloud sighed in despair. "So what does the fat cat want?"

    "Hell if I know," Zack replied as he hopped across the small table.

    "So let me get this straight, you let a stranger walk in my house as if it was nothing, give him a seat by the fire, serve him some tea, and you don't even ask what he wants? For all you know it could have been some kind of serial killer trying to kill us all!" Cloud grunted.

    "Well that's how it went in the original Disney movie," Jessie pointed out.

    "Well that's stupid," Cloud replied rolling his eyes. He turned to Cait Sith, "So I suppose now, I'm supposed to lock up in my dungeon until your pretty daughter shows up and then I can set you free and keep her for the rest of eternity."

    Cait Sith merely nodded as a way to hold back his laughter.

    "Sounds good to me," Cloud said as he grabbed Cait Sith and began dragging him to his dungeon.

~:*:~

    Tifa kicked the front door opened and then shut it right behind her. "Cait Sith! Cait Sith, are you home?" Tifa looked around the small home and noticed a letter sitting on a table in the kitchen. "Did that bum take off again?" She lifted the letter off the table and read it aloud. "Dear Tifa, I've decided to pursue my dream of becoming an exotic dancer. I won't be back so don't worry about me. I hope you have a happy life. Your Friend, Cait Sith."

    Tifa took a moment to let everything settle in. "An exotic dancer? Somebody Cait's size really shouldn't be an exotic dancer. Whatever." Tifa balled up the letter, tossed it into the garbage can, and missed. "He'll be back in a month or so." She opened up the door to her refrigerator and looked inside. "This thing is so small!" she sighed as she leaned in and grabbed a can of soda. She bumped her head as she pulled away and closed the door. She opened the can and took a sip. "Why don't I go somewhere? I'm sick of this place!" Tifa walked out her house and began walking. Where she was walking, she didn't know, she really didn't care either. She just kept walking and eventually came to a forest. She noticed that everything was white, kind of like when things become petrified. "Hmm, odd..." Tifa knitted her eyebrows.

    "Hey, can you help me?" Tifa heard someone talking but wasn't sure who it was. It was also muffled so she really wasn't sure if she heard correctly. She looked around and spotted a small petrified man. She made her way towards him and used a soft on him.

    "Oh thank you so much! I was getting sick of standing there!" the small child-like man exclaimed.

    "No problem, see you later!" Tifa smiled and continued along her way. Meanwhile the man, Blank, was about to leave when he got into another fight. The enemy unfortunately got a pre-emptive shot and petrified poor Blank.

    Tifa then came upon a drawbridge and a castle. She looked around and taking another sip of her soda walked across the bridge. "Sheesh, how much soda is in this thing?" She wondered aloud as she came up to the castle doors. She knocked on the door and at the same time wondered why she had even bothered to knock on a castle door. It wasn't likely that anyone would be living in there, with the dead landscape and all. So shrugging, she opened the door herself.  

~:*:~

Hmm, yeah, this'll serve as my stopping point for today! Oh and I'm not too sure if I should change the rating a little higher, if you think so let me know. And now! Here's t3h special!

Jossy: I'M A POKÉMON MASTER! Hey! Elena was right, that is fun!

Duh-chan: Look at me everyone! I'm an apple today!

Ki: Just hope no one gets hungry today!

Cloud: *walks in* From the window! To the wall!

Jade: *starts playing the song*

Ki: Oh sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep! Oh sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep!

Duh-chan: I'm an apple!

Jossy: WHAT?!

Duh-chan: I'm an apple!

Jossy: WHAT?!

Duh-chan: I'm an apple!

Jossy: OKAY!

Duh-chan: YEAH!

Jossy: Has anyone seen Sephiroth?

Cloud: WHAT?!

Jossy: Has anyone seen Sephiroth?

Cloud: WHAT?!

Jossy: Has anyone seen Sephiroth?

Cloud: YEAH!

Jossy: Where is he?

Jade: At the door.

Jossy: OKAY! *runs away*

^o-o^;; End of t3h special! All of these jokes make a lot more sense if you've seen Chappelle's Show (which I don't own! XP) or if you've heard Lil' John's songs. ^o-o^;;