+ After a day that seems to have never ended, I walk into my room, throw down my bag, kick off my clogs and plop down on my bed. On my bed I lay, staring at the ceiling, thinking nothing really. It’s times like these when I start to fear. I start to think silly, carefree thoughts until they change into a frightening globe of my own imagination. My mind wanders until I become paranoid and scared. I’ve got to go clear my head. I sit up, climb off my bed and slip my shoes back onto my feet. I walk out of my room and head for the backdoor. As I open the door, it’s as if a whole new world has opened up as I face a beautiful beach scene. The sky’s a portrait of the setting sun, the red and orange clouds and the once light blue sky changing into a menacingly dark purple. I slip off my shoes and carry them in my hand. I like the feeling of the grass under my feet. I walk down the grassy hill to where the grass ends and sand begins. The sand’s warm compared to the cool grass. The ocean looks like a giant mirror reflecting the sky. It’s times like these where I myself, like the ocean must reflect…

It’s in this time I think of my former self. A younger more naïve me if you will. It’s at time when I remember me being the most naïve, that of course being my relationship with Justin Sane +

:: I was new to this sport, young, practically still in college when I stumbled upon GPW. A place I had heard about from my previous job in HCWL. After HCWL went under, some of the former HCWL alumni went there. It was almost exactly like HCWL. Almost the same roster, the same format, the same, but different. Then, one day, one promo catches my eye. A new person had arrived. A gentleman that called himself, Justin Sane. I’d lie if I said I hadn’t been attracted to him. He’s height was a staggering 6’9 with his blood-red hair until he dyed it a sandy blonde. His eyes were a glossy, dark green. He was definitely different. He called himself the “Extreme One” which he could really attest to. He was definitely extreme, insane, even. He was a rather large man, in height and mass. He was definitely an intimidating feature.

I thought he was a joke at first; I paid him no mind. His name alone was a joke, although he implied it to be his real name. After being with Justin, I consider my own name a joke. I dare call myself an Angel? After all the things I let him do to me, I call myself Angel? I’m a fucking joke.

I’d really never had any encounters with Justin until we met in a brutal three-way match for the GPW TV Title. I was truly unimpressed with him until that match. I’d previously won the Hardkore title that night so; I was feeling pretty good about myself. Justin had then won it off me; our Hardkore belt had a 24/7 stipulation. After Justin had won the match, I won my Hardkore belt back from him. Needless to say, he was pissed…or so I thought.

In the days after, Justin said he had a new found respect for me and we became allies. I was a little unsure about this shaky alliance. I had basically no other allies, so I figured, “ What the hell, might as well.”

We worked pretty well together, conquering our opponents and obtaining many victories. I considered Justin a friend, seeing as how he always showed his gentler, friendlier side around me. As I learned more and more about Justin in that, he shared the same fear I had. A fear of being alone. I guess the time we spent together was more out of necessity than anything else. I thought he was a sad soul, a tortured soul. I thought I could help him. Help him ease the pain. Help him to feel needed; to feel wanted, to feel…loved. Little did I know, that was all to change.

Weeks went by, and I noticed Justin showing some strange behavior. I was so confused, seeing him talk about all this stuff about, “ExD” ExD? What the fuck? I instantly confronted him. He told me ExD was a stable that he and Lance Tanner had formed. If I wanted in, I had it. I didn’t really want to join; it was more of a peer pressure move. I had no choice. Be alone or be with Justin. I felt the decision was pretty easy. What a fool I was then.

ExD started out modest. Justin, Lance and I. Simple as can be. But we proved to be a force not to be reckoned with. With Justin’s leadership, and insanity, Lance’s strength, and my ability as a high-flying extremist, we were truly unstoppable. With ExD I was becoming closer and closer to Justin. Us becoming more and more involved.

I didn’t even know I was his girlfriend until he announced it to the whole world. I felt so cherished, so needed, so loved, so wanted. Justin gave me everything I wanted, everything I thought I wanted at least. I felt as if Justin was just using more for more physical purposes more than anything else. It’s like he only needed me because he felt as though he needed something warm in his bed. For as long as I can recall, out of the amount of time Justin and I had, he only said “I love you” once. It sounded so fake coming from him though. I just ignored it though; I didn’t realize how pathetic I’d become until it was too late. I was like some sick little puppy, following him where ever he went; worshipping the ground he walked on.

Justin wasn’t the same man I had fallen in love with. He looked the same on the outside but he was different. He changed into a sadistic, abusive, twisted extremely insane maniac. He was always obsessed with hurting someone. Including me. If not mentally, emotionally. If not emotionally, physically which was most of the time. Justin was never a gentle or sensitive man. Never had he held me or kissed me softly. It was all for his own sick pleasure. I can’t believe I put up with it for as long as I did. As I stated earlier, I was young and in love. I was naïve and stupid.

Justin began to startle and frighten me. Usually, I had just dismissed his behavior. I was sick of ignoring it; I had to end it. Before I could end it though, GPW was failing. When GPW started failing, ExD started to crumble. Justin and I grew apart and so, I bid him good riddance. I was glad to be though with him. He’s dead and buried as far as I’m concerned::

+ I feel a strong hand on my shoulder, which pulls me out of my thoughts. I turn to face a smiling Josh +

Angel: Josh, what are you doing here?

+ I ask choking back a sob +

Josh: I just came to see about you. Demonica said you’d be out here.

Angel: Josh…

+ I begin, but am unable to complete the sentence. My head falls and I feel a blood rush to my eyes and I feel warm streaks of tears gliding down my face+

Josh: Angel…

+ He lifts my head and takes my face into his hands. I can see his smile has faded and his eyes have a more serious tone. He uses his thumb to wipe away a tear rolling down my face. I stare into his eyes and I notice something I haven’t ever before noticed. More a second, Josh’s face manipulates into a vision of Justin’s cold, green eyes and his signature sadistic grin. It then, conforms back into the stern, concerned face of Josh. I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face into his neck, sobbing. He strokes my hair in efforts to soothe me. The feeling of his hand stroking my hair; the feeling of his soft stubble against my cheek; the smell of his hair; the scent of his skin; the feeling of security with his arms around me; the softness of his shirt; the warmth of his body. It’s all these things that calm and soothe me. It’s like there is no need for words; like an instant understanding. I pull my head away from his neck to face him and stare into his eyes. He just smiles back with a tender kiss to my forehead. +

Josh: It’s ok, it’s ok.

Angel: +smile+ Thank you, Josh…

+We both release our holds and Josh takes my hand as we walk up the hill and into the house+