Hail to the King, Baby!
INT. Elevator of the Verona Apartment Complex
Angel stands near one corner of the elevator, grocery bags in tow, and a tall gentleman stands in front of the elevator’s control panel. This is REESE GECKO. His most notable features are his black, plastic “Buddy Holly” frame glasses, and a pale, crescent shaped face, with stubble lining his jaw line. His age is somewhere around 28 or so. He’s dressed in a nice clean dress shirt, slightly puffy from being tucked in, under an ill-fitting suit. He’s currently nose-deep in the latest copy of …And Other Ramblings magazine and mumbling something about Bruce Campbell. He’s trying to be silent, but is still audible.
REESE
(rapidly)
That’s one bad muthafucka, right there, man. I mean, that’s a man. He’s humorous to the point of being ridiculous, but at the same time brave and courageous. I mean, take all the guys in modern day Hollywood, they’ve got nothing on this guy. Colin Farell. (scoffs) Put him in a cabin in the woods possessed by demons and see what happens. I’ll tell you what you’ll see, you’ll see him out there getttin’ raped by that fuckin’ tree, that’s what. I mean, I don’t wish ill will towards others, especially in that sense, but hey, facts are facts and that there is a fact, Jack! (Turns page)This is a great article. (pause) That’s a wonderful picture. He looks wonderful. Even that scar. See, that’s the point right there. A lot of those phonies would’ve gotten make-up or surgery, not this guy. Fuck Botox. (Turns page) Looks, talent, he’s got it all. I mean, If I could be one guy, I’d be him. I’m not…sweet…or nothing, but if I was a girl…I’d think about him on cold nights. If a gun was put to my head…I’d fuck him…
Angel now decides to join the conversation already in progress.
ANGEL
I’d fuck Bruce Campbell. Who wouldn’t?
Reese looks up now, and back at Angel.
REESE
(chuckles nervously)
Y’know? Was I talking out loud?
ANGEL
No, I’m Mentok the mindtaker on a day pass.
REESE
Um, I’m terribly sorry. I don’t usually do this…It’s just that…it’s a great article!
ANGEL
No, it’s ok. It’s perfectly ok. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re very secure.
Reese chuckles a bit and then looks back at Angel.
REESE
I’m Reese Gecko. I live in apartment 518.
He reaches his hand in so she can shake it, and she does.
REESE
I know you already, though. You’re…Angel, right?
Angel nods.
REESE
Yeah. I met you sister earlier today. Darla?
Angel nods.
REESE
Yeah, we had a great conversation about that article you guy’s did for …And Other Ramblings.
He holds up his copy.
REESE
This isn’t it, but y’know. I’m an avid reader of it. They give great movie reviews…Anyway, I saw you guys moving in earlier. Meant to stop off and say hey, but…
ANGEL
Well, we’re talking now, and that’s all that matters.
REESE
(nods)
Yeah, but I’m usually a pit bull on the pant leg of opportunity when it comes to meeting new people.
All of a sudden, there’s this terrible roar of gears and a violent bounce of the elevator. It’s stopped.
ANGEL
Oh, Lordy.
Then, she slowly slides down back into the corner. Reese is trying to pry the door, but it’s no use. He’s not freaking out…just turned up to eleven.
REESE
(as calm as possible)
This is unbelievable. Well, I knew something must’ve been rotten in Denmark, when it creaked a little, do you remember that?
She doesn’t, but nods anyway.
REESE
Yeah, it was like kkkuuuurrr-chunk or something.
They say that nervousness effects people in many ways; Reese seems to be experiencing all at once. He’s begun subtle, but constant fidgeting, and his voice is erratic.
REESE
(pacing)
I heard about this one lady, man. She was trapped in one elevator for at least a day and a half.
He stops every few words to look down at Angel.
ANGEL
(Looking up at him)
Is that so?
REESE
Oh, yeah. She lived off her left-over lunch and only had a thermos to piss in. Not one of those big thermoses, neither; no, that would’ve been too convenient. It was one of those small, fit-in-your-purse things. Could you imagine?
He shudders at the last bit.
ANGEL
Actually, I was imaging: about what it was like to aim pee into a hole that narrow, comfortably. I know I couldn’t. It’d probably end up going down my leg.
She winces.
REESE
Well…I wouldn’t know anything about that. Being a guy and all…but to have to keep it there with you? I don’t even like that piss in a cup business…The waiting alone must’ve been hell for her. Sitting there alone, hearing clicks and bangs and that generic circus crap they play…feeling the space around you closing in…freaky shit, man.
The thought does seem to freak him out. He’s slowed and less jerky in movement. His head lowers.
ANGEL
(With raised eyebrows)
You’ve definitely thought about this, eh?
REESE
Yeah, well, at least, we got each other, right?
With a slight chuckle, he slides down into the space next to Angel. He begins looking through one of the grocery bags and retrieves a bag of chips. She would’ve tried to stop him, but before she knew it, he had it open and a handful in his mouth, proceeding down his throat.
REESE
(though packed cheeks)
I’m sorry about that. I’m famished.
ANGEL
No, really, it’s ok.
REESE
You know what this reminds me of?
He starts moving on to the cookies.
REESE
Devil’s Deux.
ANGEL
I think I know that movie…is it the one where the guy’s body parts are possessed and by the end of the movie, only his head survives?
REESE
No, that’s Devil’s Deuce. Good flick, by the way.
He says rubbing his hands together to rid them of Cheeto dust and cookie crumbs.
REESE
Devil’s Deux is about these two supernatural crime fighters. (swallows hard)You wouldn’t happen to something to drink…?
Angel reaches in the bag to the left of her and pulls out an orange juice box and hands it to him.
REESE
Mucho Gracias.
He shakes it a bit, then frees the straw from its protective wrapping, plunges it in and sucks down the sweet nectar inside. Watching him all this time, Angel wonders how he remains so thin eating like a pig.
REESE
(finally coming up for air)
Anyway, there’s a scene where Seth, the lead guy and Lisa, the love interest are trapped in an elevator. Not a stuck elevator mind you, nuh-uh, it’s going up and down faster than one of those bullet train jerk offs. Then, like, Seth starts seeing all these decomposing bodies and bloodied walls and everything.
ANGEL
Gross.
Now, she wonders how he eats at all. He puts the cookies and things back in their bags.
REESE
But, tense.
ANGEL
How does that remind you of this?
REESE
Just that, you know, we’re in an elevator.
Another terrible creak and violent bump, and they’re moving again. They both jump to their feet as the elevator moves on to their destination. The door finally opens to the fifth floor and they both walk out, Reese lets Angel off first.
REESE
I’ll, uh, catch you later.
He walks off with his juice box and magazine.
Soundtrack:
“The Devil’s Song” Marcy’s Playground
“Sorry About Your Penis” Smashmouth