Elijah's
birth plan
BIRTH PLAN
Baby A, whom we please ask you to refer to as Elijah, has
been diagnosed with anencephaly. We understand that our time
with him alive will be brief, if at all. We desire to spend
as much time with him as possible. We ask you to please adhere
to our wishes in an effort to make this difficult time just a
little better for our family.
1. When monitoring the babies, please show Elijah the same
consideration you show Jonathan (Baby B). Please refer to both
babies by name. Please don't give up monitoring Elijah just
because he may be making it difficult for you to find his heart
rate. Every memory of him is very important to us. It makes
us feel very bad when you don't show the same concern for his
well being in-utero just because of his diagnosis.
2. Please remember that Elijah is a person. Please treat
him with respect, even though his prognosis is grim. Ask us
questions about his personality. We would love to tell you about
him!
3. Please don't treat this pregnancy as some sort of side-show
act. We understand that multiple gestations are interesting
and a good teaching experience, but we don't want our baby being
subjected to other doctors, nurses, interns, and students who
see him as anything but normal. Please make sure the staff assigned
to our family is caring and understanding.
4. Don't be afraid to talk to us about the probability of
Elijah's diagnosis and impending death. Talking about it helps
us come to grips with it and helps us in our grieving. Also,
don't be afraid to show emotions in our presence. It is comforting
to us that others see our baby the way we do and grieve for him.
Natural Birth
In case we get lucky enough to be able to have a natural birth,
please treat this delivery the same way you would treat any other
one, with just a few exceptions.
1. (M) would like to deliver unmedicated, if at all possible.
Please make available to her a shower or tub. Other methods
of pain control she would like to try are massage and heat/cold
packs, as well as any methods she may choose to bring from home.
2. (M)'s husband, (L) is to be present at all times. Remember
that this may be the only time he has to see Elijah alive. (M)
needs him there to support her during this difficult time.
3. (M) would like to deliver in a semi-squatting or side
lying position. Please do whatever it takes to prevent a tear
or episiotomy.
4. After Elijah (Baby A) has been delivered, please show
him to us before you wrap him or put a hat on. We want to know
what he looks like. We know that his looks will be different
than normal, and are prepared for that.
5. If Baby B (Jonathan) is not rapidly being delivered, (M)
would like to hold Elijah on her chest until she needs to push
again. You can clean up Elijah while Jonathan is being delivered.
Please let (L) hold Elijah after he is clean.
6. Pictures will be taken during the delivery. Please allow
this, as these are the only memories we may have of our son.
7. Please do not allow anyone but staff in the delivery room
until we say it is okay. After we have met our sons, we will
ask that our family is allowed in to meet them too.
C-SECTION
In the very likely event of a c-section, please respect our
wishes to the extent that you are able to, keeping in mind the
health and safety of (M) and the babies.
1. (L) is to remain with (M) in pre-op until she goes to
surgery. As soon as she is prepped in the O. R., please come
and get him to be with her.
2. Please allow (L) to be with (M) during delivery. In the
event that emergency dictates he leave, please keep him informed
in the waiting room of what is happening.
3. Please give (M) only a spinal anesthetic, so that she
is awake and alert for the delivery. This is very important,
so that she may spend time with Elijah. If possible, use painkillers
(such as morphine) that will not affect her state of alertness.
4. After Baby A (Elijah) is delivered, please show him to
us before you wrap him and put his hat on. Remember that he
is beautiful to us, even though he may not be formed properly.
Please clean him and wrap him, but do not perform any tests
on him, other than weight, length, and apgars.
5. Please allow (L) to hold Elijah while Baby B (Jonathan)
is being delivered. After both babies have been born, please
allow (L) to spend time with Elijah and take pictures of the
babies.
6. Please take a sample of the cord blood per the instruction
sheet and send it to the laboratory listed.
RECOVERY/HOSPITAL ROOM
1. After (M) has been taken to the recovery room, please
allow family members to visit at the request of (M) and (L).
Any necessary tests and procedures can be done with the family
present.
2. (M) would like to breast-feed Elijah if possible. If
he will not nurse, (L) would like to give him a bottle. Jonathan
will nurse after Elijah does.
3. (M) and (L) would like to bathe and dress Elijah.
4. In the event that Elijah is not breathing on his own,
please do what you can to start his breathing, but he is not
to be put on artificial life support. We request that comfort
measures only are given to him.
5. Please allow Jonathan and Elijah to share a bassinet.
They were together in the womb, and we want them to stay together
as long as possible.
6. If Elijah needs warming, please place a special warming
bed in (M)'s hospital room, so that he does not need to leave
us. (M) and (L) may choose to use their own body to warm him.
7. If we request, please take Jonathan to the nursery so
that we may concentrate fully on Elijah during the short time
we have with him.
8. Please inform staff of our situation so that we are not
interrupted unnecessarily. We do not want others viewing our
baby in any way other than beautiful. Please place a note on
our door to check at the nurse's desk before entering. We value
our privacy during this time.
9. Please allow unlimited visiting for family. (L) is to
stay the night with (M). Siblings are allowed to visit.
10. If Elijah becomes unable to eat on his own, please insert
a feeding tube so that he may remain comfortable. Please check
with us if feeding him becomes impossible.
11. If Elijah has seizures, please tell us what is happening
and reassure us. Help us know what to do.
12. Please do not allow staff members other than the assigned
nurse, OB, pediatrician, and neonatologist to examine Elijah.
He is a baby, not an object.
13. If we desire to have time alone with Elijah, please take
Jonathan to the nursery and care for him until we are ready to
have him back. We may not be ready to have him rooming in again
for some time after Elijah passes. Bottles are okay for him
ONLY during this time.
14. We would like to speak to a chaplain before or after
Elijah's passing.
15. Please help us with all necessary paperwork involving
Elijah and possibly Jonathan.
16. We would like to keep Elijah with us until and following
his death. We will inform you when we are ready to let him go.
We may keep him with us until the funeral director arrives.
17. Please take Elijah to say goodbye to his twin if we have
not already done so.
18. Please continue to allow us our privacy during our hospital
stay. Please post a special note on the door so that visitors
and staff will know we have had a loss and act accordingly.
MEMENTOS
Please help us with the following mementos of our son.
Pictures/and or video
birth certificate
death certificate
lock of hair
any clothing worn
any blankets used
bassinet card
bracelet
bottle used
hand and foot molds
other mementos from his crib or life
Please remember that Elijah is a very special baby and we
love him very much. Treat him and us with kindness and respect.
We treasure these brief moments we have with him and want to
make the best and most of each one. Thank you.
(M) and (L)
