Junon ~ Sept., 2000

I feel a guy, who stands up to anything and sticks to his principles, is really cool.  In other words, it should be a guy who goes on his own way, not following what is already decided. I tend to adore a loner, in a sense.

Guy's sex appeal? Hm...to me, a word 'sexy' is only for women (laugh) so I don't know what is sexy for men. But when I see someone dancing, I sometimes feel "Wow, he is so sexy!"  Like 木村君 and 赤板君, their dancing are 'manly but beautiful' so I feel it's cool.

What!? Do people say I'm sexy???  Gosh, I wonder 'How come!?' about it (laugh) In my opinion, men's sex appeal comes out when one becomes, say, mid-20th or something. Therefore, both 木村君 and 赤板君 had lots of experiences in the past and as a result of this, they've got such sex appeal in the present.  That's why I want to become a man whom people say 'sexy' when I get around their age, but it's too early right now...I feel bashful when being said 'sexy' now.

About my bodily shape, I don't care about it almost at all. Although I want some muscle, but I don't want to be too muscular guy (laugh) I want a bit more muscular shoulders now though because non-muscular shoulders look so weak and when he puts arms on a woman's shoulders, it must look so pitiful (laugh)  Therefore, I want more muscle on my shoulders.

Recently, what surprised me a lot is the fact that younger Jrs are talking about their diet, like, "I give up eating this because I don't want to be fat." or "Don't eat it. You must get fat!"  I didn't know that such younger members are caring about their weight that much. Me?  I don't care about my weight at all. Actually, I put on 5kg of my weight in the early this year, and I saw around my neck was so chubby (laugh)  But I felt like, "Hey come on, what's wrong with a chubby Jr? It's also my uniqueness!"  Therefore, I didn't go on diet but I lost my weight without knowing it then went back to my regular weight.

But you know, we want to eat anything we like anytime, right? So I eat A LOT especially at night. My favorites are 納豆 & rice and curry noodle.  I prefer to eat curry udon (=Japanese style noodle) with chopsticks, that's my own rule (laugh) Why?  Because when we eat curry udon with chopsticks, the point of them get yellow because of the curry, right? It makes me feel that I'm eating curry udon very well and I just like that feeling (laugh)

I'm not doing any work-out right now. But before Jr's spring concert began, I wad doing for about a month and I did marathon and some exercise once in 2 days or so. As for marathon, I ran about 10km in my neighborhood. The funny thing is that I got to know many people, who were also running like me (laugh) For example, I got to know this guy who is almost as old as my dad. We said "Good morning" or "Good evening" at first, and gradually began to talk just a little bit like, "It's cold today, isn't it?"  We don't know much about each other but I tend to feel a sense of intimacy because of we do the same thing: marathon (laugh)

Also, on my way back home after the marathon, I always had a cup of coffee at this coffee shop.  Then, I got to know the shop waiters. They were so nice that they delayed to close the shop for me once in a while.  By doing marathon, I could get in touch with many people. It was fun and so nice.

About the exercise, I did sit-ups and push-ups before marathon. I didn't decide how many sets.  I was going to do at first. I just kept doing until I came to limit. But after I came to limit, I tried to continue with counting like "1, 2..."
Otherwise, those exercise will be just no use. It's the same as marathon. We can run smoothly after we pass the peak of our exhaustion.  While running, I often sang Jr songs for the concert. Since I always ran marathon midnight or early morning and thus not many people were around, I was singing so loudly. (laugh)   But when I encountered some people, I lowered my voice, then volume up after I passed them (laugh)

The difference of me between at work and in private is....I speak less in my private (laugh) Interestingly, Jrs, who often talk a lot on TV are usually quiet in private, and on the other hands, Jrs, who are quiet and listen to others on TV, are often cheerful in their regular lives.

For example, Tsubasa is so talkative in the real life.  When he is talking something, he tends to be high-tensioned and so funny. I can't interrupt him at all in such a situation (laugh). That's why I often told him to act like that even on TV. He himself says that "This year is Imai Tsubasa millenium!" and that he's going to be high-tensioned in the media, too. But it seems kinda difficult for him to carry this out on TV.

Besides, I'm trying to be the same on TV as in private.  I want to be like that. Say, I change my attitude or whatever I do and say between at work and in private in order to make me cool or star-like.  If people happen to find the difference, they will say like, "You're actually a different person!"  That's what I hate most. But if I keep acting as I do in private, people won't say such a thing.  That's why I always try to be funny and serious depending on the situations. I hope that people see my various aspects.

In my case, I don't switch myself between work and private. When at work, I naturally intensify my tension, not thinking like, "This is my work".  Also, when I finish a day at work, I don't feel something like, "Gosh, my work is over!" with a sense of exhaustion.

In my private time, I often think about my work so there may be no border between at work and private, in a sense. I mean... it's the work but I don't see it as work.  I just do what I love to do, that's all.

When I'm at work, I sometimes feel lonely, to tell the truth. When being with Jr, I don't feel so but I have to deal with adults such as TV staff at the same time, right? In that case, I often feel that I'm still lack of many many things. I know it's natural but I can't stop being chagrined and thus tend to feel lonely about my immaturity.

I'm happy most when I'm with younger Jr.  I like to be relied on so when little Jrs ask me like, "What should I do?" I feel them so adorable (laugh) Recently, one younger Jrs asked me "Can I take this lunch box home?" so I replied, "Yeah, you can." again he asked me "Can I eat this on the train?" so I, again, replied "No, you can't. It should annoy other passengers, right?" I feel as if I were a teacher (laugh)  Also, when those Jrs come up to me like, "Takizawa Ku---n!!" then tell me "I'm going to the washroom", I really feel at ease (laugh)  That gives me much power!

On the other hands, what makes me uneasy is speaking ill of someone behind his/her back.  When I hear something like, "Don't you think he tries to be so nice?" or "He is a bit letting himself get carried away, isn't he?" I feel like, "How on earth can you say that? What do you know about the person?" I just hate that people label someone without knowing his/her real situations.

Also, I don't want to be said like, "How on earth can you understand my real feelings??"  Of course, we can't understand everything about each others' but saying such a thing should end everything. I have to conclude like, "Then, we're just useless toward each other", don't I? That must be too sad.

Surely, there is a moment that I get angry.  But I can stop myself from exploding the anger.  I became like that after I began this work but recently I tend to be really calm when being with my friends, too.  Even if I get irritated at something, I can get myself calm down. At this point, I may be getting more mature.

My precious things are what I realize for the first time when I see the ending of it. For example, in my drama, 直 realized the importance of his mother after she died. In the same way, when someone dies, or breaking up with our lovers, we understand how precious they are.

That's why I really think that I have to lead my life for all my worth, not neglecting any part of it. There should be what we can do only at teenagers, right? Therefore, I want to enjoy what I can do now as much as possible,

Then, when I get about 30, I want to be grown up as a cool adult. I believe that as a man grow older, he becomes cooler. So I want to work hard with a positive attitude, not being too hasty.