Popolo ~ Apr., 2000

I think my life has just started now, but I feel that joining Johnny’s changed my life a lot.  When comparing with the past, my life as well as my own personalities were changed dramatically.  Really different. My life can be divided into two, “Before Johnny’s” and “After Johnny’s” (laugh)  In fact, I was not thinking at all about working in showbiz world.  I even didn’t think that I could pass when I applied for Johnny’s. I didn’t like neither showing off in front of people nor talking with strangers… so I can’t believe working as a talent now…

Now, I think that I started this job with a joke or… just as something fun in the beginning because I was just a kid. But after I started working as Jr, I changed my mind. I can’t be so quite now on the other hand (laugh). I have no idea why I can be so open now. Actually, I didn't expect that I was going to be obsessed with this job. There is no special reason for it, but just I was gradually getting interested in it without knowing it.

I was think about quitting Jr many times before, but I couldn’t do that when I reconsidered about it the next day.  I don’t have a courage to quite Jr because I can’t think of anything that I’m obsessed with except for this job.

Why did I think about quitting?….hm……I don’t know why but I just felt that way at that time.  I just couldn’t control my feelings then.  Especially when I got depressed or had something that I couldn’t understand, I tended to feel like quitting.  But I couldn’t.  Why is that? I think that this job is too attractive for me to throw away.  That’s all.

You know, to tell the truth, I didn’t like talking about such stuff to someone.  I feel bashful about it…. However, I had a chance to talk with some Jrs recently and we talked about such stuff together.  When I confessed such my feelings in the past, others were in the same situations coincidentally.  It was like 'Oh?….Are you guys feeling the same way as me?” Yes, I felt at ease by knowing that.  Before that, I always solved any problem only by myself, not telling it to anyone.  But I now think that it may be food for me to make any problem clear to my buddies.

In a sense, all members in Jr are quite important to me.  At work, they are rivals and partners, but in private time, we can horse around, forgetting about our works.  They are both my co-workers and friends.

About one and a half years ago, I feel that I changed the way of thinking toward my work, although I was working seriously before that, too.  But recently, people just misunderstand me.  Surely, I’m kinda workaholic, but I don’t sacrifice all my private time for it.  I put emphasis not only on my work but also on my private life.  How can I say this….for example, I like editing songs/music by MD, but it’s not mainly for my work; its just what I like to do.  Then, it just leads to my work luckily.  The reason that I’m maniac is not for my work, but just for my own enjoyment (laugh).

I wonder if you can understand what I mean…its just trifle matter, but I don’t want you to misunderstand me at this point.  Ok, I will give you one more example.  Suppose that I’m a professional wrestler.  Even so, I’m sure that I would do editing with MD (laugh).  MD mixing/editing is my only hobby, way of getting rid of stress and killing time.

But I want to have some other hobbies besides MD.  When I don’t work, I often stay home so want to go out more (laugh).  Now, I’ve got only kickboard and bicycle, and thus I can’t move in a wide range.  So, if I get my own driver’s license after I become 18, I want to be more active! (laugh)

I’ll be 18 on March 19.  I can’t believe it. When I was in elementary school or junior high, I thought a person at 18 must be more mature.  I’m now totally different from that image.  When I became 16 and 17, I felt that way, too.  Therefore, if I’m asked if the age of 18 is and adult or a child, I will answer “child” for sure.  Because I’m still under 20, there should be lot of things that I can’t be responsible for.  I don’t think my personalities or way of thinking won’t be changed until I become 20. I think that I won’t care about my birthday, either.

Oh, I once tried to see my mental age, it was 46 (laugh).  I thought that the result should be more than my real age, but……..it was too much (laugh).  Anyway, my age of 17 is over pretty soon, but I don’t have anything that I thin regretful. Basically, I have nothing that I decided to do during the age of 17.  I challenged many new things, and it was a satisfactory year to me.  I’m just looking forward to being 18 now. Recently, I feel that one year has passed so quickly.  It means that my life is so stable and full of energy, so I hope that I can feel that way next year, too.

My future goal is….I don’t know yet.  I haven’t had a decision to continue this job in my whole life yet.  I just think that I’m working hard right now anyway.  But I’m really interested in backstage works.

Talking about my own life makes me shy so I think that I want to arrange my life by knowing good sides of various people.  Anyway, I haven’t been satisfied with my self.  With having many experience, I want to try to be a cool grown-up!

<Writer’s Memo>

“Today’s questions are so difficult, aren’t they??”  said Takizawa.  When thinking deeply, he always mixes up his iced tea by a straw.  It makes me realize that he’s still 17. However, I don’t know any other 17-year-old, who can analyze his/her own positions and situations that calmly like he does. Terrible 17-year-old by, Takizawa!!