Real stories are not good guy versus bad guy to save the world. They are just average people like me, trying to get by in life.

I keep my head down, for the most part, because I do not want to draw attention to myself. I follow the same pattern, day in, day out, never getting into trouble. I get up, go to work, come home. I keep myself to myself, and I like it that way. In real life.

Because in real life, I can't be myself. In real life, I am a coward.

That is why I have a second life. On the internet. Online, you can be whatever you want to be. I can be myself without concern. And if a certain group decides they don't like me, it's easy enough to hop on over to other chatrooms until I find one that fits me.

But lately I've done a lot of thinking. I am glad that none of my online friends live near me. I always tell them that if they met me in person, they would probably hate me. I'd end up glaring at them until they go away. They laugh, but it's true.

I have been living a lie. I was content with the lie until I met a group of online friends who made me happy... made me wish I could meet them in person. But then all the lies would come to the surface.

That was when I knew. I was a farce.

Is a half-life better than no life at all? Pretending to be happy when you feel like screaming... isn't that denying yourself the kind of life you might have had?

They say that suicide is the coward's path. But I think it is more cowardly to lock yourself... your real self... away for the sake of comfort. So that you don't see other people's eyes on you, judging you. I did that. I locked my feelings away and threw away the key so that no one could ever use them against me. And then I lied about it. And online, my lies came racing to the surface.

That is why, when I finish posting this to my livejournal, I shall exit my apartment, climb the stairs to the the roof of my building, stand on the edge overlooking the city, contemplating life for exactly 20 seconds, and then give myself to the four winds.

Am I going to do this for attention? Absolutely. I hope this journal entry makes it into the news and grabs the attention of the world. Not so that more people will follow after me, but so that more people will stop living the same lie that I lived and for once, be themselves.

***

"This was written three months ago by a young woman, aged 25, who was later found dead, her body crushed to pieces on the sidewalk. She jumped from the top of a ten-story apartment complex. The coroner estimated that the time of death was approximately 10:23pm. The entry was posted at 10:18pm. 23 people replied to this entry, begging the girl not to do it. Four people replied saying that they would do as she asked and live their lives fully. This is Sarai, reporter for Channel 3 news."

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