Surviving a Horror Film

1. Never look behind you. You’ll only see something you didn’t really want to see in the first place. 2. If you hear a noise, under no circumstances should you go to investigate. It’s either a friend who wants to scare you (which they can find you) or it’s the murderer. 3. If you find an open door that you swore was closed, do NOT lock it. This provides an easy escape… just in case. 4. While we are on the subject of doors, keep in mind that pounding on the door will not open it. You have to grasp the doorknob with a good firm grip and TURN IT before the door will open. 5. Never take a shower. The killer will be waiting for you when you come out.

Surviving a Bishoujo anime show

1. Respect the nerd. He’ll turn out to be the bad guy and won’t hurt you because of the respect you showed him. 2. Don’t fall in love with the really cute, shy guy. Chances are he is really just trying to get you alone so he can use your hidden power. 3. Don’t fall in love with the really cute player guy. He’ll only break your heart. 4. Don’t fall in love with the really cute psycho guy. He’ll expect more from you than you can give. 5. On that note, it’s probably best not to fall in love with any really cute guy. If they aren’t any of the above, then they are Yaoi or taken by someone else who will kill you before they let you even get near the guy. 6. Remember, the hero is always the one who doesn’t want to be a hero or is easily scared. If you want to live, stay away from those people.

Surviving a Bishounen anime show

1. Remember: It’s all about blowing things up. 2. Stick close to the guy with the seemingly weakest weapon. He will have some sort of secret weapon and be the only one living at the end. 3. Stay away from the few women you meet. All will be half naked with chests that could poke someone’s eyes out and they will try to bring you over to their way of life. 4. Try not to think about what the plot is. You’ll only succeed in giving yourself a headache for lack of plot. 5. Actually, come to think of it, it’s quite impossible to survive in a bishounen anime show since all the guys end up killing everybody in the entire universe and then killing each other, and the makers have to bring in completely new characters without ever explaining where they come from.

Surviving a Con

1. Watch out for slightly overweight large guys carrying camera’s. These are usually fanboys who will drool on your costume.

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