Queen. Why the hell am I thinking of Queen? Oh, yeah. "Another One Bites the Dust" has the same beat as the rhythm you're supposed to do CPR at. Where did I hear that? I don't know, but it feels right. I took a class in CPR last month, so I should know. CPR. I should probably start doing CPR.

And another one gone. Another one gone. Another one bites the dust. What an awful song. Catchy, but damn was it violent. The guy who wrote it must've had serious issues. And probably so did the guy who decided to set the beat to CPR. Breathe. Remember to make him breathe. Circulating the blood doesn't do shit if there's no oxygen in it. Two slow, deep breaths. Hey, I'm gonna get you, too. Another one bites the dust.

Chris is saying something. What is he saying? I don't care. I'm doing CPR on the limp body of Murphy. Why Murphy? It shouldn't be Murphy. God, it wasn't supposed to be Murphy. Why the hell is Queen stuck in my head?

What's wrong? Something's wrong. Focus. Chris is pushing me away. He's doing CPR now. Oh, god, it's Murphy. He's all blue. Somebody took his air tank off so they could do CPR on him. I must've done that. I don't remember doing that. I don't remember. Why can't I remember?

He's all wet. One of his flippers is gone. He looks like he's dead. He's not dead. He can't be dead. Not him. Wake up Murphy. Wake up. Laugh. It's all a joke, right? Laugh. Funny. I'm gonna kill you for that. Come on, wake up. Wake up and say it's all a joke. It's a joke, right?

God, what happened? This wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't supposed to be him.

There's a helicopter. Chris must've called the coast guard. They're putting Murphy on a stretcher. What happened? Try to remember what happened. I've got to remember what happened!

We were diving. I was under water. I was just about to. I was just. I. I don't remember. And then I was here, on the boat. I was singing a Queen song. No, I was doing CPR. And Murphy was dead. No, he wasn't dead. He can't be dead. He's not dead. I should be dead.

I should be dead? Why should I be dead? It wasn't my fault. I didn't do anything. He just. He didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I was going to do something. What was I going to do? Oh, god, he's dead. Oh god oh god he's dead.

I was gonna. I was. What was I going to do?

I was gonna do CPR. Where is he? I need to do CPR! I need to save him! He's not here. The coast guard took him. That's right. They took him. They'll take him to a hospital. They'll make him all better. Please, god, make him all better.

Chris is saying something. Come in and get dry, Doug. He's gonna be alright, he's saying. He'll be fine. Get dry, Doug.

What happened? Why can't I remember what happened? Something happened. Something happened to him. Why didn't it happen to me? Oh, god, I'm glad it didn't happen to me. Why did it have to be Murphy? It should've been me. I should be in the helicopter all blue and wet and cold. I don't want to be in that helicopter. I'm here. I'm alive. God, it's good to be alive. I should be dead. I'm not dead. Murphy saved me. No, I saved Murphy. I did CPR. I saved him, right?

Right?

The water was beautiful. It was always so beautiful. But for some reason Murphy couldn't enjoy it today. The mood was all wrong. It felt like he was trying to enjoy himself at a funeral.

Doug was in one of his sour moods. He'd been getting those more often lately. Murphy was starting to get worried. That's what today's trip was for. He knew Doug liked scuba diving, especially at night. It was one of the few things he seemed to enjoy. Doug needed a break, so Murphy called his uncle, who owned a yacht, and asked him if they could go diving this Friday night. Uncle Chris knew Doug and new how he could get, so he took them in the yacht to one of his favorite diving places and let them go down.

Murphy turned over onto his back, not an easy thing to do with a tank of air underneath you, and glanced up at the surface of the water. The full moon made it look florescent blue. Doug's shape was silhouetted against the watery sky.

The tank's buoyancy flopped him back onto his stomach and he kept swimming lazily among the fish and coral. He didn't really understand what bothered Doug so much about life. Doug had a great life. His parents had money. He got good grades. Well, he usually got good grades. This semester was an exception. He was applying to a slew of great colleges, most of which were sure to accept him. Murphy would be lucky if the state college took him in, and that was probably the only college he could afford anyway. Doug had a girlfriend. Oh, wait. He used to have a girlfriend. She broke up with him last week. Hey, it was more than Murphy had. The closest Murphy had ever gotten to a girl was holding hands in elementary school. The girls in high school didn't seem to want to go near him. Eh, he wasn't complaining. Seeing what Doug went through to get a girl and then what he went through when he was with her was enough to make him a little leery of the process. But Doug took the breakup hard. Murphy was afraid it was the straw that would break something. The brick, rather. He thought a little scuba diving might help take Doug's mind off of it and soften the blow.

Murphy lazily did a barrel roll. The silhouette of Doug passed into and out of his line of sight. He loved diving. It felt so great to be almost weightless. It was like flying.

He paused. Something wasn't right. He looked up again at Doug. There were too many bubbles. His air tank must've sprung a leak!

Murphy swam upwards as fast as he could. It probably wasn't a big deal. They both had reserve tanks. But something felt wrong. The hose. The hose wasn't in Doug's mouth! It was snaking through the water leaving a trail of bubbles. Just as Murphy reached out to put a hand on Doug's shoulder and was trying to catch the hose he felt a pressure to his midsection and went floating away.

Doug had kicked him. It wasn't the panicked kick of a drowning man. It was a well-aimed shove.

Murphy's insides turned into liquid. He felt like if he opened his mouth his organs would mix with the water and float away. Doug removed his facemask and let it sink slowly towards the ocean floor. Murphy realized that the only way for the hose to be leaking air without pressure on the valve was for it to be broken.

He was really gonna do it. Murphy didn't think Doug had the guts. Or the reason. But apparently he had reached the end. And without even realizing it, Murphy had given him the perfect opportunity.

With a sudden rush of adrenaline, Murphy swam towards Doug. His friend turned around to aim another kick, but Murphy caught his leg this time. He held on and began awkwardly swimming towards the surface, pulling Doug up with him. Doug kicked and swam downwards, slowing them to a crawl. Murphy was losing his grip. He grabbed for anything and found Doug's flipper. It came off, and Murphy let it fall to join the mask.

Doug went limp.

Somehow Murphy dragged him up onto the diving platform and hurriedly removed his air tank, laying him chest up.

This can't be happening, Murphy thought. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. Doug's face was turning blue. Murphy tried to remember how to do CPR, but his hands shook. He couldn't find the right place to push.

Everything seemed so quiet. Like under water. Everything was muffled under water. This was even more so. All Murphy could hear was the ringing in his ears. That ugly buzz that you only heard when everything else was quiet.

Go away, Murphy thought. Leave me in the quiet. Let me think.

He couldn't let this happen. He couldn't let his best friend die here. Doug probably thought he had brought him here to die. He couldn't let him do that. There had to be a way.

It should be him. It should be Murphy lying there all cold and blue. If one of them had to die, it should be him. It should be him, damnit!

The buzzing stopped.

Air, by Ben Folds Five

saw a silhouette
across a fluorescent
floating overhead,
undoing his helmet
through the murky beams
and blue-green sea life
I saw him spinnin' towards the
moonlight

I pull him in,
he wasn't breathin'
his eyes were wide
and I saw two of me there
there's an ugly buzz
that hovers just above
the quiet
found a way to make it
silent

I'm comin' up for air
I'm comin' up for air
air
air

they hold my hand
and ask me to pull through
a voice I know says, "Dear,
he probably can't hear you"

comin' up for air
I'm comin' up for air
I'm comin' up for air

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