"What are you doing?"
The figure standing over the sink spit coffee in a fine spray all over the faucet and window. He turned to see a woman wearing white jeans and a tight blue turtleneck, arms crossed beneath her breasts, staring at him. He sagged against the counter in relief. "Oh, it's just you," he sighed. He turned back to the sink. "Help me clean this up now. John's gonna wake up soon."
The woman walked over to the counter and pulled a paper towel off of the roll and handed it to the man. She leaned against the counter and crossed her arms again as he started wiping up the coffee. "I say again, Raph," she said. "What are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Raph answered. "I'm drinking coffee. And now I'm cleaning up coffee. Are you gonna help me or what? And don't you have someplace to be right now?"
"Nope," the woman said, giving him a wry grin. "I'm done. Unlike you, I see."
"You're something, Donquel," he said, grimacing. "You finish early and so you come and rub it in my face."
"I'm not here to rub anything," Donquel said. "Just to watch."
An alarm went off in the next room. There was a moan and the rustle of blankets and then the alarm shut off.
"He's almost up!" Raph growled. "If you hadn't distracted me I'd be done by now. Here," he shoved the glass coffee pot from the coffee maker into Donquel's hand. "Wash this. And hurry. We've only got about seven minutes!"
Grumbling, Donquel obligingly washed the pot in the sink as Raph took the used filter out of the coffee maker. She laughed as the soggy grounds spilled all over his red sweatpants and gray shirt. "How much did you put in there?" she asked as he ripped another paper towel off of the roll and started to clean grounds from the floor.
"The rest of it. I dunno how much it was. Move." Donquel stepped to the side to make room for Raph to open the cabinet under the sink and throw the grounds away. She picked up his coffee cup and started to wash that, too. There was still a little black sludge left in the bottom of it.
"Geeze, Raph," she said, rinsing out the cup. "You're gonna be wired for the next three millennia." Donquel handed him the cup and he put it back in the cabinet with the other coffee mugs.
"Very funny," Raph said, wiping the last of the coffee from the windowsill. The alarm went off in the other room again. "Did we get it all? Is it clean?"
"Looks clean to me," Donquel answered.
"Great. Here he comes."
Dressed in a t-shirt and boxers, smacking his lips and walking groggily out of the bedroom, John stumbled into the dark kitchen. The sun was just starting to slide blades of light under the window shade. He fumbled for a light switch and then made his way over to the sink. Donquel stepped lightly out of his way as he opened a cabinet and took out the mug that Raph had just replaced. She moved again as he shut that cabinet and opened a second one, feeling for something. He pulled down a can of coffee grounds and grumbled to himself. He pried open the top and cursed as he looked inside. "I swear there was plenty left in here yesterday," he muttered. He opened the cabinet under the sink and threw the can away. Still muttering to himself, he stalked back into the bedroom.
Raph grinned at Donquel, obviously pleased with himself. "There," he said. "Easy."
"You think so, huh?" Donquel said almost to herself as she lifted the shade to look out the apartment's little window.
"Yes, I do think so," Raph snapped. A fully dressed and somewhat cleaner looking John walked back into the room. He pulled on a jacket, grabbed his car keys from the hook by the door and left the apartment, slamming the door behind him.
"See?" Raph asked.
"Sure," Donquel said absently. "Easy as pie."
Raph rested his feet on the dashboard as John's car cruised down the early morning street. Most of the street lamps were off, but a few still held on to the impression that night hadn't left yet. "I told you this was going to be easy," Raph said.
Donquel, in the back seat, just grunted.
John pulled the car into a parallel space, shut off the engine, and stepped out. "Easy as pie," Raph repeated. He crossed his arms behind his head and closed his eyes.
Donquel leaned on the back of Raph's seat so her mouth was next to his ear. "Oh, you're so good," she said. "You're the best at this, Raph. I don't know why I ever doubted you."
"Do I detect a hint of sarcasm, Donquel? Jealousy perhaps?"
"I think mister proud-of-himself should look out the window."
Raph opened his eyes and turned to glance at her. Donquel simply pointed out the passenger side window. Raph turned to look at what she pointed at.
"Shit!" he shouted.
"How was I supposed to know he'd go to the grocery store to buy more coffee?" Raph paced up and down the apartment's small kitchen.
"I may be wrong," Donquel said. She was sitting at the table, supporting her chin with laced fingers, eyes following Raph. "But isn't that what you do when you're out of coffee? You go buy more?"
Raph stopped pacing to frown at her. "He's a college student. They don't think that way."
"And you seem to be such an expert on the subject."
Raph muttered under his breath and looked around the kitchen. His eyes caught the coffee maker. "Well I'm not done yet." He walked to the counter and turned the maker around so he could get at the back. "Find me a screwdriver."
Donquel chuckled and opened the second cabinet under the sink. She pulled out an emergency toolkit and handed him a screwdriver. Raph began prying the back off of the machine.
"And now you're an electrician?" she asked, jumping up to sit on the countertop and watch him.
"You don't need to know how something works to screw it up," Raph answered. He laid the black panel aside and studied the wires.
"And you certainly are the expert on _that_," she chuckled.
"Oh, you are such a riot today," he muttered to the back of the coffee maker. "Now… if this wire goes from here to here… and this one goes from here to here…" Raph glanced up at Donquel. She was looking out the window down onto the street. "Then all I have to do is…" He grabbed a group of random wires and yanked them out. There was a crackle of electricity and Raph whipped his hand back, swearing.
"He's coming," Donquel reported.
"Just gotta put this back on…" Raph said as he placed the molded plastic back where it belonged and started refastening the screws.
Steps sounded outside the door. "Almost done…" he muttered between clenched teeth. A key was inserted into the lock. "There!"
Raph turned the coffee maker back into place and jumped back just as the door swung open. John, carrying a brand new can of coffee and a few rolls of toilet paper, closed the door behind him with his foot. He placed his goods on the kitchen table, opened the coffee can and put a filter in the coffee machine. He filled the filter and clicked the machine on.
Nothing happened.
John reached behind the machine and wiggled the plug in the socket, then tried the on switch again. Still nothing.
"God, damnit!" he swore.
"Language…" Donquel muttered warningly.
Leaving the filter in the machine, John checked his watch and muttered another curse. He went into the bedroom and came out with a knapsack. Grabbing the keys again, John left the apartment with another slamming door.
"What are we looking for?" Donquel asked. She walked uncertainly around the back room of the coffee shop. The air fairly reeked of caffeine. It seemed to penetrate the skin like a new kind of nicotine patch for coffee addicts.
"French vanilla," Raph answered. "There it is," he said, pointing at a box sitting on a high shelf. "Let's find a ladder. And hurry up."
Donquel pulled a small ladder out of the broom closet and set it up next to the shelf. "Is that good?"
"It'll have to do." Raph climbed the ladder and tried to move the box. "It's too heavy. I'll have to throw some down to you before we can move it."
"You knew he was gonna come here first," Donquel said as she caught the first few single-pot packages of French vanilla flavored coffee grounds. She tossed them in the garbage. "Why didn't you do this before?"
"I forgot. So sue me." The next packages weren't tossed down. They were hurled.
"Hey!" Donquel said, dodging caffeine bullets. She rolled the garbage over. "Just throw them straight into here. And hurry, I think someone's coming."
Raph turned the box over and emptied it into the garbage, then pushed it back onto the shelf. He leapt off the ladder and Donquel shoved the garbage pail back where it had come from just as an employee walked into the room. He made his way up the ladder, felt around inside the box, made a frown, and tossed it to the floor. On his way back out to the front he dropped it in the garbage.
"I'm sorry, sir," the employee said to John at the counter. "We're all out of French vanilla."
John rolled his eyes at the ceiling and turned around. "This is so not my day," he told the door on his way out.
John's car pulled up in front of the next coffee shop.
"Here he comes," Raph said, looking out the window. He turned to look at Donquel sitting across from him in the booth. "Now where's yours?"
Donquel didn't say a word. She just smiled smugly and pointed out the window behind her. Raph leaned over and, sure enough, a young woman carrying an armful of books had just turned the corner and was heading for the coffee shop.
"I give up," Raph said as the woman walked into the shop just ahead of John. "How did you do that? You've been with me the whole time!"
"Unlike you," Donquel answered, "I plan ahead."
"And what do you do if something goes wrong, huh? Something you didn't expect?"
She shrugged. "I plan ahead for that, too."
Raph shook his head and scoffed. Donquel grinned. "You just don't want to admit that I'm better at this than you."
"Right," Raph said sarcastically. He folded his arms on the table and put his head down on them, looking at John and the woman waiting in line for coffee. They both looked at their watches every few moments, but other than that they stared straight ahead.
"It's not working," Raph said. "Why isn't it working?" He stood up.
"Just wait," Donquel said.
Raph slowly walked over to stand beside John in the line. The woman reached the counter and placed an order. John looked at his watch and sighed. "It's not working," Raph said again. Donquel stood up from the booth and stood on the other side of John from Raph. She put a thoughtful hand to her chin and frowned.
The woman put her books on the counter and fished in her pockets as the cashier quoted a price. "What do we do, what do we do, what do we do?" Raph worried. He stepped back as the woman balanced her coffee on top of her books and turned to walk out. "We're gonna loose them!"
Donquel looked over at Raph and then at John. She squinted angrily at John, and as the woman stepped between the two men and John took a step towards the counter, Donquel wound up her arms and shoved him as hard as she could. He stumbled into the woman, making her fall and scatter her books and coffee all over the floor.
John hurriedly knelt down next to her and tried to give her a hand up while protecting her books from the spreading coffee puddle. "I'm so sorry!" he said. "I don't know what happened. I must've tripped. Here." He stood up and pulled her up with him. "Let me order you another coffee. It's the least I could do." He turned to the counter. "I'll have another…" He looked at the young woman again. "What did you order?"
"Medium French vanilla," she said timidly.
"Medium Fr--" John paused, then looked at the woman with a look of puzzlement and pleasant surprise on his face. He turned back to the counter. "_Two_ medium French vanillas."
Donquel looked sideways at Raph and grinned. "Usually subtlety is best," she said. "But sometimes all you need is a good shove."
The woman smiled shyly and bent down to pick up her books. "Here, let me get that," John said. He stacked up her books and put them on the counter. "Hey, I'm taking this class," he said, looking at the top book. "Do you go to the college here? I didn't recognize you."
"I just transferred in," she said.
"That would be why," John smiled. The woman smiled back. "Oh, where are my manners," he said. "My name's John." He held out his hand.
"Sarah," she said, giving him a shake. "Pleased to meet you."
"The pleasure's all mine."
The two coffees were placed on the counter and John pulled out his wallet to pay for them. He picked up the books before she could reach for them. "I'll get those," he said. "Where's your car?"
"Oh, I don't have one here. I walk."
"There's no way you can get to class on time walking from here if you have an eight o'clock. Let me give you a ride. If that's all right?"
"That would be great, thank you!" Sarah grinned at him shyly as she carried their coffees and he carried her books out of the coffee shop.
Raph sighed happily as the car drove away. "Mission accomplished," he said.
Donquel glanced at him. "Barely," she said.
"Hey," he said defensively, "it's done. And that's all that matters."
"Right," she said, grinning.
"Hey Raph." Donquel said. "I've got a question for you."
"Shoot."
"Why did you bother to make all that coffee in the morning? Why didn't you just throw it out instead of drinking it all?"
Raph frowned. "I, uh… couldn't let all that coffee go to waste, could I?"
"So you drank about twenty cups worth of coffee in only about five cups?"
"Yeah," he said defensively. "So what if I did?"
"You just didn't think of throwing it out, did you?"
"No, I thought of it! I just didn't want to."
"You didn't think of it." She turned and started walking away down the street.
"I said I thought of it! Hey, where are you going? Hey!"
"Two down," Donquel muttered as she faded away. "Only about six billion to go."
"I did so think of it!" Raph said as he faded behind her.
Do not copy or quote the above material without the expressed consent of the owner of this page.