It's about this garden...
You see, last June I bought my first (and I hope my last) house; a cute little American Bungalow Style, flirting with Arts&Crafts detailing. You know...lots of woodwork, thick crown moldings, hardwood floors. The works. Built in 1929. It's been updated and well-maintained. It's just perfect for my needs. But...
It's about this garden...
My mother contends I bought the garden, and the house was just a pleasant after-thought. She could be right.
Let me tell you about my garden. (All the "Blade Runner" fans have now dived for cover.) It was begun in about 1938, judging from the crinkled black-and-white pictures the former owner gave me. 61 years is a long time. Long enough to grow a maple tree from a sapling to an adult with a truck so thick I can't span it. (Yes, we hug trees around here.) Long enough to grow weigela from sprouts to 8-foot monsters. Time enough to see the fruits of all that labor. A mature garden. I love this garden.
It was left to run wild for about 20 years, as the woman who lovingly nurtured it grew old and feeble and frail. She poured her life into that garden. I firmly believe her spirit is still there. They tell me she was a crochetty, mean old lady. But she must have loved this house, and that garden, because every time I walk in the door, I feel the house surround me with its arms. It's like climbing into the lap of someone you love. Everywhere I look, there's some lovingly placed detail. From the fish-pond to the little rock garden in the back corner of the lot, overgrown now with English Ivy.
They had an in-ground irrigation system back before such things were heard of. (Mr. Anderson was a plumber by trade, you see.) And the pond has piping for a fountain. It probably still works, too...but I'm not going to use it, because of the waste. No, I'll install a recirculating pump. Mostly because the birds love running water...
Ah, the wildlife! All summer last year, I had the Northern Serengetti outside my bedroom window, as wild animals came to drink at the only "watering hole" in the neighborhood. Many times I stood and watched a drama unfold under my window. Baby racoons...skunks, oppossums...
And now it's Spring again. My first Spring here, in my garden. The crocuses are up, the daffodils and tulips are sprouting. Soon the wisteria will bloom. Then the lilacs will come. And the weigela. And then I can start making my own contributions to the garden.
I hear it calling me..."Save me! Save me! Make me grow again! Free me from the bittersweet and honeysuckle. Trim me back! Make me healthy! LOVE ME!!"
And I shall. Indeed, I shall.
*****
I have discovered that gardeners are friendly people. Not just "hi, how ya doin'?" kind of friendly. But "cross the street to see what you're doing and if they can help" kind of friendly.
I've been making inroads into my yard and gardens. I've kept to my "don't pull it up till you've seen it flower" policy. (This proved to be very wise when what I would have pulled up turned out to be the most beautiful mauve-colored columbine I've ever seen!) I've hacked away at the bittersweet and Tree of Heaven (I think it's called that because everyone would wish it DEAD!!! I call it "stink-tree"! And it keeps coming back, and coming back, and...) And I've started replacing the old hedge. But there's lots and lots to do.
Every time I'm out in the yard, someone will come by to talk. They all know this house. They know the garden. They remember Old Mrs. Anderson, and will tell me their favorite stories. (The old gentleman across the street tells me she used to have a bee-bee gun and a bucket of pebbles. The pebbles were for cats, and the gun for dogs. And she was a fair-dinkum shot, too!)
And, of course, everyone stops to admire the Wisteria! It's fading now, but it was in full bloom for two weeks. And even nicer this year than last! And everyone tells me how awful it was that the prior owner tried to get rid of it, and how it was Mrs. Anderson's pride and joy! (The truth is the prior owner had to cut it down so she could repair the front porch which it had destroyed. You CANNOT let wisteria get up into the woodwork! She also built two pergolas for it to grow on. I'm now reaping the benefits!) Visit my garden!
Just today Mrs. Swanson from the next corner came down to see me as I was planting petunias. She informed me she's 80 this year (she looks maybe 65 and is always out gardening). Said she and Mrs. Anderson "didn't get along well". I gather Mrs. Anderson didn't get along well with a LOT of people! But she sure could garden!!
Everyone has helpful hints for my gardening, which is good. My boss' wife (he lives just around the corner) is quite the gardener, and she comes by to identify things for me. One of the guys I work with got a new patio set, so he gave me his old one. It's WONDERFUL! (Well, okay; it's a little mildewed...but Oxy-clean should take care of that!)
Sooooo...let's see. In the veggie garden (where I just finally put in my last tomato plant) I've got snap peas, zuchinni, cucumbers (all on a trellis), peppers, tomatoes, potatoes, 3 kinds of onions, and mixed lettuce. (Salad, anyone?) In the flower garden, I've got a lot of oriental lilies, sweet peas (the Spencer mix...as in, Princess Di's family, who have cultivated peas for centuries), snapdragons, gladiolas, day lilies, and several things I don't know what are (my boss' wife gave them to me and I don't remember what they are). I still have some things to put in, like carnations, lupines, and such. I'm trying for a cutting garden, you see.
And I've found Delphiniums growing along my fence from the old garden. And a Scots Thistle, which I thought had been destroyed when my brother tilled it under. Apparently...it muliplied! ACK!! One is great. LOTS are not! I'll have to keep watch.
I just walked outside on my porch--it's just after 10:00 p.m.--and the honeysuckle is in bloom and it smells like heaven. Nothing like the soft scent of blooming flowers on a night breeze! Last week it was lilac.
Mrs. Anderson, you may have been a cranky old lady who didn't like dogs or cats or kids, and you may have gone chugging just a little 'round the bend at the end...but you sure did leave me a lovely legacy! Thank you, old woman! Thank you!!
That's it for this installment.
*****
"What do you want?"
The question was posed by my oldest brother, in non-confrontational manner. He was not, for once, being a smart-ass. I was 27 years old, and standing in the bay of his service garage watching him torque a bolt from underneath a Toyota.
My brother is the Guru of the family. Those who know spiritually-oriented people will not be surprised that he quit a job at Dow Chemical to open his own service station. He's so high up in the Rosacrucians they don't even have a degree for where he is. He's always been the Deep Thinker in the family. (Or, anyway, the one who got all the credit.) He dropped out in the 60s and hasn't dropped back in.
I was home after 5 1/2 years living alone in L.A., 500 miles from the nearest family member. For a small-town girl, that's quite a leap! I took it as long as I could. After the fifth news report of a random killing on the street by someone high on PCP, I got out. That, and some family issues that I needed to resolve, had brought me back to my parents' house to "heal" spiritually. Barry and I had had many long talks, usually sitting in front of the fire of his wood stove about 2 a.m. He'd smoke his pipe (just tobacco since he gave up experimenting with drugs in the late 60s) and I'd gaze into the fire and we'd talk. Or, as this day, we'd talk about anywhere we wanted to talk. Everybody talks to Barry. Sometimes he gets it wrong, especially as regards gender issues, but usually he gets it very right.
"What do you want?" he repeated, giving his wrench another crank.
This was not a question about "What do you want for lunch?" or "What do you want next week when you go shopping?" This was The Big Question. The BIG "What". "If you could have everything you want, what would that be? What do you want?" THAT question.
He had to repeat it because I was too astounded to answer. In all my 27 years, no one had ever asked me that. And I had never asked myself.
This simple question triggered a whole, twenty-year-long dialogue with my inner self which goes on to this day. I got past the trivial in a big rush, and then got into the "What do I REALLY want?" And then the decisions the mutually exclusive wants. Like, "I want adventure and security." Or "I want someone in my life and total control over my life." It's really interesting what you get to when you really examine those things. And until you realize that you want conflicting things, and decide which is more important to you, you will always have this sense of "I'm not happy and I don't know why." Sometimes you don't have to decide. Realizing you have an inner conflict is healing in itself.
That's not to say you will instantly be happy once you figure all that out. First of all, you never really figure it out. Not just because it's complex, but because we change from day to day, minute to minute. Some of what I wanted 20 years ago seems laughable to me now. A lot of it I'm really glad I didn't get. (This is what convinced me there is a God, by the way. But that's another story.)
And I was very startled to realize that I'd set my bar WAY too low. I underestimated my abilities. When I had decided what I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime, I was really ambitious. I thought. I ended up doing almost all of them before I was 30. So NOW what do I do??? You see, I believed all the negative traits and limitations other people had told me I had. Surprise!!!
If you can figure out what you want, even if that's just for tonight, it's a whole lot easier to make choices. Because any given choice either brings you closer to what you want or takes you farther from it. And that, my friends, is what we call a no-brainer! It makes it easier for you to assert yourself, because you know what you want. Because once you do, the next step seems to be trying to get it. It's like you say, "Oh! Is THAT what I want? Hell, I can get THAT!"
I offer a bit of caution, though: Avoid wanting complex things, like "World Peace" (which, after all, has little to do with you, personally, and so is a really convenient thing to want because then you don't have to do anything about it). We're talking about concrete things, here. If you decide you want Money, then you have to understand you're going to have to make some sacrifices to get it. Some of those sacrifices may include things like "honor" and "time to myself". So be careful... this is not easy.
You want peace in your life? What are you willing to give up to get it? Your right to assert yourself? Well, that works. And a lot of people opt for that. And it's perfectly valid, but a whole lot easier to stomach if you realize you CHOSE peace over freedom. That's when you stop being a victim, and start being in control of your choices. See?
So... What do you want?
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