I open my eyes to find myself not, as I had first thought, safe in bed, but instead, standing in a huge room. The question of how I am standing when a moment before I was lying does not cross my mind.
The lighting of the room is comfortable; not too bright, nor too dim. Where the light comes from I cannot tell, but once more, such details do not cross my mind.
The walls of the room, which is perhaps twice as large as the house in which I live, are a wooden brown. Doors fill them, all closed, all tempting. Barely three feet separates the end of one door from the beginning of another. The rooms on the other side cannot be large, I realize.
As I look about the room again, I notice something I had somehow missed before. A table, small and simple, with something glinting on top of it, sitting in the middle of the room.
Curious, I approach. The object on the table is an old-fashioned key with a large but plain handle. Without thinking, I slip the key into my pocket and turn to examine the doors.
The first few I try to open are locked. Each has a keyhole, but I decide to first see whether any of the doors are unlocked.
The tenth door swings open at my touch and I jump, startled. The door disappears into the black interior, and I glance behind, nervous.
Three other doors have opened around the room. I can see no more through them than I can see through this doorway; all are dark.
With the feeling of being guided by fate, or ...something else..., I stop forward. Suddenly, I find myself in the middle of an argument with my older brother. Too surprised to speak, I watch as I try futilely to convince him of what I say, then as I burst into tears and run into my room, slamming the door in a fit of rage and frustration.
I remember this scene! It has been acted out, time and again, but this particular argument happened but a week ago. Waves of guilt cascade over me. How could I have been so hard on him? How could I expect him to change his opinion just because I think he should? How could I blame him for making me angry?
I step back. I've seen enough. I turn and find myself back in the room. This time, curiosity washes over me. What is this place, I wonder? Why did that door go where it did?
I shake my head and move on.
The second door leads to my room at college. It's three in the morning, and I'm trying to go to sleep when my roommate walks in the room, picks up the phone, and calls someone. I watch as I become angry as she talks. I watch as I make her get off the phone, then as I sob into my pillow for half an hour after she leaves the room.
Once again, guilt overpowers me. Why? I pull back into the room, and collapse on the floor, angry. "Why?" I ask the table, but it has no answer.
Finally, I stand up and walk to the third door. Might as well get this over with, I think. I step forward and find myself...
...falling. I scream and desperately reach out to grab something, _anything_, to slow or stop my fall.
I cannot see, cannot hear anything but my futile cries, cannot feel anything but my sweat.
Then my hand hits something and I grab onto it, holding with all my might. When I open my eyes, I find myself in the room again. How did I get here? I wonder. I look down. I am standing on firm, hard floor. I look up. The door is open before me, inviting, threatening.
I look at my hands, still clutching so hard that my knuckles are white. I open them to see, with amazement, that I am holding the key.
The picture of the sun on the key is imprinted on my hand. That's funny, I think, I though the key was blank? My first instinct is to return the key to my pocket, but the I pause and change my mind. It is time to see what doors this key will open.
A door slams. I jump and shout, then turn to see that all four doors that had stood open are now closed. Even the one I haven't been through has shut. I twist the handle of the door I just came out of. Locked. I try the key, but it does not work. All right then, I'll see what it _does_ open, I decide.
Several doors later, I find one that opens. Inside, all I can see is a gray mist. I look behind me and see that several other doors have opened. I turn back. Here goes nothing. I step forward.
I see myself sitting up in my bed, my roommate and her friend in the bed across our room. Her friend is letting out her heart and her feelings. Her favorite uncle, still a young man, has cancer throughout his body and no chance of survival. My roommate listens and hugs her friend. I listen too, but no knowing what to say, I only listen.
I step back and go to the next door. Now, I find myself trying to calm and comfort a friend, who is shocked that a friend we share has chosen to get married, but was too nervous to tell my friend until now. I step back again. The third door shows me with my mother. I am comforting her, rather than the other way around, because people at home and at her work have yelled at her and she feels alone and lost.
I stop back, but not before I, too, have tears in my eyes. I _do_ care, I think to myself, I just don't know how to say it.
A burning in my hand makes me yell and drop the key I was still holding. As I bend down, wiping my hand on my jeans, to pick it up, I hear the doors slam shut.
Wondering, I look at the key. The sun is gone, and a crescent moon has taken its place. I look at my hand to find the moon imprinted there, as well. "What's going on?" I do not expect an answer, and I do not receive one.
The next door opens with the turn of my key, as do many of its companions around the room. In fact, all the doors that had not yet opened have opened now. Beyond the doorway I see nothing but white as if a blizzard is blocking my path. I step through...
...to find myself in the middle of a party. A birthday party for a friend and I, who share the same birthday. My best friend hugs me and places a birthday hat identical to her own on my head. Presents and love overflow, and I feel happiness for the first time... in a very long time.
Too soon, the scene shimmers and I find myself back in the room again. Disappointment and frustration rush through me and the happiness I felt before becomes nothing but a memory.
Saddened, I stop through the next doorway. I see myself and my Academic Decathlon team holding hands with our heads bowed, waiting eagerly for the winner of the competition to be announced. When it is, we all jump up and down, screaming and hogging each other, high fives flying everywhere.
Then time shifts and I see myself on the stage, waiting. I know I have won an award, but I do not know what place I received. Third place winners are called out, but my name has not yet appeared. I smile in anticipation, wanting to know and at the same time, wanting this moment to last forever. The announcer begins to call out the second place winner, "Eileen." she pauses and I step forward, then freeze when she finally adds ".Walker." My face turns red in embarrassment and I step back again. Then, I realize what it means. A look of pure joy spreads across my face as I try to keep my grin from splitting my head in two. First place! I won first place in essay!
Then I'm back in the room. My excitement stays with me as I grin broadly. I did it! Me!
I whirl through the other doors, each of them holding a beautiful scene, or a scene of achievement, or a scene of joy, or a scene where I know and feel that someone cares about me.
When I am finished, I wait, expecting the key to change, or the doors to close, or _something_.
Time passes. Confused, I turn the key over in my hand, then look at the table and the doors, wondering. Finally, I give up on anything happening any time soon and start to think.
That was wonderful! All the joy, and everything! I'd forgotten. I sit down as I remember. All this time, and I'd forgotten that I've done wonderful things. Maybe I'm not perfect, but then, _no one_ is perfect. I wonder....
I look up, curious. I had heard something, but it was quiet. Then I realize that the doors are open. _All_ of them. I look down at the key beside me. Both images are on it now; the sun _and_ the moon.
I take the key and stand up as I turn it over, looking at it. Then I smile, step back, and wake up in my bed in my room. With the key to myself in my hands.
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