[Warning: Language]
[Heroic fanfare begins - loud and overblown. Music designed to get young boys up off the couch and running about the room with arms outstretched.]
[Title screen comes up: Red and yellow "sunbeams" rising from bottom center. Cue voice-over.]
"THE LIIIIIIBERTY LEGION!!"
[Golden "Liberty Legion" logo hurtles into place from the "sunbeams'" vanishing point to the top of the screen. The heroes of the "Legion" follow close behind, fly overhead - even those who can't really fly.]
[Cut to: Overhead view of the Hall of Liberty. The heroes swoop down and inside.]
[Cut to: Desert road. A man bright red tights runs at incredible speed, a cloud of dust in his wake.]
"The Human Bullet! Fastest man alive!"
[Cut to: Jungle scene. A shapely figure in tan tights, complete with tail, leaps gracefully from limb to limb.]
"The Puma! Queen of the Jungle! Friend of the beasts!"
[Cut to: Cityscape. A missile hurtles toward the city, only to be destroyed by rays from the gauntlets of a flying man in silver armor.]
"The Platinum Paladin! Modern mechanical marvel!"
[Cut to: Space. A man in a cape and tights of dark green and sliver, surrounded by a nimbus of green energy, smashes a path through an asteroid field for the space ship that follows him.]
"Emerald Eagle! Defender of the spaceways!"
[Cut to: Night scene in the city. Masked men brandishing guns in one hand and carrying bags of money in the other flee from a bank, only to be knocked flat by a figure swinging out of the darkness dressed in a black hooded cape and tights.]
"Mr. Midnight! The Nocturnal Avenger!"
[Cut to: A large cabin cruiser approaching a massive waterfall. It plunges helplessly over the edge, only to be caught in midair by a flying muscular man in red, white, and blue tights and blue cape with red lining.]
"Captain Justice! World's strongest mortal! Protector of the innocent!"
[Same scene: An attractive woman in a bathing suit falls past the hovering Captain, only to be caught by a young flying man in a mask and tights that match the Captain's outfit. He and the woman exchange smiles, then the kid smiles sheepishly at the Captain, who rolls his eyes.]
"And his faithful sidekick, Liberty Lad!"
[Cut to: Original sunburst background. Heroes stand with arms akimbo, smiles full of confidence.]
"Together, they struggle for Truth! Justice! and Freedom!"
[Bring up logo once again.]
"THE LIIIIIIBERTY LEGION!!"
[Fade to black. Go to commercial.]
-- "The Liberty Legion Hour", Season 3, title sequence
*****
The rubble fills the Rock Bottom tunnel. The dust, not yet settled, floats in a lazy cloud beneath the light of the remaining caged bulbs in the ceiling.
Pebbles rattle and fall from the debris, then larger stones. And then, Carl Carlton simply steps forward out of the rubble, small avalanches both preceding and following him.
He peers through the swirling eddies of dust and scowls. No sign of Mr. Moody Pansyboy.
He considers following... briefly. Screw it, he decides. He needs a drink. If the Boss Man wants to raise Hell about that, well, maybe Carl will just have to point out that fighting hordes of Uglies wasn't part of the deal.
Working under the assumption that there might still be some free booze lying around in that bar where he'd hooked up with Black and Burkett, he bashes his way back through the rubble and returns the way he'd come.
*****
[Panel 1]
"This is it!" Liberty Lad asserts, pointing at the warehouse below. "That's where Dr. Destruction's hiding out!"
[Panel 2]
"Nice work, Liberty Lad!" Captain Justice replies, eyeing the hideout. "I'll take the front door, you take the back. Let's do some good!"
-- _The Adventures of Captain Justice_, Issue 297:
"The Return of Dr. Destruction"
*****
Carl has a reputation for being a mean drunk. This is largely due to the fact that he isn't a "people person", and so doesn't take kindly to others distracting him from visits to the sauce trough. In point of fact, when he's alone with his whiskey, Carl has it in him to be rather maudlin.
As it happens, Carl had found the bar still fairly empty. His return had quickly amended that to "_totally_ empty". And because there is, indeed, still plenty of free (read: abandoned) alcohol on hand...
...maudlin it is.
He sits slumped against the wall with a semicircle of discarded bottles and cans around him, none of the chairs having been designed for one of his bulk. And again, he plays it over in his mind:
They'd run Dr. Destruction to ground in a warehouse in one of those newly arrived "parallel dimensions", as the eggheads had called them. Of course, Carl was no stranger to such things -- hadn't he escaped from Dimension X no less than _three_ times after being whisked away there by Queen Dementia? And the place with the warehouse hadn't seemed *nearly* as strange as that. Heck, it had looked downright *boring*.
So, it had been the same old drill as usual...
"I'll take the front door," Carl says, his voice a drunken, bitter sing-song, "you take the back. Let's do some good!"
How could _Carl_ have known that the good Doctor had been playing by a different set of rules that day? _And_ with a different set of toys? No more freeze rays or nega-rays or any other kind of rays for the Doc! Nosirree! Nothing but Smith & Browning P-483 Hellfire plasma projectors...
Heavy footsteps on broken glass shatter his foggy reverie. Carl eyes the three newcomers with drunken irritation. Big, muscle-bound guys... black and red leather uniforms that were probably supposed to look "cool"... one of them with a blue nimbus of power surrounding his clenched fist...
Boosted mercs. Bad dudes artificially augmented to superhuman status to make them even badder.
Or, in Carlspeak: Pussies.
"Hey, Carl," says one with a smirk, his eyes glowing red as he swaggers forward, "Your employer heard about a ruckus down this way. Thought maybe you could use some backup." He sniffs the air elaborately and makes a face. "Smells like you've already _got_ backup in here, though. A _sewer_ backup." His companions chuckle indulgently.
Redeye cracks his knuckles. "So what's the story, Carl? You think the bossman's paying you to get drunk? You need a little incentive to get back to work, maybe?"
Carl grins beneath a lowered brow as he lurches to his feet. "I think you assholes are gonna find," he says, "that you've come at a bad time."
*****
[Panel 6]
*KA-POW!!*
Captain Justice's mighty fist sends Red Menace flying across the street!
[Panel 7]
The Red Menace smashes into a car!
[Panel 8]
The Red Menace picks up the car and hurtles it at the Captain!
[Panel 9]
*SMASH!!*
The Captain shatters the flying car with one blow!
"All right, Red," he says, "I'd say it's time to wrap this up before SOMEone gets hurt..."
[Panel 10]
"It is *you* who will hurt!" Red Menace assures him. "You and your filthy capitalist society will-"
[Panel 11]
"-URK!"
Red Menace doubles over as Captain Justice plows into his midsection!
[Panel 12]
Captain Justice dusts off his hands above the unconscious Menace. "Dosvedanya, Red, old chum. Looks like you'll have plenty of time to write your next manifesto... in jail!"
-- _The Adventures of Captain Justice_, Issue 302:
"How Red is my Menace?"
*****
Redeye's face crunches into unrecognisibility beneath Carl's fist. Carl figures that pays him back for the sunburn he'd gotten from the merc's nastybad heat vision.
Mr. Blue Fist blasts Carl with whatever exotic energy he'd been building up so dramatically. Carl demonstrates just how much this impresses him by caving in the merc's ribcage.
The third merc is already on the floor -- face down, thankfully. Since that particular merc hadn't been flaunting his power, Carl had suspected that he, out of the three of them, _might_ have known what he'd been doing. So, Carl had taken care of him first.
Carl wipes his hands on his pants and snorts. "You guys oughta get your money back, if that's all the pumping up you got for your money..."
Taking a moment to relieve himself -- in the corner, politely enough -- Carl wanders out the door, whistling tunelessly.
Nothing like a little exercise to clear your head.
Part 2
When she hired me to 'keep her outta trouble', I knew trouble was just what she was gonna be. But even I hadn't figured on her gettin' swiped by a pack o' Satan-worshippin' vampires. Guess the unexpected's all part of the job.
They were hidin' out in a seedy waterin' hole they ran down by the docks. "The Vampire's Kiss", they called it. They probably figured that was funny. They figured wrong.
I stepped through the door same way I always do: Like I owned the place. Vampires don't expect that. Makes'em think I'm either a swaggerin' fool or one mean sonuvagun. One makes'em overconfident, the other makes'em scared. Either way, I get the advantage.
-- "The Vampire's Kiss", _True Adventure Tales of Joe Black:
Long Arm of the Law!_, Vol. I, Issue 37
*****
The man walks into the dimly lit bar as though he owns the place.
The silver star pinned to his black duster gleams like a frozen flame, echoing the cold blue fire of his eyes in the shadow his black stetson. Those eyes stare straight ahead, never moving... but not a soul in the bar doubts that they've been seen. And judged.
Someone in a darkened booth hisses at the light of that badge, the light of those eyes. Like casual lightning, the man's revolver whips out and puts a bullet through his brain.
The inevitable screaming starts. The man stalks forward into the room, leaving more space between himself and the door. Room for some to escape. To live.
Some take that opportunity; others decide to take on the man who offers it. It doesn't matter. Those who must die, will die.
With a swish and a flash of gunmetal, the pistol is holstered and the rifle at the man's back unsheathed.
*clickclackBOOM*
*clickclackBOOM*
*clickclackBOOM*
The gun's lever action is a deadly metronome, keeping time for a symphony of wailing and carnage.
*****
I found her in the back room. Their high priest had'er back there, spread-eagled on a stone table decked out with candles and red scribbled nonsense, all set to be the main attraction of a ritual t'call his Dark Father. When he saw me, I guess he figured ol' Dad could wait while he tore out my throat. I had other ideas. A bullet through the heart brought him around to my way of thinkin'.
The girl was mighty grateful when I brought'er around, of course -- grateful enough to offer me another perk or two on top of the fee I had comin' to me, if you take my meanin'. I had to decline, of course. Takin' more than my due just wouldn't've been right. I'd just done my job.
I'd seen to the Law.
-- "The Vampire's Kiss", _True Adventure Tales of Joe Black:
Long Arm of the Law!_, Vol. I, Issue 37
*****
The woman flees blindly down the alley behind the bar, throat raw from screaming. The screams behind her have fallen silent, but that brings her no comfort. It means only that _he_ is done with his work back there, and is free to pick it up elsewhere.
Are those bootsteps on the pavement behind her? She would scream again if she could. Instead, she redoubles her pace. The street is a mere block away...
Why had this happened? What possible _reason_ could there be for such cold-blooded _slaughter_? Why would-
Yes, definitely bootsteps in the darkness! And... a flash of silver? But she's reached the end of the alley now! She can get away, find help...
The man in black steps into the mouth of the alley. His merciless gaze is an upraised hammer, hot from the forge.
She sinks to her knees in the muck before him.
"Oh, please, God, no..."
Gunmetal whispers on leather.
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