Lust
Part Five
Part 5
I woke up the next day sweaty after a very detailed dream in which Aya was singing to me again, not the first song as he had before about the whip, but one of those concert songs, "I’d rather die, than give you control " as he fucked me. Of course when I woke up covered in my own mess, I realised that Nagi was playing the song in question. Which was a slight relief.
I got up and showered, trying to wash the debacle of the previous night out of my head and off my skin but all I could remember was the feel of his breath on my skin and the shape of his mouth as he told me that he wanted to fuck me like an animal. This was about control, it was still about control. It just happened that he was in control at the moment. Nagi was in a really good mood, and his music was very loud. I put on a pair of pants and went out, he was in the kitchen, making pancakes. I had a slight hangover, and I was tired from a night of what can only be called excessive wet dreams.
He had made expensive coffee, "tell me all about it." he said as he heaped thick fluffy pancakes in front of me and handed me the syrup.
"I don’t know the artist well enough to tell if they were any good." I said honestly, "but the crowd were wild, scary, and I’m not sure I like the idea of you going to a place like that."
"Then backstage my tickets." He said, "and besides I’ll be with Schu and Far, like anyone is going to do anything to me when I’m with them, Tousan." He said, I really have to get him out of the habit of doing that. He’s still so tiny he could mistaken for someone much younger than he is, and there were some real freaks at that concert last night. I have to concede his point though. I’m sending him with a pair of freaks.
"Did they play Closer?" He asks, I ask which one was it, he tells me, I agree, they definitely played that one, and I go back to my room and get him the set list I got for him. I drank my coffee.
"Their opener wasn’t very good though, loud, swore a lot, not much melody." I tell him. He shrugs and goes back to asking me questions about a concert I really wasn’t paying any attention to and it took four hours after for my ears to stop ringing. "They played something called Pretty Vacant that’s not on the list." I thought Nagi was going to faint, he stopped breathing and a vase at the window exploded.
"They didn’t." He accused.
"They did." I told him.
"It’s not on the list." He said.
"It was a fan request. The lead singer did it on his own."
"K’so." Nagi swore, Nagi never swears, Nagi swears about as often as I lose control. "I’d give a kidney to see that. I’ll have to get Schu to arrange it. You’re sure it was called Pretty Vacant." I nod. "You don’t even know what it was." Nagi protested, "you don’t even understand."
"What was it, a b side?" Nagi actually slaps his head.
"I don’t know you." He says walking away, "I can’t believe," I don’t hear the rest of it before he walks away. I eat my breakfast in silence and then go to the gym where I work out for hours trying to burn the tension away, but every time I do I see red hair flicked across lily white skin with half lidded eyes, "It comes down to this." He sings, his voice thick with lust. I have to have him, or I am going to die, explode like the vase in the kitchen. He hadn’t been giving me a look at the concert, had he? He had called me Crawford though. I never answer to Bradley, I hate the name, in my head I only answer to Oracle or Crawford, I have to pay attention when Schuldig calls me Brad or Brad-Brad or the more detested Bradley. The same as I don’t think of him as Ran, though that’s his name, I call him Aya, the name he chose for himself.
I make a decision as we do need a new vase now, as Nagi detonated the other one. I am going to go to the Kitty in the House and I am going to buy some flowers.
I should have checked the rota first. Its Sunday, they’re closed.
I go to the apartment I have decided to rename the Fujimiya Aya Well as that doesn’t sound quite as ominous as shrine, even if it is a shrine, and watch him. Rewinding through the footage revealed that he had slept in till nearly ten and skipped practise. That has never happened before, and now he’s wandering around in battered cotton pyjama bottoms and a washed out sweatshirt that must be five sizes too big for him with a coffee cup. He looks really hot like that too. Tired but hot.
He has lain down on the horrid green sofa they have, with his white are feet hanging over the end, the coffee cup dangling from one wrist, empty, and the other wrist over his eyes. "Hard night?" Balinese asks from the kitchen.
"A long night." He corrects, without moving. "Great show though. My ears are still ringing."
"Did they?" Balinese asks interestedly.
"Of course." He replies not waiting to ask what it was, but judging by my conversation with Nagi this morning I can guess. "And, after show party at the hotel." He’s bragging.
"You are too pretty!" Balinese accuses hitting him on the stomach with a throw pillow on the stomach, when he brings his hand up to protect himself he drops the empty coffee cup.
"I don’t beat you up when you’re hung over." Aya accuses with a laugh.
"I don’t get to go to after show parties at the hotel, unless you count that," he catches himself, "I hate you," he says hitting him with the pillow again.
"Yoji, I’m sick." He protests laughing.
"It’s self inflicted." Bombay pipes up from somewhere. "So you can suffer."
He has balled himself up into a foetal position as Balinese beats him with the cushion, this appears to be a game, they are both laughing. "Is there something I should know about?" Siberian asks going into the communal area.
"Aya has a hangover after going backstage and then to the after show party." Bombay explains from his position off camera.
Siberian’s expression is calm as he takes the pillow from Youji. "You have till the count of three." He says quietly, "one," Aya takes no further hints and springs to his feet and runs out of the room laughing, Siberian dives after him.
I get the impression they’ve played this game before, just maybe not with Aya, this strikes me as out of character for him. He stops at the top of the stairs, looking slightly grey as Siberian comes up, "enough." He rests his head in his hands, "I do have quite a hang over."
"Serves you right." He says, "come back down, I won’t beat you with the cushion, I promise, I’ll even make you some breakfast."
"Temee," Aya growls. "I’ll kill you one day."
"Probably," Siberian says offering him a hand up. I don’t have a hangover, I actually feel quite healthy, repressed and desperate, but healthy. He looks all cute though ever so slightly grey. "How does bacon and eggs sound?" Aya takes the pillow from him and bats him with it. "Smoked eels it is then."
Part of me is envious of their easy complicity, and I wonder if I could someday have something similar. No, this is about control. I want to control him. My brain supplies me with the image of him in the kitchen obeying my every whim, that image isn’t as pleasant as I thought it would be. It replaces himself with an image of me tickling him, and he has his knees up to try and fend me off and we are both laughing. I like that image, but its not an image of control, its an image of complicity. I wonder if he is ticklish.
This is about control, I tell myself, not complicity.
I flick the control to real time. He’s still lounging on the sofa, he’s watching TV, actually, now I look closer, he’s asleep facing an on television. He looks peaceful when he sleeps. The night vision camera is invasive and so I rarely watch him sleep, besides he has his covers so far up all I can see is the tip of his nose and the top of his ears, and two fingers out of five. He looks almost boyish, there is no artifice in his face, no stress, nothing. He has curled up on his side with his hand by his face. He looks sweet sleeping. His lower lip was out in an almost pout. Judging by the way his eyes are flickering I’d say he was dreaming.
I lean forward and touch the screen tracing the line of his jaw with my fingers. Control, this is all about control, but he is in control now.
I have set up a bed in the well, so I take the opportunity to sleep. My dream changes again, sometimes I don’t imagine him screwing me senseless. I dreamt that I was watching him sleep. He had kicked off the covers because he was too warm, my heat in the bed had made the cover unbearable, his back was bare, and he was sleeping sprawled out, there was a mark on his back, I couldn’t make out what it was as it was obscured by the line of the sweat pants he was sleeping in. He wasn’t curled up by sprawled on his side so that he was almost on his stomach. His hair was swept back from his profile and he was sucking on his pout. He was mine, and I was his. I was watching him sleep and he let me, not like I had before where I had stolen it. The right was mine and I had taken it.
When I woke up I had a strange taste in my mouth, almost as if I had had a vision, but all the visions I’ve had lately have been the answers to quiz show questions before they’re asked, and myself surrounded by cats. I wondered over the mark on his back, probably a scar, but I am yet to see him topless, maybe I do need to put a camera in the bathroom.
I showered and put on some fresh clothes, the well is very well stocked, and went back to the safe house. "Long day, brad-brad?" Mastermind asks me. I just scowl at him. There is coffee in the pot and they’re getting ready for their concert, "You’ve been occupied lately."
"It’s nothing." I tell him.
"Are you sure, we could help you know, we’re all team mates here."
"It’s nothing." I shout at him before I catch myself.
"Okay," he says backing away slightly. "Just trying to be friendly, still not shifted that poem then."
"No." I snarl. "If you want anything, I’ll be in my room." Even if they did want something they’d never come in and ask.
Nagi knocked to let me know they were going out. I hauled him in for an inspection, knowing what I wore to the same concert the night before and what met me there, a certain American drummer comes to mind, I wanted to make sure he’d be all right. Hell I knew I was paranoid, he was going with Mastermind and Berserker, it was everyone else I should have worried for, but Nagi is still very young.
He wore a black long sleeved tee that covered him quite nicely if it was a bit tight fitting and a pair of chocolate brown jeans and heavy lace up boots. He was dressed respectably, but I suspect he was wearing mascara. When he turned around I very nearly gagged. The entire back of the tee was covered in tour dates, fine, but the title of the tour was "eat the pregnant." It was a tee to make Berserker smile. "I know," he said quietly, "I’ll go change."
"No," I said, "it’s okay," I forced it out.
"Are you all right?" He asked. "You’ve been different lately,"
"Just prepossessed." I tell him. "But shouldn’t you be wearing something with chains and buckles."
"I was going to, but I figured you’d have me in for inspection and didn’t want to risk it." He says with a smile. He shows me his ear where he is wearing four separate hoops. I think a week ago I would have beaten him for it, today it doesn’t surprise me.
"I upgraded your ticket." I tell him, "keep an eye on Farfarello, and."
"I know," he says sullenly, "no powers."
"I was going to say, no freaky American drummers or after show parties." I ruffle his hair.
"Hai, Tousan." He smiles, "I like you better like this. I’m beginning to think I don’t want you to nail Abyssinian if you’re going to be like this."
A week ago I would have beaten him, as it is I blush bright red. "how?" Is about all I can manage.
"I would." He says, "hell all of us would, you’re just late to noticing it. And besides those tapes of yours are damn hot." My hand tightens on his shoulder, not out of a desire to hurt him, I just have to clutch on. "And you’ve been calling out his name in your sleep."
"Go." I say. "Now." He doesn’t waste the opportunity.
They know, they all know.
I could die.
At the Kitty in the House they have abandoned him to attend the same concert, I begin to wonder if its been planned that way. They hadn’t had they? I am a precognitive, I am meant to be able to see the future, I am meant to be able to see people plotting my downfall. I should have had a vision, a hint, something, I wasn’t losing my power, I still knew who it was before I answered the phone, if anything it was getting stronger, but Nagi knew.
I didn’t like it.
I didn’t like it one bit.
Aya had woken up and after eating leftovers had gone on the Internet to kill time. I knew for a fact he didn’t get the opportunity to do it often. He checked on the release dates for some books, I could see the screen perfectly and even zoomed in, and then with something of a guilty smile he logged on to a chat room.
I could have died.
I took a note of the location and his call sign and did exactly the same thing with a laptop I kept under my bed in case of emergencies. It was there in case of black outs or emergencies but if I used the big computer I couldn’t see his expression when he was typing, and besides it’s not like he would know it was me.
It took a couple of minutes to register with the damn thing, another thing I would have liked to foresee, I can foresee leeks for dinner but I can’t foresee annoying registration forms. I registered myself under the call sign BLACKORACLE. I couldn’t resist. When I saw it wasn’t taken I just had to. He took the bait.
REDROSE: I thought you didn’t like surprises.
BLACKORACLE : LOL, why I never.
Truth be told I picked up Internet slang from Nagi, and then I’m not good at it.
REDROSE: I’m switching to a private channel. No one can interfere now.
I couldn’t have told the difference. This is Nagi’s domain, not mine.
BLACKORACLE: On your own?
REDROSE: they went out, left me house sitting.
He was smiling.
BLACKORACLE: same here, mine went to a concert, same as we did.
REDROSE: LOL, same here. Did they make dinner first?
BLACKORACLE: LOL
BLACKORACLE: they never do.
That was a lie, Schuldig most often did make dinner, and I had told him not to bother.
REDROSE: image of everyone at concert. LOL
BLACKORACLE: only let Prodigy go as Berserker going, never heard of band till last night, now scared.
REDROSE: you got out alive didn’t you, and mostly unharmed.
BLACKORACLE: molested by some woman with hands like Doctor Octopus, jiggled at by groupies, congratulated on the show, and propositioned by the drummer, mostly unharmed.
REDROSE: LOL. What did he propose.
BLACKORACLE: he invited me to the after show party, he really wanted me to
BLACKORACLE: come
BLACKORACLE: his pause not mine.
REDROSE: LOL *and points*
REDROSE: should have come though, it was fun. A good chance to practise English.
BLACKORACLE: I’m American, I don’t need to practise English, and was it the drummer that invited you?
REDROSE: that would be telling?
BLACKORACLE: did you
BLACKORACLE: come
BLACKORACLE: sorry hit the wrong button.
REDROSE *I believe you*
I can see from the expression on his face that that is not what he’s thinking, he’s giggling and enjoying what can only be called flirting.
BLACKORACLE: It’s not really your scene the whole groupie thing.
REDROSE: not really, I did only go for the music
BLACKORACLE: I thought you’d listen to traditional music, you look like you should, I didn’t think you’d like the whatever they were called.
REDROSE: I like American
REDROSE: music.
BLACKORACLE: really.
I’m pretending to ignore the very blatant slip there.
REDROSE: I like my music sexy, I like artists I can lose myself in. and their instrumental pieces are haunting.
BLACKORACLE: honto ni
REDROSE: honto
BLACKORACLE: honto honto
He is laughing at this.
REDROSE: honto, raid Prodigy’s CDs and check.
BLACKORACLE: I believe you.
This is more fun that I could have thought. We’re almost strangers despite knowing each other for years, in one way or another, and we do seem to have things in common.
REDROSE: Its not all about f*cking you like an animal
He’s rubbing his hands together in glee at that one. I’m not going to let it slide.
BLACKORACLE: IMHO you are trying to tease me
REDROSE: I couldn’t believe you didn’t know it.
BLACKORACLE: I don’t like many new artists. I like classical music.
REDROSE: so does WHITEKNIGHT, but he had a good time.
WhiteKnight, so that’s Honjyou’s call sign, I’ll remember that for later.
BLACKORACLE: he looked more at home than I did.
REDROSE: didn’t want to be there either, but had this image of me in the middle of the crowd.
REDROSE: *image of trampled flower*
BLACKORACLE: you’re not Prodigy, you can look after yourself.
REDROSE: I imagine you could take care of me
If he gets any more blatant…
REDROSE: you’ve always beaten me in the past its hard to get past your defences.
I have to diffuse this…
BLACKORACLE: I’d let you go in the pit alone, it was scary in there, like something from a zombie flick
REDROSE: LOL
REDROSE: LOL
REDROSE: LOL
He is laughing as well, thinking of his next answer. I have made him laugh.
REDROSE: you didn’t say whether or not you enjoyed it
BLACKORACLE: it certainly was unexpected
REDROSE: next time its my turn to buy you a drink.
I don’t think he can get more blatant.
BLACKORACLE: It was on me
I can play too, I’m out of practise, but not made of stone. He is smirking at that.
REDROSE: this is more fun than I thought it’d be
REDROSE: you seem OOC
BLACKORACLE: OOC?
REDROSE: out of character,
BLACKORACLE: you don’t know me very well if you think that
REDROSE: if I get to know you you’d be like this?
REDROSE: I thought you liked to be in control
BLACKORACLE: its my favourite way to play
REDROSE: we’re alike in that, I like to be in control too
BLACKORACLE: a bad habit, maybe I could break you out of it
REDROSE: might be more effort than its worth.
He’s still smiling, I have made him smile, I have made him laugh.
REDROSE: am going to sign off now as nature calls and there’s a film I want to watch on tonight.
REDROSE: was fun, see you soon
REDROSE has left the chatroom
BLACKORACLE: I hope.
|