Jokes from Russia
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Jokes from Russia (Drinking)
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In the Kremlin, during a solemn meeting, Yeltsin forwarded to Putin the suitcase
with nuclear button. After that he pulled Putin aside so that he could
confidentially share the most important state secret with him: "The button doesn't
work!"
A man turns on TV. On the first TV channel dear Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev is making a
Speech. He switches TV to another channel - again Brezhnev. The third channel -
still Brezhnev! Desperately hoping to get something else, the man switched his TV
to the fourth channel - this time, what he saw was a close-up of a KGB officer who
was shaking his fist, saying: "Just try and switch it one more time..."
In the morning of January 1, 2000, having celebrated all night long, a man looked
at himself in the mirror. What he saw was a swollen unshaved face and red eyes.
He whispered, "Is that what you are, the man of the 3rd millennium?!"
A drunkard gets into a cab.
Driver: Where to?
Drunkard: What do you care?
At the exam on international business.
Professor: What is the main product Russia imports from India?
Student: Well…
Professor (trying to help the student): What do a lot of people drink?
Student (trying to remember what he and his buddies usually drink): Well…
Professor (sipping his tea): What do YOU usually drink in the morning?
Student (happily remembering how much pickle helps fight hangover): Pickle! You mean we import pickle from India?
A husband returned home very late.
Wife (having smelled beer on him): "Where have you been?"
Husband: "I have been playing chess with the neighbor."
Wife: "Why do you smell like beer barrel?"
Husband: "Why? Do I need to smell like a chessboard?"
A waiter brought a beefsteak to a customer.
Waiter: "Your beefsteak, sir."
Customer: "Why does this beefsteak smell of beer so much?"
Waiter, still holding the plate, stretching his hands and trying to hold his breath: "What about now?"
“Where are you going?” a wife asks her husband.
“I am going to the choir rehearsal!” he is answers.
“What do you do there?”
“I play cards, I drink…”
“When do you sing then?”
“On the way home…”
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