Satan doesn't fight fair, he never will! He will use your children, your hubby, your friends, anyone who is close to you he will use to hurt YOU! He has been trying all my life to destroy me. I never really understood why, till I started seeing what God had in store for me.. That alone is scary,, but in a good sense. I can't live without Jesus in my life, and each trial or attack I face, I feel as though I can't go on! I still hurt, I still feel pain, and I still carry thoughts of suicide.. When I received my healing in 06-20-00 I went online giving God all praise and glory for this miracle healing He performed in me.. I went in every chat room that would listen to my testimony Jesus blessed me with, when He removed the avm from my head without having surgery!

While online giving my testimony through many Christian chat rooms I came to know a priest from Africa. He was excited and overwhelmed about my healing and showed much enthusiasm in my testimony. We began to visit regular online and I enjoyed his visit. He later asked me if he ever came to America if he could visit with me. I told him I didn't know, I would need to talk it over with my husband.. Which I did, and we both saw no harm in his visit if he ever came to America seeing he was a priest of a major denomination! I told him we both agreed it would be okay, if he ever came, not knowing he had plans to come in August of 2000. He stayed in our home with us as our guest. We treated him with respect and made him feel welcome.. In return his last day in our home I was raped by this man in the presence of my two granddaughters who were 1, and 2 at the time. He caught me off guard, as I was coming down the hallway, and he came out of his room behind me. I was grabbed and thrown to the floor, while he forced himself on me. My two granddaughters witnessed the whole thing, and as it was happening they knew something wasn't right and began screaming and crying for me. I wasn't able to get to them or comfort them, till afterwards when it was over. When he left my house that day all I could do was shower and scrub my body with bleach! I sat down most of the day crying with much fear in how I was going to tell this to my husband!

I didn't! I chose to keep it to myself and hide it! I never told one person except my personal doctor, who gave me a check and ran some tests! I was told I should be tested for HIV, and I was and still am. I have one more test to complete the series of this test!

Results as of this day, I am negative, which means I do not have this death virus in my body. The reason I was checked is because after the priest did to me what he did, he admitted he performed such acts with women in his church. Africa is known as being the number one country for carrying this death virus. This priest worked with orphan children, and drug addicated mothers, and performed this sexual act with other women! In knowing all this I took the test, and chose to remain silent from it!

It was easter weekend of 2001 that I finally told my husband of the rape from the priest. I also laid my life wide open before him and told him of all the abuse I had suffered since childhood! He knew I was abused in some areas of my life, but never new the severity of it. That night I finally confessed my wrongs to him before God, I could see the pain and hurt in his eyes he had for me. I could feel His love he had for me, when I thought all this time he would be angry and upset with it. He sat beside me on the sofa that night, and after I poured out my heart to him, I felt his sorrow he had for not being able to help me!

From that night on, I've learned to not hold back things that upset me or bother me.. to be totally up front and honest about all things. This is what makes a relationship between husband and wife. To be honest and to love no matter what!

I was abused by satan for his pleasure of slowly tearing and destroying my life! I was placed with parents who were to love me unconditionally, to care for me, and provide me with joy and happiness in my life! But instead Satan came in through my step mother to afflicate pain and long suffering on me and in my life! Satan knew exactly who to use to damage me! He knew my step mom was weak, and my dad would overlook the acts she took against us children! So satan came in our home and used my parents to hurt each of us!

Satan also used my fear, shame, guilt, lonelyiness, confusion, hate, anger, bittnerness, humility, ignorance, against myself!! I was ingornant to life, because I never understood my role as a wife! I pretended for all these years to know who and what I was, but because me, I almost let my marriage, my family, and me become destroyed by SATAN!

My life in general was under serious attack so much because satan didn't want me to have a relationship with Jesus Christ Our Lord God! He was bound and determine to keep me in such a bondage of fear, and ignorance so I wouldn't be strong in the Word of God. But satan only hurts himself when he comes after God's children! Satan trys to keep us all weak and in fear so we won't reach out to Jesus and ask for His help. Satan knows the power We have through Jesus Christ our Lord when we use HIS NAME!

Jesus Christ was there each and every time I called upon His name! When I tried suicide during this last year, I planned it so I would home alone while my husband was at work.. God knew my plan, each time I attempted this on myself! The first time I tried it, I was home alone, with the pills in my hand and water in the other! God sent my children, and my sister to my house that day. They all stayed with me till 30 minutes before my my husband came home from work. What was so strange about it all, this was a Saturday, and my children, and sister always never visits me on this day, mainly because it is their day for their own pleasure and spending it with their family.

The second time I tried this past year, just actually a few days later from the first time, I went through the same steps. This time I closed off my house, and hid my car, to make it look like I was gone. I even called my sister and told her I was going to a church singing that night and not bother coming down if she had plans to.

When I began putting the pills to my mouth I began seeing something forming in my living room. I thought it was the devil himself coming for me! I was so scared I was beginning to see a very large out line forming before my own eyes.. Then I heard a voice talking to me from this figure. It was a angel sent by God himself! This angel was very tall and spoke to me of God's love and the works He had in store for me! He told me God sent him to help me fight this battle because our Lord God knew I was getting weak, and ready to give up! This angel spoke to me for a very long time that night, and told me so many things that I couldn't really comprehend! But I wasn't scared of this form, and during the time I was seeing it I felt a blanket of peace holding me!

I now realize through all I've gone through in this life so far, that as a child I had no control over the abuse being brought upon me! I also realize that if I would have kept my daughter she could of been hurt through the abuse I lived through! I Thank you Lord Jesus for placing her in a good Christian home with parents who do love her!!

I blame satan for the mistakes I made in my marriage through the fear he kept me lock up in. I also blame me for not really trusting as I should of! I also realize and see how satan was attacking me again after my healing when he sent that priest to destroy the works of God in me, even if it meant killing me.

It was never really me who wanted to kill myself, it was the thought that was put there by satan, because of fear! Since the truth has finally come out about me to my husband in November of 2001, I became so heavily depressed and my last attempt at suicide. I saw me taking the pills, and in such a panick attack I myself called the crisis hotline and asked for help! I knew right then if I would of swallowed those pills then satan would of won the battle with destroying me and totally devouring my family! I knew I needed God once again, and I called out Jesus's name, and reached for help! I am now classified through my insurance as having a mental illness known as "Clinically Depressed". I wasn't ready to accept this term, nor could I tell others I had a mental illness! Again I felt ashamed of my sickness. I've since then have accepted who I am, and take my medication that my doctor has subscribed for me. I do know Our lord Jesus Christ is healing me in my heart, mind, body, and soul, because I feel His presence in me and through me as I sit silent while He makes me whole!

I hope by me sharing with you all my life's story, of all that which I have gone through, that you also can come to know Jesus Christ, and He will do for you all that He has done for me! Always know that GOD LOVES YOU JUST AS YOU ARE!! He made you, and gave you this life to live. Never doubt the impossible, for with God all things are possible! Be prepared to fight these battles and never give up no matter how hard they seem to be at times.. The wolf (satan) is good at disguising himself for who and what he isn't! Come to fully trust in Jesus Christ, for through Him we can do all things through Christ which strengthenth us Phillipians 4:13..

John 10:10 reads as -The thief cometh not, but for to steal kill, and to destroy, I am come that they might have life, and they might have it more abundantly.. Amen

I look for abundant life, and I know that all things come to those who wait upon the LORD. I also realize we can't rush Our Lord God Almighty, we have to sit and be patient as he molds us and makes us as He see's us.. I LOVE YOU LORD JESUS CHRIST for saving my soul, and protecting my family. I lift my hands and voice giving you all the praise, glory, and honor for providing and equipping me with all I need in this daily walk on earth filled with satan and sin! I ask Father God that you continue to use me to help reach those who hurt, and are filled with the pain, that I know so well. Cross my path with all who are seek your face and call upon your name for help! Use me to reach them for You Lord God. For I come in the Mighty Name of Jesus claiming this and asking it to be done, Amen!

01) Would you like to receive Christ right now into your life as your only Lord and Saviour? (yes)

02) Who in truth loves you unconditionally? (click here)

03) That which is seen is temporal, but that which is unseen is eternal (click here)

04) Six things God wants you to know (click here)