Be Careful What You Wish For

A Rurouni Kenshin fanfiction

By Chibi Tenshi and Kirstian

Chapter Twelve

Without a note of emotion in his voice, the boy behind her nodded his chin and said, "Shishio-san."

"B-b-but... but he's dead," Kaoru cried.

"That's what I thought, too," Soujirou mumbled - and then chirped happily, "looks like we were both mistaken!"

The mummified and robed demon of Hell took a step forward - and then a voice outside the tree replied with a trace of sarcasm, "ever heard the saying 'dead-man walking'?"

"Yumi-san," Soujirou warmly responded, sticking his head out of the crack in the base of the tree to glance to his left and wave at the woman leaning against the bark. "How are you?"

"I'm dead, Sou," she replied nastily - and then smiled back at him. "But how are you?"

"Oh, I'm doing fine, thank you for asking."

She hadn't fainted during the entire ordeal - even with Kenshin's absolutely swoon-worthy come ons, she hadn't lost consciousness - but dead people. Now that was a bit much, so Kaoru figured it was about time to pull the damsel-in-distress-nevermind-shock-overload bit.

Soujirou held out his arms and caught her as she fell backwards against him, muttering a worried, "oh dear..." as he fanned her face.

Through her blurred blinks, Kaoru could make out the shape of the bandaged man that had almost brought over a new revolution of Japan, a bright light shining behind him - and standing in the first line behind him, Megumi, Misao and Tae; the second line, Saitoh, Aoshi, Hiko, Kenshin and Sanosuke, and the throng of the villages and cities she had brought along with her lining up behind them.

"... what is that," she whispered. "They're all like... like zombies..."

Beside her, Yumi declared rather testily as the music started again, "you know Shishio-sama. Has to make his entrances."

Kaoru was more or less still fairly shocked when the mass of people started moving forward and then began to twitch their shoulders in unison - "what are they doing?!"

"It's a 1980's thing," Yumi sighed.

"N-Nine-Nineteen EIGHTIES?!"

"Oh," Soujirou exclaimed, "good work, Shishio-san, Himura-san!"

Kaoru looked forward again, disbelief etched on her face, only to catch the entire group throw their arms out and shake their hips, sidling forwards. Breaking free of Soujirou's grip, she surged out into the forest, fists bunched at her sides. "K-KENSHIN!"

"Kaoru, my love," he replied happily as he grabbed at his crotch, "look at sessha dance!"

Even with the group knitted closely together, she still managed to peg him off with a branch. "I CAN SEE THAT!!"

"Ne, Yumi-san, what is this," Soujirou asked happily.

"A man called Michael Jackson made it up, Sou," she said idly, examining her nails. "Quite the rage in the Underworld. Just sit back and let Shishio-sama have his fun."

"If you say so, Yumi-san, although it sure does look like fun."

"... shut up, Sou."

"Alright, Yumi-san."

"KENSHIN, YOU IDIOT, WHY ARE YOU DANCING!?" Rage was taking over.

"I don't know, love, but just wait for me there until I'm done!"

Kaoru started to argue again but chose to eep and leap backwards into the tree as the dance group swayed forward.

"Taaaaanuuuki-chan, look as these perfect hips," Megumi cried, and Misao butted her aside as they continued to prance and jump.

Rage pushed over for frustration. "... don't... don't you KNOW WHO THAT IS!?"

"Shishio Makoto," Saitoh and Aoshi replied matter-of-factly as they threw their arms around in the air and over their heads.

"Hey, shishou, sessha thinks that I have a nicer butt then yours," Kenshin yelled over the music as they turned a hundred-eighty degrees; Hiko looked over his shoulder and cocked a brow at him.

"Baka-deshi, you wouldn't know a nice butt if you were swinging a sword at it."

"Oh, like you're one to talk, Mister-I'm-too-cool-to-cut-my-hair," Sano argued as they all turned about face, waved their arms in the air and then shuffled around again.

"I don't think you should be talking about anyone's hair," Tae quipped as she trundled backwards. "You wasted my good fish sauce, Sagara-san. That's on your tab, you know."

"Thriller, thriller night," Shishio sang as he spun around on his toes. Beside her, Soujirou clapped. "'Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost who would dare to try, girl, this is thriller, thriller night, so let me hold you tight and share a killer-"

"STOP!"

The music cut out with a loud scrape; the dancing stopped. The woods were silent.

Kenshin looked up, blinking.

Megumi shot a glance at Tae, who shrugged.

Kaoru looked around for a moment, before twisting her lips together and blinking at Soujirou. "Where did that come from?"

The boy shrugged, before looking around in confusion as the music started again - and Kaoru cried, "what's going on" for probably the thousandth time in the last hour, before erupting into dance herself.

Megumi, Tae, and Misao shared a look between each other, before cheering and running forwards to join her, forming a line behind her and throwing their heads back, providing the back-up. "You drive me crazy baby, excited, I'm in too deep..."

Hiko nodded appreciatively. "That's what I meant by child-bearing hips."

Sano whistled. "I see whatcha mean."

"Oh-oh-oh, but it feels alright... baby, thinking of you keeps me up all night!"

Kaoru kicked her leg up, ready to sing - but then remembered she was just in a yukata. Even so, it took most of her willpower to stop, and by that time Kenshin and Sano had fainted against each other from intense blood loss, Aoshi had thanked the Gods for their good-grace, Hiko was smirking like a depraved mad-man, and Saitoh had given into his canine urges and let out another howl.

"And what was that?" Soujirou asked as Kaoru straightened her yukata.

"That, boy," Yumi replied thinly, "was something called Britney Spears - although I didn't expect to see it here... and let's hope we never have to see it again."

"Sessha would like to wish otherwise," Kenshin cried woozily, still suffering from his nose-bleed.

"Men," Yumi snorted in a very unlady-like manner before picking herself up from against the tree and moving over to Shishio's side, clasping herself to his arm. "Shishio-sama, she ruined your entrance."

Pineapple-headed bandage boy made a guttural sound as his response and shook his head; Yumi clucked her tongue affectionately, both turning their eyes on Kaoru.

"... oh no," she mumbled, putting her hands up and backing up against the tree, "don't tell me this crazy disease is even affecting the DEAD?!"

"Hah! You think Shishio-sama would go for a little runt like you," Yumi replied tartly, and the hair on Kaoru's head rose as she stopped retreating and instead took a step forward in defiance.

"Oh yeah, and what's wrong with me?! Most of Japan seems happy enough with me!"

Soujirou looked between Yumi and Kaoru and wasn't surprised to see sparks flying; cheerfully he quipped, "this is just like the good old days with Kamatari-san and Yumi-san, you know!"

"Shut up, boy," they both snapped back at him.

"Maa, maa, Kaoru," Kenshin tried as he rubbed the blood away with his sleeve, "does it really matter what Shishio thinks about you? Sessha thinks you're beautiful."

He was trying to be romantic, Kaoru knew, but for heaven's sake THERE WERE TWO DEAD PEOPLE STANDING ACROSS FROM THEM. It hurt the mood, to say the least.

"Yeah, yeah, Kenshin, it's old news now, get out of the way - what's going on here?! Why are you... so not...?!"

Happy as ever, and, frankly, beginning to scare the heebie-jeebies out of her, Soujirou finished, "... so not dead, Kamiya-san?"

"Yeah, that's the word!"

"Well," Yumi began tiredly, glancing back at her nails, "you see, Shishio-sama's Jigoku Tori was going very well, until you started this giant mess up on the surface... so we came out to give you some advice, girly."

"A-advice...? Wait," Kaoru blinked, having trouble congesting all the new information at once, "that... that light. It was you two... leaving Hell?! And what about this Jigoku Tori!?"

"Enma's been putting up quite a fight, you see, and..."

Shishio stuck his hand out; everyone fell quiet, except for Kenshin, who suddenly seemed to realize something. "Hey, didn't sessha see you... you know, die?"

"Yeah," Sano piped, sounding the slightest bit confused. Just the slightest.

"Where we're from and what we're doing isn't important to above-grounders," Shishio drawled. "And, yes, sempai, I'm dead."

"Oro... well," he blinked, "sessha wasn't expecting this. And that whole dance...?"

"Himura," Yumi sighed, exasperated, "there's a whole lot of things you're not going to understand, so why don't you just take a nap?"

"Nap?"

Rubbing his temples (Kaoru wondered if he really had to, being dead and all) Shishio sighed - and then pulled his hand away and muttered, "boo."

Kenshin and Sanosuke screamed, and the two passed out rather nicely in a pretty heap on the ground, left to be poked at by Misao and Hiko. Aoshi put his hand to his forehead dramatically and crumpled to the forest floor on top of them, and Saitoh stood still like he was made out of stone for a moment, until Misao kicked him in the shins and he went toppling over to the ground.

"Good riddance to bad trash," Yumi grumbled, pulling her dainty feet away from them.

"Alright, what's GOING ON HERE - I've about had it!!"

Soujirou, meanwhile, was having a fine time of his own striking up a conversation with his old mentor. "Shishio-san, what's hell like? Is Usui-san down there with you? Is it really warmer there then Okinawa?"

"Boring - yes - and, it's Hell, for Hell's sake, Sou." Soujirou blinked up at him cluelessly, and, steam venting out his ears, Shishio sighed and finished, "yes, Soujirou, it's warmer then Okinawa."

Kaoru would not have been surprised if all this lead her to some sort of intense mental breakdown where she would spend the rest of her life sitting in front of the dojo in a rocking chair wearing a shawl and throwing laundry buckets at anyone who dared step inside her gate. Although, that was bound to happen anyway, but, really, not so quickly! "Can we just get to the point?!"

"It's not as if we’re not here to have a nice little chat," Shishio growled in frustration, readjusting the bandages on his forehead. "If I wanted to talk about the weather I'd just go to Usui and watch his stupid broadcast on the television."

"Thinks he's so hot now that he gets to wear that nice suit and sit in front of the cameras," Yumi snorted. "Half of the time he doesn't even know where he's looking or where he's pointing on the map."

Kaoru and Soujirou blinked. "… te-re-bi-zi-on…?"

Throwing her hands above her head and very close to pulling her hair out, Kaoru screamed, "what are you talking about?! What is the point to this!?"

"The point is, you're a fool," Shishio snapped back. "Sit down and shut up. The ruler of Hell stands before you."

"Not quite yet, Shishio-sama, but I'm working on it," someone called out - and Soujirou laughed like a little boy and ran forward to greet the newest guest.

"Hoji-san! How are you?!"

Put-off, Hoji bit at the boy's hand and made a sound like a monkey - which he was quite well attired for in his gorilla suit. "It's not Hoji anymore, Seta, it's Bubbles."

"Ara, Bubbles? You're funny!"

Shishio slapped his hands over his eyes. "Hoji, the entrance is over now."

"Unfashionably late, as always." Yumi shook her head sadly.

"You know," Kaoru mumbled, twitching a brow at the monkey-man, "if you're trying to look scary and all, you know, like demons… well, you really aren't getting your point across… not to be rude or anything…"

Shishio's head rolled over to her - and the dimming light behind him suddenly flared, the woods warming until sweat was beading on her forehead. "What were you saying?"

"Alright, alright," Kaoru whined, "I get it!"

"My," Soujirou cheered, "it really is warmer then Okinawa!"

"This craze you've started up here is causing mass havoc down in the underworld," Shishio snarled at her, taking a step forward. "You'd think my legions of Hell would have better things to do then sit around and watch a girl run around avoiding the Tenken and Battousai, but no! But Shishio-sama, the newest game show is on," he quoted in a whiny voice, "but Shishio-sama - but NOTHING! I didn't work all this time just to be stopped by that infantile Bob Barker's 'Be Careful What You Wish For' FOX evening slot!"

"Now now, Shishio-sama," Yumi chimed, patting his arm, "you can take care of him later, there's no reason to get so upset. You know what rage does to your pores."

"Wait, wait - be careful what you wish for… you mean this is all happening because I wished for it!?"

"Well, even the dead have to amuse themselves, and it's not our fault that you weren't specific enough. Nevermind that those FOX producers will make anything into a reality TV show nowadays." Flipping her hair over her shoulder, Yumi yawned in boredom and tugged on Shishio's arm. "Come on, Shishio-sama, it's so dull up here."

He grunted and nodded. "It's too cold, anyway. But remember," he glared, looking over his shoulder as Yumi and him turned and walked back towards the light, Hoji dragging his arms behind them, "if you don't fix this soon and set the order of things back right, you're going to regret it."

"B-but how do I fix it?!" Kaoru screamed. "I don't even know what I did!!"

The three disappeared, though, with another explosion, and when Kaoru moved her hand away from her eyes, the light had gone, the forest dark and silent again.

_______________________________________________

Disclaimer: We own no part of Rurouni Kenshin or any other presences, other then Tenshi and Kirstian themselves, who will appear in this fic. If we did, Kenshin wouldn't be as clueless as he normally is, and he'd be called Tub-by. In any case, we have no money. We spent it all on Sesshoumaru's spandex Halloween getup. XD So don't sue. We'll sick Vash on you.