Be Careful What You Wish For

A Rurouni Kenshin fanfiction

By Chibi Tenshi and Kirstian

Chapter Five

Kaoru would’ve never believed for a second that she would have to resort to such tactics. It gave her new admiration for the Oniwabanshu ninjas, and Misao especially. This could not be easy. Her back was aching, and crawling like a worm for the past two hours had proved to be particularly nasty. She sighed happily as the mental image of a redhead giving her a massage popped in, only to be disturbed by the flock of people charging behind him and the mass brawl that erupted.

She let out a soft groan in frustration before glancing at her surroundings. Thank goodness. She was fairly certain she had ditched the last batch of villagers. She had snuck into a nearby village and stolen some clothes. Surrounded by a cluster of bushes, Kaoru had tightly bound her breasts and in a move that she would’ve ordinarily not contemplated, hacked off her hair. She nearly bawled at the sight of her reflection, with her once pretty hair currently lying on the ground. She had wrapped so many layers of cloth around her body in an attempt to look less feminine, hiding curves that so many people were finding irresistible.

She was fairly certain she looked ridiculous, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

The path was strangely quiet as she retraced her steps. It had been a long time since she had been up here, but surely enough, she would be safe here. The water would be safe up here, and it was isolated enough, except for the villages that she had passed a while ago.

She breathed a sigh of relief when her keen eyes caught sight of a hut several miles down the road. It was really getting hot.

The rising din caught her by surprise, as did the number of villagers and the chaos that followed immediately. She gaped at the sight of the trees falling down madly (it must’ve been Sanosuke rediscovering his zanbatou roots), the “hohoho’s” that echoed in the back, the whirl of sand that was unearthed as villagers went flying in every direction, and the unmistakable sounds of sakabatou meeting katana.

She screamed and made a run for it. She could hear the footsteps, followed by cries of “I love you, Jou-chan!”, “Shut up you smelly chicken head”, “I’ll show you what the zero-stance is really about,” and an extremely loud and ferocious “Oro” that lead to more airborne bodies.

It wasn’t possible. How could they have followed her all the way up here? She couldn’t help being as beautiful as she was, but why was it happening with EVERYONE from Tokyo!?

Kaoru shrieked as a pair of hands grabbed her leg, and fell over, tasting dirt in her mouth. The grinning face of Sanosuke took her completely by surprise as he started caressing her calf. With her other leg, she promptly kicked him square in the face, although she didn’t really need to as massive number of fighters came pouncing on him for touching their Kaoru. She scrambled quickly to her feet and continued running like hell.

From out of nowhere, all she could see was a series of movements right before her crowd of admirers caught up to her. Like slashes of lightning through the air, the large body landed gracefully on the ground, and from behind him, there were bodies either sprawled on the side of the path, on the trees, or making it back to home base.

Tears sprang from Kaoru’s eyes as she stared gratefully at the body of one Hiko Seijurou. He had protected her from the insanity. She threw herself against him happily, thankful that at least one person had remained sane. His hand patted her back reassuringly, and she bawled like she had never done before.

“Shishou, sessha would suggest that you take your hands off Kaoru.”

Hiko snorted. “If it isn’t my baka deshi. Have you finally stopped addressing her by that ridiculous honorific?”

Amber eyes glinted dangerously. “That does not concern you. Now, stop touching her beautiful body with your filthy hands.”

She turned around to stare at her beloved redheaded rurouni, who was anything but that at the moment. His expression was feral, and definitely possessive.

“Ken-shin?” she croaked out.

The bloodthirsty look faded from his face at her words. “Don’t worry, Kaoru. I will save you from this overgrown lecherous bastard.”

She nearly fell over had Hiko not tightened his hands around her waist. Was she mistaken or did Hiko’s touch seem strange somehow?

“You, baka deshi, are unfit to be my student, much less go after a woman like her.”

“And she deserves something more than a half drunk potter!”

Somehow she was flying through the air as Hiko leapt up to meet Kenshin’s sakabatou that was coming in the direction of her head.

“Don’t worry, Kaoru!” they both screamed even as she was just being dangled from under Hiko’s arm. “No harm will come to you!”

“AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” She clutched on to Hiko’s arm fiercely as they battled. It felt like she was being jerked around in a million directions, stuck in some sort of tornado.

Then, in a swift motion, she found herself looking down the waterfalls, and Kenshin yelling out, “That wasn’t a Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu move!!”

The smirk that Hiko had was decidedly obnoxious, and frightening.

“Ano, Hiko-sama…”

“Ah yes, my delicate little beauty. You will come with me to the hut, where we shall drink sake all night, and I will show you where the Ryuu from my technique comes from.”

She wasn’t quite sure what was more upsetting – his words, the hand creeping down her butt or the lecherous waggle of his eyebrows. She decided at the next moment when he leaned down to kiss her that enough was enough.

Sending the thirteenth master of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu on a scenic aerial tour of the mountains had a decidedly satisfactory feel to it. Chest heaving, Kaoru nursed her poor hand as she limped into the hut. She grabbed several jugs of sake just as a hand reached for her waist.

She found herself greeted by the sickening smell of fish sauce having been out in the sun too long, and a growl of another man not too far behind.

“I suggest you let her go, tori-atama.”

“Make me you damn wolf.”

Kaoru wanted to bury her head somewhere. Then a scream of “Get away Kaoru” caused her to kick Sanosuke in his shins just as a sudden smoke bomb detonated in the room. She dove out of the window screaming and landed on her side awkwardly. Grabbing her bruised ribs, she peeked in to find two men lying face up looking confused, and muttering gibberish.

“Ohohoho. See? These men… they lack the brains of a truly devious female.” Fox ears twitched merrily and Kaoru fought a shiver up her spine. Then she found her hands being stroked tenderly. “Poor tanuki-chan. Is that a boo-boo I see? Would you like Megumi-sensei to ki-”

Before Megumi could even finish her sentence, a jar of sake smashed down on her head. Kaoru looked on in horror. “I hope I didn’t kill you, but why did you have to say all those things?” Kaoru wailed.

"Ah! Kaoru-chan, if it's sake you want, the Akabeko-"

"Kyaaaaa!"

There went another jar, and Tae flopped onto the ground beside Megumi. "You two are so much better for each other, anyway," Kaoru cried as she ran. "Both working women, you'll make a great couple, I hope you're happy together!"

Okay, so it wasn't just in the water. Was it the air? Maybe it was just that time of year? All the other animals got it together at this time of year. How many times had she chased the rabbits off her lawn?!

Kenshin was swirling down at the bottom of the waterfall somewhere; Megumi and Tae were going to be passed out for a few hours; Sanosuke and Saitoh were going to take a while to find their way out of the smoke-filled hut. She could take care of the villagers, but - where was she going to go!? If even Hiko had been affected by her beauty, then the rumours of her ethereal and angelic exquisiteness had surely gotten to Kyoto, and she couldn't stand the thought of decimating another town or city.

Punching through the line of people and stepping over their heads (and earning an appreciative hoot from more then just one half-conscious male), Kaoru tried to think straight, although nothing that day had seemed particularly straight - namely, Tae and Megumi.

There had to be a place to go. There had to be somewhere deserted - somewhere that even an awe-struck city of people rampaging after her beauty would be careful to tread. Somewhere respectable; somewhere special - and there had to be someone there that could protect her. Someone who was too clear-headed to care about how she managed to look amazing even with her hair chopped off and her skin covered in mud. There had to be someone... somewhere...

Her foot came down hard on someone's face, and through their shout of pain was an admiring whistle of, "feisty one, aren't you?"

There was one man... but would she? Could she? Besides the fact that she was sort of afraid of him and all, how would she explain her situation to him? "Uh, I'm sorry, can I hide out with you here for a while... no, that small village invading Kyoto didn't come with me, I swear... I can make tea?" Could she really do it?

Could she face Shinomori Aoshi?

Behind her, something huge hit the ground, and Kaoru winced and turned to look over her shoulder, the dust clearing to reveal the people of Tokyo thrown into the tree branches and out of the crater that had formed there.

"So, you're not one for petty sweet-talk. I like that."

Kaoru paled considerably as Hiko stalked upwards, tossing his mantel to the ground.

"Strong, too. And you've been running all the way since Tokyo... just the type of woman I've been looking for."

The fact that her punch had only bruised his jaw and had not scrambled his brains was not nearly as frightening as they way he was stroking his sword and staring at her like she was some sort of prey.

"Nice shoulders, strong arms," he drawled, pacing towards her slowly, eyes flickering over her. "... a bit of a belly, but we'll be getting a lot of exercise..."

Her eye twitched.

"It's a pity about your hair, although it just makes you look all the more roguish... good legs."

Her fist clenched. Why did she feel like some sort of horse on for display?

"... and child-bearing hips, too."

Her last nerve twanged inside her head, the sound almost audible.

"... are... are you calling me...?"

Smirking, Hiko took one pace closer and reached to pull her into his arms.

"... are you calling me FAT?!?!"

If the first punch had bruised him, the second one probably dislocated his jaw, never mind sent his brain spinning inside his skull as he crashed into a tree, the trunk snapping over on him. Kaoru took a morbid sense of satisfaction in the fact that he wouldn't be able to smirk that devilish smirk of his for a good few months without scaring the Devil himself away.

The voices behind her cut through her imagination, the picture of Hiko with a split lip, black eye, and a huge under-bite vanishing.

"Ch', Jou-chan's not fat, she's just festively plump!"

"Kaoru-chan, I can make you very healthy and delicious diet foods every day of your life!"

"Ohohoho, there's no cure to a bit of extra weight as a doctor's magic touch!"

"I've heard cigarettes help keep you slim and young."

Then the sound of the blunt edge of a sword cutting air and hitting four bodies back into the waterfall; "sessha will not stand for this!"

Trust her rurouni to stick up for her, Kaoru thought happily, although a bit warily. Sliding the sakabatou back into its saya with an audible click as he stood with his back to her, his gi down around his waist from the waterfall, Kaoru forgot for a moment why she had ran all the way to Kyoto in the first place. He sighed heavily, the lithe muscles in his back shining with the water from his swim. When he shook his head a bit, water sprinkling off from his hair and flickering in the air around him, she decided that, yes, this was a dream after all, because he had never looked so sexy in real life - especially when he looked over his shoulder at her, molten eyes flickering between amber and violet, the smile on his lips more then just rurouni innocence.

"Kaoru will always be beautiful in sessha's eyes," he told her, and Kaoru thought she would melt on the spot if that wouldn't have meant getting even closer to the pile of villagers she was standing on.

"K-Kenshin..."

"... even if you keep practicing kenjutsu, and the rest of the world mistakes your muscle for fat, you will always be beautiful, Kaoru."

Kenshin finished the last of his sentence as he was sent flying in the air.

"Everyone's a critic," Kaoru growled, storming away - she had no choice.

She would have to go to Aoshi.

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Disclaimer: We own no part of Rurouni Kenshin or any other presences, other then Tenshi and Kirstian themselves, who will appear in this fic. If we did, Kenshin wouldn't be as clueless as he normally is, and he'd be called Tub-by. In any case, we have no money. We spent it all on Sesshoumaru's spandex Halloween getup. XD So don't sue. We'll sick Vash on you.