In this world without quiet corners, there can be no easy escapes from history, from hullabaloo, from terrible, unquiet fuss.
-Salman Rushdie

Okay, I guess if you really want my story I can give it to you, but it's probably not all that interesting. Maybe for some it will be, I don't know. I had to live it, so I kind of wish it was a little less exciting sometimes. Cause you know, there really is a line between what makes life fun and what makes it just too damn scary.

I was born right here in New Orleans, it was my parents, me, and a little brother. We got along okay, though my dad was always kind of withdrawn and didn't involve himself too much in our lives. It was like.. he'd be gone for days, sometimes weeks, at a stretch.. and then he'd come back for a few days then be gone again. When he was around, my mom and him got in an awful lot of fights and all that. I don't know why she never left him, she should've. Her life could've gotten a lot better and maybe she could've been happy. And then maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't have died the way she did.

I was 8 when that happened. I got woke up real early in the morning to loud voices. My mom sounded even kind of panicked, which is something I'd never heard from her. Even during her worst fights with my dad, she never had that tone in her voice. I jumped out of bed and went to the stairs. When I looked down from the top, I saw three people down there with her. Two were guys, one was a woman. They looked real mean and she looked scared, though she was trying not to, I think. I'd tell you more about all that, but it just comes in little patches in my head. I started to panic really bad and so it's not all real clear. There was blood, I know that. Lots of blood. And it wasn't just my mom's either. My little brother.. somehow he got there, too. I don't remember him being there to begin with, but I don't remember seeing him go down after, either. So I'm not sure how that happened. I just know that later I came out of my panic.. and they were dead. I didn't look real close at how it was done, I couldn't bring myself to do that. I don't know why I wasn't dead too, cause I didn't move from the spot I was in. And I would've thought that the killers would've seen me up there if they paid any attention at all to what was around 'em.

Wasn't long after I came out of it that the cops showed up. They took me out of there, found out where my aunt lived, and took me to her. She was real helpful, took me in and started to take good care of me. Was really nice and made sure I didn't have to deal with some of the stuff I might've had to otherwise. She kept me away from the TV and newspapers so I didn't have to hear about the stuff that happened to my mom and brother, and when the cops tried to talk to me, she was there and wouldn't let 'em push me too hard. I couldn't tell 'em much anyway, just give 'em a general idea of what those people looked like. They never caught 'em, so I didn't have to worry about going to trial. And about two months after that, my dad finally showed back up. I know he knew about what happened, cause I heard him talking to my aunt, who was telling him off. And he'd known early on. And never bothered to come see me. Made me feel real good that he cared so damn much. He only stayed a couple days and then left again, I saw him even less than usual after that. At least until I turned 13.

It was when I was 13 that my aunt died. She just suddenly got real sick, and two days later was dead. Didn't seem all that serious until the second day. I called an ambulance and they took her to the hospital, but she didn't last long. I was real sad, she was great to me. Treated me like her own kid. Hell, she taught me to drive when I was 12 and had no problem letting me drive the car when I shouldn't have been doing that cause I was too young. But she didn't care cause she saw how much I loved driving. So she didn't see why I shouldn't be able to do it. Never got caught, either. Even though when I drive.. I like to drive fast. I like speed in general, which is why I got the nickname Speed Demon. Was always into track and field at school, won a few competitions even. Anyway, the authorities were gonna take me to find a foster home since I didn't have no one else, but suddenly my dad was there and took me. I guess I feel kind of suspicious about the fact that he was just there when I hadn't seen him in forever, but I suppose it could be coincidence.

That's when I found out about my heritage. My dad took me to the Dusk Bringers. They're Shadow Lords, a tribe of garou. My dad told me all about how he was one of them and so was I. I'd gotten the gene, he'd known about it for years. It was real weird finding out about all that, real weird meeting all those strange people. But that's where I was told my place was. And it wasn't long after that that I went through the change. It was a really weird feeling, I'll say that. Kind of cool, but scary too. At least I was ready for the idea and it didn't sneak up on me like it does so many others. I went through my Rite of Passage after awhile and became a Shadow Lord. At least I did for a little while.

It was just three months after this that word came through that my dad was dead. He'd been killed by something when traveling in the Umbra. He'd fought well, they said, but it wasn't good enough. They never gave me much detail, just had a ceremony and said a death prayer for him. I guess part of me misses him, but most of me says it's not that big a deal cause he obviously didn't care much about me. Except as an heir. So I stayed with the Shadow Lords and all, at least until not long ago. Then it came down to me running away or dying. So I figured I'd rather run away, even though I might not last long with them after me.

See, we were out, a few of us, in the Umbra. They were teaching us younger ones about how to travel, where to go, the different parts, all that. It's a weird place and hard to get used to. And even harder when things attack. And they did. A lot of things. And that's when I did what made the Shadow Lords mad and want me dead. I panicked, just like I did that night my mom and brother died. I panic sometimes when I get stressed, have since that night. How strong I do it depends on what stresses me and I can't control it. And I couldn't that day. So I didn't fight. I'd been practicing fighting a lot, they said I have a real talent for the klaive. The weapon feels right in my hand and I guess I just have a knack for it. I'm Ahroun, so it makes some sense. But all that practice didn't do me any good when I panicked. Again, I can't remember a whole lot of what went on, just patches. But I remember after, when they all looked at me and I knew I was in trouble. A lot of trouble. Nobody'd died, so maybe that's why they didn't kill me right then and there. They took me back and were going to have a kind of trial for me. But I decided I couldn't stick around for it, I knew I'd be killed if I did. And I didn't wanna die. So I snuck out. They can't have been expecting that, or I never would've been able to do it. They're Shadow Lords and so sneaking is their thing. It wasn't one that I'd gotten as good at, so the only way I could've gotten out like that was cause they didn't expect me to leave so didn't watch. I figured I'd be hunted down, but it was better than just sitting around waiting for it. Didn't figure I'd last long at all. I just took off and was going to leave New Orleans and go as far as I could. But then.. I ran into the Dream Seekers. Crystal, to be exact. The leader, even. I was exhausted and still had blood on me from that fight, cause I didn't think to change. She helped me and took me to where the others were. I collapsed and slept for a long time. And when I came to, I told 'em everything. And wow.. they invited me to stay, even with Shadow Lords after me.

Well, not much else to the story. I went through the Rite of Passage to become a Child of Gaia, so I'm no longer a Shadow Lord. It's a weird change, and hard to get used to. I've always had a short temper and now I'm with people who prefer peace over conflict. Not easy to change so drastically, but I owe these people and I do want to help with the fight that's going on between Gaia and Wyrm. Hopefully I won't mess up and have to leave the Dream Seekers too, I worry about that a lot. I'll do my best and hopefully not panic when things get tough again. But I know the Dream Seekers won't hold that against me cause it's not really my fault I've got the problem. Maybe I'll even grow out of it. But whatever happens, I want to stay and I only hope the Shadow Lords don't take all this out on my new family. Cause I'd never forgive myself.

We have resolved to endure the unendurable and suffer what is insufferable.
-Hirohito

Cowardice, as distinguished from panic, is almost always simply a lack of ability to suspend the functioning of the imagination.
-Ernest Hemingway