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Love Hurts
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Spike wanted to cry, he felt that if only he could let go, the tears would wash away the pain. But they wouldn't come. Instead, they pooled within him and proceeded to drown him from inside.

He wanted to be able to paddle and fight, but how could he do that when the tears were within? Spike dug his hands in his chest and sides, hoping that if he could just reach in and he'd be able to keep his head above.

Granted, vampires couldn't drown, but no one said it would be pleasant to feel like drowning.

"That's it, dig in." The voice whispered.

"It's not working!" He continued to pound his chest and bruises began to form. Soon, his marble-like chest was becoming the paper for a child's hand-printing game. Palm-shaped bruises covered his torso within few minutes.

"Try harder."

"I am!"

"Not hard enough." The voice shifted to Buffy. "Never hard enough."

"Shut up!" He stopped the beating and curled into a ball.

"Tsk. Tsk. Bad Spike. Play nice and make it hurt. You always liked it when I hurt you." Dru appeared. "Always liked it. Just like Miss Edith likes having her hair curled." Her eyes glazed as she drifted to memories. "The iron was too hot once and burnt her hair. Do you remember, my sweet Spike? The hot iron? The pretty sounds it made?"

"Of course he does." Angelus' voice gripped Spike like an invisible rope around his throat, cutting off the sobs emerging. "Isn't that right, boy?"

"He always did make a nice punching bag." Buffy was back and Spike wondered briefly why she was carrying on a friendly conversation with Angelus before Dru spoke up again.

"Oh yes!" She squealed with delight. "He moans just like the flowers when I crush them. Pretty daisies bled red. I like to stomp on them. Do a happy dance. My Spike should be stomped."

"Aye, my dear Dru. He's not worthy of anything else."

"Can't even write a decent piece of poetry. Effulgence." Cecily's taunting giggles sounded like a waterfall to Spike and made it harder for him to breathe. Or perhaps the waterfall was real and it was adding to the flooding tears inside.

"Stomp. Stomp."

Dru's insane giggles rang loudly in Spike's ears and he reached up instinctively to block them out. He couldn't prevent the words from flowing in.

"You're beneath me." Their voices blended into one. Cecily's proper old English, Angelus' Irish brogue, Dru's child-like murmur and Buffy's arrogant whisper all became one.

"You're beneath me."

The words echoed in the room and in Spike's mind. "Why are you doing this?"

"Why?" He dropped his hands when no answers came. Risking a glance up, Spike only saw the figure of his mother standing before him.

"My sweet William, they all hurt you." She cooed in the comforting tone that had always made William relax, but it only seemed to tense him up more. "They all hurt you so badly. But I won't. I'll never hurt you."

"Promise?"

"Promise, William. I love you and I'm the only one who'll never hurt you."

"But they say you always hurt the ones you love," Spike looked up, his eyes filled with an almost maniac gleam. "Does that mean they loved me?"

The First faded away and his question hung in the air.

"Does that mean they loved me?" He repeated his question softly then curled up in a corner and closed his eyes.

~ END ~