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What My Heart Says
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Clark considered keeping his eyes closed for the rest of his life. He wasn’t sure how much of this he could take before the rage took over him and he’d lose control of his heat vision.

“Anger is another weakness that your enemies can attack.?Lex once told him.

But Clark couldn’t help getting mad.

He was so sick and tired of listening to Pete rant about Luthor immorality and the ancient history of Lionel screwing the Rosses out of business. Clark tried reasoning with him, but Pete magically became deaf whenever Clark mentioned that Lex wasn’t his father.

Lana wasn’t any better. It had gotten to the point that Clark avoided going to the Talon unless it was absolutely necessary. She never said a word against Lex, which Clark appreciated, but she continued to ask him day after day if he was sure that he made the right choice. Apparently, the magical deafness was contagious, because Lana never seemed to hear Clark’s response ?“yes.?

But Chloe had to be the worst. She dug up Lex’s past and presented it Clark with an expectant look in her eyes. If she were expecting him to read the files and leave Lex, she was bound to be disappointed. At least she didn’t spontaneously lose her hearing; she knew what Clark was going to say before he started - probably because she had heard the same reply for millions of times: “I don’t care about Lex’s past.?He just couldn’t seem to get through to her. Everything went in one ear and out the other

Jonathan was less than subtle about his opinion of Lex and Lex's new status as Clark's boyfriend. He voiced his disapproval in an endless barrage of platitudes whenever he and his son worked side by side on the farm. Clark learned to tune Jonathan out after the first week. He knew it wasn’t polite, but it was necessary. He didn't know how many long-winded lectures about how the apple didn't fall far from the tree he could stand before losing control of his heat vision. He really didn’t think a melted tractor would help the farm.

What Clark really couldn’t stand was the look in Martha’s eyes. Clark knew that she tried to be supportive, but he could tell that she really wished for her son to change his mind. She wanted to be surrounded with grandchildren and have a daughter-in-law to talk or bake cookies with. She tried to hook him up with Lana. Clark hoped it was a subconscious thing; he didn’t know how to deal with it otherwise.

Clark might not have shown it, but he was angry about his loved ones' one-sided opinion about Lex. How could they judge Lex negatively without knowing him?

They couldn’t see Lex through Clark’s eyes.

Lex was the patient friend who proofread Clark’s history essays without complaints.

Lex was the wise advisor who listened to Clark without interruption and offered advices.

Lex was the brave lover who held on to Clark’s hand even when the crowd began to talk.

Maybe people were just afraid to see, afraid to realize that they were wrong.

Pete envied Lex, though he’d never say it. Clark had heard more than one tirade about how unfair life was and how Lex had everything.

Lana was grateful for Lex’s help with reserving the old movie theater and allowing her to run the Talon; he gave her the trust and freedom she longed for but never received from Nell.

Chloe identified herself with Lex on certain things. Both didn’t fit into Smallville at first and both knew about life in the city. Lex respected her thirst for the truth, since he craved it himself.

Clark hated the fact that they couldn’t admit that Lex did have good qualities and let go of the ‘Luthor?name tag.

His parents were another story. Clark thanked them from the bottom of his alien heart for their generosity of raising him; this gratefulness was what kept him from calling them hypocrites.

They had taught him not to judge anyone because no one was perfect, yet they had no problems doing it themselves. Jonathan was the worst. Whenever he looked at Lex, he only saw the giant neon sign over the billionaire’s head that screamed “Luthor?and never the man himself.

Martha was better, but Clark knew that Lex read the disappointment in her eyes. It wasn’t Lex’s fault that Clark fell in love with him. If anyone should be blamed, it should be Clark, not Lex. No one saw it that way.

Sometimes, Clark wanted to put Lex on stage and announce all the wonderful qualities Lex possessed. But most of the time, Clark wanted to keep Lex all to himself. All the lessons he learned about sharing could go to hell.

Why not let his parents and friends think that Clark was a fool for loving Lex Luthor? Clark was no longer angry with them. Instead, he pitied them.

They would never understand. They would never experience the change in the air whenever Lex entered a room. The air somehow got sweeter and denser, as if weighed down by something. Clark knew what it was ?love. He was surrounded by love every moment he spent with Lex, even when they were fighting. Underneath all the anger and frustration, the love remained.

They could go on with what they were doing, but it wouldn’t have any effect on him other than to inspire pity.

All they were doing was wasting their time; their words couldn’t change how Clark felt. Clark Kent was in love with Lex Luthor and nothing could change that.

~ END ~