Jimrock "A San Diego Fool Still Talking Shit"

How much i hate z90 lately...



Z90 sucks. I used to be the biggest rap fan but I cannot listen to the new 2004 stuff. I hope 2005 has no more lil john...It is just too black. I cannot take it. There is this 93.5 hits from today and back in the day. That radio station is sick. Inland Empire has alot of dope stations. I hang out in San Marcos and Rancho Bernardo alot so I can only get inland empire stations on my radio.and Jsmooth is sounding more and more like a wigger. or how about a migger. That station fell off big time. The whole city is acting stupid, people should be ashamed of themselves.They are just A bunch of followers . I cannot beleive all of these people are my peers. A bunch of losers. They are completely lost. I see the blind leading the blind. z90 sucks and My ears hurt when I turn it on. I rather listen to my badboyjoe freestyle mix 1 , 2 or 3 mix cd or maybe some freestyle old school...

Thinking back about her.....and looking ahead



This whole experience over the past few years. I guess that crush with christine lasted a bit long. for my choice in girls,I mean It is all in the genes for me. I already know what I am looking for. I have been around enough to know what I like. Natural Selection is one of the funniest things in the natural world. Humans are genetically drawn to reproduce but in choosing the mate that is where natural selection and survival of the fittest really kicks in. Even as I get sicker and my health gets worse I still feel the same about my own future. It is funny because when I was writing huge web pages and big time blogs 3 years ago people were blown away and said my work was a little to much. They said I was a burn giving out too much information, even putting people in danger. But it seems I can;t get underground enough for anyone, everything is public now, even my own personal life. I can't go out with anyone without someone talking about it... I have spent way too many years passing out flyers and promoting some party, club or spot. Even when I was too high up as a promoter to hit the malls and pass out flyers, I mean I had runners for that. I still loved to be out there. I always liked the one on one chats with people.. I liked to be on the front lines. Front line soldier On the south bay San Diego Streets. I was a head hunter for all the guys out there. I was known to run out of my car in the middle of east h street to get a flyer to some girl. I have seen it all...

I'm listening to iesha by abc. The song is usually called "at the playground" . I like this song. It reminds me of all the feelings I have, like for christine. It is not like I'm obsessed over her, it is just I need to think about someone. I just do not get out much lately, paparatzzi and obsessed fans has forced me into a private life. I go out but it is usually in some sort of identity theft mode, I am virtually someone else. I have like 3 or 4 people I can turn into. I dress walk and even talk in a different way, people pass me off like the general public. It is sort of a reverse manipulation where I am re-direction attention away from me.

But back to the more important issue at hand. I spend alot of time by myself, and I do alot of thinking. I think about not being alone, I think about my future, I think about the next step. I have been wanting to get married and have a baby for along time. The thing is in San Diego there is not a good selection for me. I mean There are pretty girls, just none that strike me as someone worth even chatting with even for a second. There could be one or two but it would take years to erase what they already know and then re-program them. After Tina I felt that I could not even touch anyone else. I felt nothing for anyone. Untill I saw christine. There she was working at plaza Bonita. I make a living reading people but I could not read her at first. The first few times i saw her I never thought twice I was soo busy promoting baby rock and tangaloo and karma that twice a month I would go through 15,000 flyers easy. Jimmy aguilar always had a trunk full of product to get rid of. Then the games begun. You know me, I use everyone and everything as my own personal runner. I can crack and break any social scene within a few weeks. And Plaza Bonita Gossip Circles have been old news to me. Every few years the people change , the stores change, even the floor. But the gossip stays the same. It is like a constant of the universe. People will always talk and if someone new comes around like me, well lets say I let peoples minds expand. I would drop Thousands at spots in small bills. Pre paid cell phones were my vice, I mean how could I get ahold of my connect if he didn;t have a backup celly. Anyways I would tell workers all around the mall How fine I thought this girl was. The trap was set. one of the great things about knowing people is that you know exactly who is on your side and who is not. I like the people who would go to her and tell her all the bad things I do. Why I'm such a bad guy. Girls are so much smarter than That.

I really wanted her to make her own decision about me. The thing about Tina that really amazed me was how strong she was, she was her own woman. I met her as a girl and I watched her grow up in front of me. The thing about Tina is when we first started talking everyone was telling her to stay away from me. At hilltop parties jill and all her friends would tell her that I was bad news, but she didn't listen to anyone, she did what she wanted to do. She knew I was not that kind of person, at least I hope she did. There are other issues there how she wanted fame but do I really want another slander lawsuit, not in this phisical finacial quarter. I see the same qualities in Christine. I see a strong girl turning into a strong woman, I see a certian calmness about her. I see a certian intelect about her, she stays calm and cool while calculating all the same things I think about. She is actually a girl I would consider to be equal to me, and I think she is soo fucking fine. But doesn;t everyone know that already. I have my own taste, you know..........................

She never called me... I took it pretty hard

But she never called me. She never e-mailed me. I tried to talk to her. I think I could a hello out sputtering it out like some bafoon. I did all I could to woo her, even though my tacticts were out of the ordinary. I have been dealing with this for a while now. And one of the things that I try to turn to is that .. Well I tried my best. I tried my absolute best to make her like me. I tried my best to talk to her. I just have too many issues and too much emotion inside of me that getting close to her just makes me weak. I would make it to the store then inside I would lock up, I mean I would be like kryptonite to Superman, Powerless..

I gave it my best shot, but one of the sad things is I'm getting tired lately, as time goes on I get weaker. Sometimes I think if I was better looking or had money do you think she would of even talked to me? One of the reasons I never talked to herwas because I was scared of her; because I knew I wasn't good enough for her. I look in the mirror and get sad. I wonder if I was thinner maybe she would like me. I walk through macy's and see all these Men's clothes and I just get depressed again. I have no fashion sence whatso-eva . Maybe I do see something I like,maybe it is a sweater, but I just cannot afford it. I go directly to the clearance rack and look for the deals.If it is 60% off and up, I'm in.. If it is 80% off then we are talking my language... I saved more than 3 months for this computer and it is taking 8 hours to download photoshop 7 on kazaa.. And they say I'm the king of kazaa. I sure spend enough time up on that motha. I want to go see her at Plaza Bonita but I cannot afford anything in that damm store. Revolution is Expensive for Men's clothes. and besides, I'm still a boy maybe I do not belong there.The owner always gives me some mean look like I'm gonna steal something. Well I have been trying to steal something so I guess he is justified. The clothes kind of seem for black people. I'm not black. What do I do? Buy something then throw it away. Or be like everyone else and copy what people are doing 3000 miles away.

I just want her to be happy, If she ever wants to just talk to me i'm just a call or an email away. I just wish things were different. I just keep on looking. But girls who I like are hard to find. Wal-Mart has been a good friend to me and ever since tagless hanes and tagless froot of the loom I'm in heaven. I look to the time when I lived. I think to myself, what would the og Jimrock do. Not the battle scorned emotionally distrought beaten Jimrock of late. I am just a shell of what I once was. And it is everyone elses fualt, because they cannot let me live, because they cannot just leave me alone. WHy do they hate me, because they don't get me.

This has been bothering me for along time now. It goes way boyond christine, It is bigger than that. It is about me and everyone who surrounds me, it is about the whole city and the affect i have on everyone else. All these years I have been helping others no-matter where I was, but by the masses. I have seen huge social changes and actually have made social engineering differences within sub-culteres in sd. I have broken down social barriers and norms. When there was no more scenes to hang out in I created my own. I have never known a loser like me to have soo many got damm fans. because when it comes down to it, I'm just like you, I like to have fun and chill like everyone else. I just do it on a bigger scale, I travel so much around San Diego hopping scenes and working with people everywhere that I still find new and interesting things to do. It is weird. SD is like my own little playground.. I miss plaza Bonita. I miss chula... I miss Hiltop. i want to have sex someday. I guess I could just bone one of my fans for fun. I have soo many girl fans. They love my videos. I could arrange a behind the scenes tour of the studio? I just do not like messing around with my fans. It is weird. They expect me to be someone else, Jimrock. But I'm a pretty reserve person. I like to drink in empty parking lots in the middle of the night chatting business with someone. I still have never been to a night club before, that fact is one people have trouble beleiving..

...............Yha I have this roomate. He is a total looser. I used to Live in a big house with 5 rooms but I was all Alone. I Didn;t like it. I really never like anywhere that I live. I think I will buy a house in Eastlake but who cares. Anyways This roomate is some mexican guy in the navy. He grew up in a poor family in mexico like most people in Diego. He has been in the Navy for about 6 years and he owns a house and a car blla bla bla. Anyways He Tries to talk smak and I just laugh. It's funny how people try to pretend that they have class. Reminds me of that club promoter wanna-be aguilar. See You are born with class. You are born with certian qualities and traits. You do not have to be rich to have a mind of a king. I mean I'm rich and I have class but these people are trying to hard to fake the funk. I'm still down to clean the bathroom or piss in the street or eat food I drop on the floor or tons of stuff. People change when they get money. See I have had money all my life so I am just myself.





.....................Yha I mean I hate everyone i know. And I know alot of people. But I hate everyone at different levels. Like levels of tolerance. I try not to act like I am better than anyone but nomatter how much I try to hide the fact that I excel at almost everything compared to these small minded peasants who live in the south bay of san diego. But I never like making people feel bad. Like there is this guy he knows more about shoes and matching clothes and hip hop music more than me. Everyone has their special talents. For example. Joey zapata is this guy I knew at Hilltop. He is a journeyman electrician. He can wire a whole house with wires and I can bearly screw in a light bulb. So maybe we are all equal? But the reason why My face and actions make people feel inferior is because I am a pro at interpersonal communication. I mastered the art of body language and speech development and Mind games. I manipulate people with ease. I try to hold it back but Nomatter what I do peoples heads get hurt. I am making some new friends who are at my level of advanced theories in hman evolution but it's hard to find that. Especially in a girl.



.............I almost Started to cry because I am watching 90210 the reunion episode on fox channel 6.Something is wrong with shannon brenda's mouth. leialani is the import model I used to talk to.. Or was her name lia. anyways.. Hey I remember that girls name that works at revolutions at plaza bonita westfield shopping town. Her name was christine. So Christine if you ever read this. Yha you hurt my feelings by getting me kicked out of the store. You Could of told me you didn;t like me or that you love your boyfriend.
I said "If you have a boyfriend and you love him that is cool because I know how it is and I would never try to take that away from you". I didn't go back to the mall for weeks and weeks. I even cried when I got home that night. It was hard for me to drive kitt home after i walked out of revolutions. It's in National City. I know why it was soo hard on me. Because When I saw her for the first time I was stunned. I was like ... damm. I wasn't stunned like mann I want to fuk her. I was thinking.. I wan't to get to know her, I want to talk to her.I can see her face right now. I can only recall a few girls faces in my mind. There is only like 4-6 types of faces I go for. and Devina is still smoking bomb in shell town. Just kidding.

Yha I Still see that girl working sometimes and yha I still think she is fine but I guess I have to just live my life....It is sad to move on. I seem to Move on all the time. Going to different cities around the world. Leaving people making new friends. But It is not the same. It Sucks. I think that is why I would film and take pictures all the time because I know that I like to preserve my memories long after everyone is not around. Everyone I know is married with two kids. I am still trying to get a girl to go on a date with me. I know the scene in San Diego is dead but I ask..."Where is everyone at?" Population maps say there are 500,000 plus people in the south bay San Diego alone. I never see more than 200 young people in one saturday and I have to drive to 5 shopping centers and one mall. I think it is all these damm churches. Corrupting young peoples minds into being good and this and that. Yha right. All those fools who go to crusade church by e street behind the freeway are in the closet tweekers. I hate that. Faking the funk. Hey I remember why I was soo sad about that girl kristine or christine at the mall. At That time I really wanted a baby. I was really depressed. It was x mas 2002 - march 2003 . Yha I was all alone and It was really cold during that time. I was living in Paradise hills off westbrook and It was a cold dark time.... I had no Mom or dad and I just wanted to be with someone... I just wanted to hold someone in my arms and share my life no-matter how horrible it was because I knew if I had a girl like that I would be happy to live the rest of my life as a servant to her.