How Computers Took Over The World
by Soledad Cartwright
Author's note: I wrote this story solely because of the insanely silly names that popped up in my mind. Also, I wanted to show the male chauvinists that looks aren't the only thing that's important in a woman. And no, I don't actually hate men. My best friends are actually male. This little jab is directed against a certain kind of male thinking, which harms men just as much as it harms women.
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Miss Dully Lemon was Deputy Chairman of Computech Enterprises. Despite her silly name, she wasn't a sour or angry person; nor was she dull. The name was given her; partly inherited, partly through a bad joke. She actually has been named Dolly - the wrong spelling came because of a computer failure, and the file clerk obviously thought it would be funny to punish a little girl with such a name.
Of course, when a girl has such a name, she is strongly motivated to prove, how false this name is. It is understandabe, that Miss Lemon grew to the best student at the primary school. She was a genius anyway, so at the age of 12 she already rolled in to university. She graduated at the age of 18. When she was twenty, she got a very good job at Computech. Six month later she found and systematically destroyed the man who gave her that silly name. And at the age of 24 she became Deputy Chairman.
Unfortunately, on that level she arrived at the highest job,a civilian could have at Computech. The owner oft the Ltd was the Army, so only a high-ranking officer could be allowed to become Chairman, and only this officer was entitled to make important decisions. In this case the officer was Colonel Horsecunt. What is even more unfortunate, Colonel Horsecunt was an idiot: a narrow-minded male chauvinist, who only was given the seat of the Chairman of Computech because while he was at business meetings, he couldn't lose one of the sixty-four small wars, the United States just fought on different parts of Earth.
Miss Lemon, on the other hand, was one of the founders of the movement Womens' Liberation - The Second Phase. And, as a result of a car accident, she had some highly sophisticated brain implants - basically some advanced computer-chips - inside her head. Someone with her genius really didn't need long to realize, how much advantage she through these implants owned. So, after she'd got used to the little gizmo, she started to provide her fellow feminists with similar devices. No one of these chips was nearly as sophisticated as her own ones, of course. At least, her life depended on them, while the others' didn't. Besides, she preferred to keep control in her own pretty hands.
Since her hands were the only things which were really pretty on her, she knew, it would be foolish to wait for a man falling in undying love with her. So, pragmatic, as she was, she selected a matching husband for herself: a six feet 3'', trim black actor, who hadn't the slightest idea about computers, but looked like an African king and was phenomenal in bed. Miss Lemon didn't take his name and told him in no uncertain terms, tha he wouldn't get a penny in case of a divorce. Beyond that, he was quite free, as long as he fulfilled his duty as a husband.
At the same time, her fellow fighters of Womens' Liberation were getrting important jobs inside the Army. Since they were capable of directly interfacing with the computers, it wasn't difficult for them, to get ritd of Admiral Horsecunt, by involving him into different, artificially engineered scandals. And General Bullshit, the next Charmain of Comutech, was just a pawn. His decisions were carefully generated by Miss Lemon and suggested by his secretary (and more), Big Tits. (Well, her name was actually Ann Smiths, but all people agreed, that the nickname fitted her much better.)
Big Tits, blonde and blue-eyed as she was, looked as the stereotypical stupid, bed-warming secretary of an important man. She wore skin-tight, unltrashort miniskirts and transparent blouses with black underwear, so that all male leaders became incapable of thinking as soon as she entered the room. No one of them was aware of the fact, that she had an IQ of 185, three degrees in economy, electronics and finances - and an implant in her nice little skull; a chip, nearly as sophisticated as Miss Lemon's. Then she was Miss Lemon's right hand - and secret weapon against male enemies.
In only four more years Computech spread it influence all over the world. In all important positions sat the people of Miss Lemon's. Computech assimilated all the similar enterprises in all technological developed countries an simply took over the underdeveloped ones. At last, with the help of Computech-technology, the wars ended on Earth. Even the Arabian states were forced to cease hostilities and go along with they neighbours. The world was united by computer-chips, implanted into female skulls. These chips were, of course, individually designed. Only their host was able to access them; another try would have destroyed them.
Besides, no one actually knew, who had such a chip and who hadn't. Not even Miss Lemon anymore. She retired at the age of 30 anyway. Her female employees ruled the world for her and males were handled as pets - as long as they behaved. Life might not have been so interesting as it used to be before, but at least it was safe. Ant the people on Earth agreed with Miss Lemon, that it was better that way.
The End