| Alf Quotes |
| Kate: I'm tired of you breaking things. If this happens one more time, you will be living in the garage. ALF: From now on, I'll treat this house as if it were my own. Kate: Treat it as if it were my house! And don't break anything! Right now I could walk to that refrigerator over there, you know, take out a couple of slices of white bread, a little maio, and slap together a B-L-T. That's bacon, Lucky and tomato. We're going bowling and i dont have my cantaloupe! ALF: Oh, by the way, don't bother looking for your laxative on a rope. Willie: Oh, you mean my soap on a rope? ALF: Trust me on this one... ALF: Alright. Let me see if I've got this reindeer thing straight. There's...ah...there's Dasher, Dancer, Comet, Cupid,...Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John! Lynn: No, it's Prancer, Dancer, Vixen, Blitzen... ALF: Huey, Duey, and Luey!!! Brian: No, those are ducks! ALF: Then how do they pull the sleigh? Willie: This is a jigsaw puzzle. ALF: It's broken! Willie: That's the object ALF. You're supposed to put it together. ALF: Why? I didn't break it! ALF: It's the day before Christmas. I've hidden all the eggs! Willie: ALF, we hide eggs at Easter, not at Christmas. ALF: Oh, that's right. Christmas is when we carve the pumpkin!!! ALF has a sock on his hand and he is talking to it because he thinks he has no friends. ALF: Well, what do you want to do Mr. Ginzberg? Play serchades? Watch a movie? Go to a sock hop!? HA! HA! HA! ALF: I don't want to be an orphan! I saw "Annie!" Orphans have to eat gruel and tap dance with mops! ALF: I hate musicals. Out of the blue people burst into song! Willie: Hence the term "musical." ALF: Yeah, but wouldn't it get on your nerves if all of a sudden I started singing: "Hey, Kate, ain't it great? Hey, Willie, you look silly! Hey-" Willie: It's getting on my nerves! ALF (Singing): I'm under your window with my guitar Singing you this small ditty Please don't be mad at me anymore Have I mentioned I think you're pretty? Ay yi yi yi, I'm really sorry! (Lynn, unimpressed, throws a blanket out the window, where it lands on ALF) ALF (singing): Somebody just threw a blanket on me. That's why I'm suffocating! Willie: There's more than one way to skin a cat. ALF: You've been looking at my recipe book. Willie: I suppose we just sit her down, and ask her if she's ever seen E.T.? ALF: Why do you keep comparing me to E.T.?! You know, Willie, someday, when people ask me what you're like, I'll ask ask them "Did you ever see The Nutty Professor?" Willie: You got me in a panic to tell me the TV's broken?! ALF: Sorry, but I began to panic when I missed "Gumby." Kate: ALF, you can use the portable TV in the bedroom. ALF: But it's too small! It makes everyone look like John Candy! Willie: You can't vote ALF, you're not a citizen. ALF: I'll apply for a green card. Willie: That's only if you want a job. ALF: Pass... I know, I'll marry Lynn. Become a citizen. Vote, then drop her of like a hot potato. Willie: ALF... ALF: Sure it will be hard on her first. She'll cry, drink a little too much. Joins with a bongoplayer named Waquine. Willie: ALF! ALF: You'd like Waquine, he doesn't like beets. Willie: Neither you or Waquine may marry my daughter, and you may not vote! ALF: Fine! I have not voice in government, Waquine will get deported and they'll make him eat beets!! Willie: How many cups of coffee have you had? ALF: Fourty, why? |
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