This is a warning for women planning to marry computer engineers in the form of a conversation between a husband (computer engineer) and his wife.Look before you leap!!!
SCENE: A wife is waiting for her husband who is a software engineer. After some time,the husband arrives.
HUSBAND: (Opening the door and entering in) Hi dear! i am LOGGED IN.
WIFE: Thanks god that you have arrived. Have u brought the saree?
HUSBAND: BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME.
WIFE: But i told you about it in the morning.
HUSBAND: ERRONEOUS SYNTAX. ABORT,RETRY,CANCEL.
WIFE: O my God.... Ok forget it. Tell me where's your salary?
HUSBAND: FILE IN USE,READ ONLY,TRY AFTER SOME TIME.
WIFE: At least give me your credit card. So that i can do some shopping.
HUSBAND: SHARING VIOLATION. ACCESS DENIED.
WIFE: I made a mistake in marrying you.
HUSBAND: DATA TYPE MISMATCH.
WIFE: You are useless.
HUSBAND: BY DEFAULT.
WIFE: Who was there in the car with you this morning?
HUSBAND: SYSTEM UNSTABLE. PRESS ANY KEY TO REBOOT.
WIFE: Ok. leave it. Would you like to have some snacks?
HUSBAND: HARD DISK FULL.
WIFE: What is the relation between you and your receptionist?
HUSBAND: THE ONLY USER WITH RIGHT PERMISSION.
WIFE: What is my value in your life?
HUSBAND: UNKNOWN VIRUS DETECTED!!!
WIFE: Do you love me or your computer?
HUSBAND: TOO MANY PARAMETERS.
WIFE: I will go to my dads house!!
HUSBAND: PROGRAMME PERFORMED ILLEGAL OPERATION. IT WILL CLOSE.
WIFE: I will leave you for ever!!!
HUSBAND: CLOSE ALL PROGRAMMES AND LOG IN FOR ANOTHER USER.
WIFE: It is worthless talking to you husband.....I am going.
HUSBAND: ITS NOW SAFE TO TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER.
See how Sardarjee's mom shows her love for her son....!
Pyare puttar,
Vahe guru, I am writing this letter slow, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the papers that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles away.
I won't be able to send the new address as the last sardar who stayed here took the house number with them for their new house so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I am not sure if it work's well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain & haven't seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week.
The first it rained for 3 days & second time for 4 days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off & put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery.
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an aunt or an uncle.
Your uncle Jitender fell in the near by well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely & drowned.
We cremated him & he burned for three days.
Your best friend Balwinder is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died. Your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love,
MOM,
Ps: I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
JOKES
NEWTON genius......isn't he!!?
Once all the scientists die and go to heaven............
They decide to play hide-n-seek.........
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den...........
He is supposed to count upto 100...and then start searching.....
Everyone starts hiding except Newton.........
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front
of Einstein...........
Einsteins counting......97,98,99.....100........
He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front........
Einstein says "newtons out..newtons....out....."
Newton denies and says i am not out........
He claims tht he is not Newton......
All the scientists come out and he proves that he is not
newton..........
how.............
His proof:
Newton says:
I am standing in a square of area 1m square.....
That means i am Newton per meter square......
Hence i am Pascal....since newton per meter square = Pascal :-)))
INTELLIGENT CHINESE
A Chinese man went into a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the
counter, he was amazed to see that he was sitting next to the famous
Hollywood director, Steven Spielberg. After a round of beer the Chinese
sensed that the famous producer was glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash
the Chinese crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious punch from
the Director. Picking himself up, he yelled, "What the hell was that
for?" The director ranted: "That's for the bombing of Pearl Harbour, you
#$%^&$!
My dad perished in that bombing!" "I am not Japanese, you stupid
**~#@#!?*! I am Chinese!" "Yeah yeah yeah... Japanese, Burmese, Chinese,
you are all the same", retorted Spielberg.
Regaining his composure, the Chinese took his seat and ordered a double
from the bartender. A few seconds later, the Chinese turned around and
delivered a mighty punch to the director, sending him flat onto the
floor. "What was that for?" exclaimed the director. "That's for sinking
the Titanic! I had ancestors on that ship!" the Chinese replied. "You
ignorant chink! The Titanic was sunk by an iceberg!" shouted the
director. "Yeah yeah yeah... Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg, you are all
the same!"
A Guy Sent This To A Gal
Dear My Sapno Ki Rani,
KYA KEHNA the first time I saw you, I asked my self HUM APKE HAI KAUN,
feeling that KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI so I decided to forward you a PUKAR from DIL SE.
I thought that by the way HUM TO MOHABBAT KAREGA…so with my DIL TO PAGAL HAI,
I dream to be your HERO No.1 and I’ll make you my BIWI No.1. You might think that I am fooling you
as BADAL but remember JHOOT BOLE KAWA KATE. Please JANAM SAMJA KARO
that PYAAR KOHI KHEL NAHIN and I admit that DIL DE CHUKE SANAM.
I trust AAP MERE HAI SANAM. I believe that HUM APKE DIL MEIN REHTE HAIN for HAMESHA. Remember JAB PYAR KISSI SE HOTA HAI why not AA ABH LAUT CHALEIN
and you can come SAAJAN KI BAHON MEI. There is SIRF TUM in my life. If you say YES BOSS,
then I will become your JORU KA GULAM. Don’t worry be happy, DHOLI SAJA KE RAKHNA
because DILWALE DULHANIYA LE JAYENGE.
KAHO NA PYAR HAI, MERE SANAM.
Yours Sincerely,
DEEWANA MASTANA.
Here is the REPLY of the letter…
Dear Deewana Mastana,
Thank you for your love letter. However I feel HADH KUR DI AAPNE for HUM APKE HAI KAUN?
DIL CHAHTA HAI, I should tell you I think you’re a JAANWAR and a SHREE 420! I have to tell you
I know your MOHABBATEIN are false. How dare you look at me you COOLIE No. 1!
if you were here in front of me I’d hit you with my chapple so hard your head will spin with these YAADEIN.
You said KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI every time you think of me but I know you feel HASEENA MAAN JAYEGEE to every girl you see. RAM JAANE what I’ll do to you if I catch you.
If you have any KHAUF you will feel DARR from me. You’re a KUNWARA leading a RANGEELA lifestyle, with friends saying CHAL MERE BHAI spending all your nights on the SARAK .
I am sure the SHOLAY in your heart you say burn for me is nothing but indigestion from too much eating
and drinking. Describing yourself as BAADSHAH and HIMMUTVAAR, you sound like JUNGLI to me.
You say you want to make me your BIWI No. 1 however I say you lack INSANIYAAT!
I cant believe you think I’ll turn to you and say KAHO NA PYAR HAI! I’d much rather kiss a BICHOO
than go near you! Any of AMER AKBAR ANTHONY would be better suited to me than you.
DILWALE DULHANIYA LE JAYENGE you said but I say your DIL TO PAGAL HAI.
Don’t you realize that ANDAZ APNA APNA and that their cant be no EK RISHTA between us.
We are like a MOHRA in the game of life and its always KABHI KHUSHI KABHI GHUM.
The open FIZA with its changing weather is testament to that so please leave it as AKELE HUM AKELE TUM. Besides I’m already engaged to a guy with ROTI KAPRA AUR MAKAAN.
He’s no KHAL NAYAK like you. And he’s my real HERO, my real JIVAN SAATHI.
And with him I really know YEAH RAASTE HAI PYAR KE and there can be no space in my ZINDAGI
for anyone but him. You’ll only end up causing an AFLATOON because he’s a MAJOR SAHAB
in the Army working on the BORDER and he’ll kill you if he finds out so save yourself from becoming
the foundations of a DEEWAR and leave me alone.
Yours Faithfully,
GHAR WALI BHAHAR WALI.