Chapter Eight
Author: Keishi
BIG FAT WARNING:
Contains m/m relationships
ONLY read if you are of age and open-minded!!
Drayne's body was trembling against his chest, the thin shirt and worn pants doing nothing to combat the mid-September chill creeping in. Smoothing back black, black bangs, Gade murmured soothingly into Drayne's ear, covering as much of the slighter boy as he could with his body and jean jacket. The boy was wrapped around himself, still hugging his knees, still silent and sad-looking and wounded. He reminded Gade starkly of a bird who'd injured its wing. Where all this sadness had come from, Gade could never guess, but it was unimportant right now. Right now was for comforting; for holding and loving. He buried his face in Drayne's neck and sucked in a breath, smelling lemon-scented shampoo. The hairs at the back of his neck tickled Gade's nose, but he didn't care. Nothing mattered except holding Drayne.
If he could have, he would've held him forever.
Finally, after an hour, Will came out and slurred something unintelligible at both of them. Gade ignored him, but Drayne stood up on the rickety floor, breaking contact with the dark-haired boy. Not saying a word, he jumped down to the ground and began walking toward the house at a brisk pace. Gade, puzzled, tried to grab Drayne's hand as he left but the black-haired boy jerked away.
Watching the dark-haired object of his affections leave, Gade couldn't help but feel a bit wounded himself.
--
///Drayne's POV///
I had to get out of there. I was panicking.
How do you tell the one person you've consistently loved for a quarter of your life not to even bother, that you're not worth the pain, the disappointment that's sure to come with falling in love with you?
I knew, I could feel, Gade's feelings pounding against my back as we sat there, on that starry, cold night in my backyard. I've known for a long time that he could one day return my feelings; that my love would eventually pull him in, but I had crossed it off as 'someday' and never really thought about when that day would come. And what I would say.
You see, Gade cannot truly love me. No one can. He may think he does, but he can't possibly. Because I am unlovable.
I was five when I found out. I remember standing outside the closed door of my parents' bedroom and listening to them argue. Usually, it was about me.
"How can you even look at him, knowing the truth? He's nothing like his sister," I heard my father yell. A muffled sob coming through the door sounded an awful lot like my mother crying. I knew, because I'd caught her doing it enough in the early hours of the morning when we were all supposed to be asleep.
"It's unnatural; HE'S unnatural," Father continued on, oblivious to my mother's pain. "My own brother..." he muttered, disgust clear in his voice.
"Peter, please!" Mother wailed. "That's all in the past! David is YOUR son, just as much as Elena is your daughter!"
"David is only my son because my delinquent brother got his ass landed in jail. You think I want another hooligan living in my house? Because that's what he's going to grow up to be, Charlotte! Just like him! Just like Michael!"
I clapped my hands over my ears at that point. I didn't want to hear more. I didn't want to hear anything more about how unloved, unwanted I was.
Back then, my mother had fought for me. Now, I figure she'd just given up, resigning herself to the same distant tolerance that my father always regarded me with. I didn't know which was worse, knowing that my father hated me or knowing that my mother didn't care enough anymore. I hated being who I was, hated being their perfect little boy knowing what I did. I had broken out of that mold as soon as I possibly could.
Only two people in this whole world really knew about my pain, and neither of them were Gade. Sure, I think he suspected, but I couldn't ever outright tell him how unlovable I was... because I loved him.
God, I loved him so much it hurt to breathe sometimes. I would just think about losing him and my chest would constrict. He was the one precious constant in my life since I first ran into him, quite literally, in the middle school hallways four years ago.
Since my sister was away at college, there was only one option left. Reaching the door to my room I palmed it open, not really seeing through the tears running down my face. "Will..." I whispered, screamed, but probably just spoke. "Will, I need you."
A comfortingly tall presence came up behind me, wrapping me in their arms. I openly sobbed as I felt Will's scratchy chin prod my shoulder, bent as he was about my slighter frame. "Will, I love him so much," I sobbed.
Drunkenly, Will maneuvered me to my own bed, plunking us both down on the rumpled covers. He continued to hold me as I cried into his shirt, gulping sobs of all my sorrow, all my agony. I tried to drown myself in the scent of him; the beer, the aftershave, but all I could smell was the clean soap smell that was distinctly Gade. Will's arms were much bigger wrapped around me, but I could still feel Gade's around me, too, could feel his nose buried into the back of my neck. It just made it hurt more, and I let out a cry of anguish, pushing my face further into Will's shoulder as he whispered calming words into my hair.
Still huddled in Will's embrace, I wiped furtively at my eyes, trying to gain back my vision. I saw a tall, black-haired guy standing quietly in the corner of my room, watching me with sympathetic eyes, but before I could question who he was I saw movement in my peripheral vision. Swinging my gaze, I saw Gade, open-mouthed with hurt marching across his features.
"What do you want, McKay?" Will growled, holding me tighter if that was even possible. Gade fish-mouthed at him, pleading at me with large, wounded jade eyes. I watched him, helpless at what to do because I couldn't tell him, no, no I couldn't, not and expect him to still love me. As he turned and fled out of the doorway, I reached for him but Will pulled me back. "Let him go, Drayne," he said softly. "For now, just let him go."
----
Gade couldn't believe his eyes. He had been certain, out on the rotted clubhouse floor, that Drayne and he had shared something exquisite, that maybe Drayne had felt the same for him. Then he followed him back to the house to find him in the arms of Wilhelm fucking Jones!?
The embrace looked everything but platonic to Gade's astonished eyes. Drayne was practically in Will's lap, the latter stroking his back where the shirt was torn, stroking pale moonlight-kissed skin that only Gade should have been allowed to touch, dammit!
Running through the house, Gade knew he was still too drunk to drive back home, so he decided to walk instead. He briefly remembered seeing Carly's concerned face float in front of his vision for a moment, but he had pushed her aside and continued walking out the door.
"Gade! GADE!" Carly ran up to the dark-haired boy, tugging on his jacket sleeve. Her own eyes were bloodshot due to the alcohol in her veins, but she was a bit more coherent than Gade was. "What is going on?!"
"Not now, Carly," Gade replied tiredly, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. He shook off her arm as she tried to pull him back toward the house. By now he was already on the sidewalk, a few houses down the street.
"Gade, please, come back to the party. You're in no condition to walk home; besides, don't you live in another subdivision?"
"Doesn't matter," Gade mumbled, only half listening. "Never mattered, I guess. Certainly won't matter now, I suppose I'll never go to that house again." His eyes were feverish, scaring Carly with their distant, dull gleam.
Suddenly, Carly disappeared from in front of Gade. He was about to heave a sigh of relief when he felt two pairs of rough hands pulling on him, dragging him where he wasn't exactly sure.
"...get him to your house, Chasey." That voice, Gade mused though the fog in his brain. It sounded exactly like Sebastian's... wasn't he supposed to kick his ass? Yeah... Sebastian started this whole mess...
Before Gade could utter another word, blackness overtook his vision. He succumbed to it gratefully.
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