~OPENING~

Mel Gibson as Ben:: I have long feared that my sins would return to torture me, and the bitter agony of it all is more than I can stand to overcome.

Emerich:: Mel you like can't like go and like be changing like all of the scripts like words.

Mel:: Sorry...

~MEL FALLS ON HIS ARSE~

Mel:: Nine pounds eleven point two zero five five two and a half to the eighth power ounces...perfect. ::Sits down, giving a closeup of his booty.::

Ash:: Come on! There are children in here!

Mel:: Oh no you didn't. ::Makes a fake lunge towards her.::

Ash:: Riiiiiight. ::Backs outside, slowly.::

Mel:: ::Sits down slowly, rocking a few times, a smile on his face. He then continues to rock faster and faster and faster.::

Emerich:: Cut! Mel, you are supposed to fall on your ass!

Mel:: ::Sighs.:: Why must you screw my life over so you insabordenant bieng who could never even begin to compare to the almighty god for wich women swoon over, children giggle over, gays go straight over....::One hour later.::

Emerich:: Cause, Gibson, I hold your paycheck.

Mel:: ::Quickly falls from the chair, landing with a thud.::

Children:: Tee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee ::Cough cough cough gag choke hack.::

Ash:: ::Smirk:: Man this film is getting good...just wait until Thomas dies Ben ::Covers mouth.::

Ben:: WHAT!

Ash:: I mean...just wait until you give a hot steamy kiss to your dead wifes sister...::Covers mouth::

Ben:: WHAT!

Ash:: I mean.. ::Slave concs her upside the head with a broken piece of rocking chair.::

~MEETING AT CHARLESTOWN~

Ben:: This war will not be faught in Iraqe...or on some distant galaxy, but amongst us, among our homes. Our children will witness it with thier own eyes, and the innocent burn in the church with the rest of us.

Emerich:: CUT!!! Mel, no forshadowing allowed!

Mel:: Have it YOUR way oh mighty one.

Fat man:: North carolina and Virginia may be at war, but blah blah blah blah.

Greene:: Come again?

Fat man:: Blah blah blah blah blah Ah screw it I am in no way significant to this film. ::Sits back down.::

Greene:: Alright then moving on. ::Raises eyebrows.::

Ben:: I have seven children, my wife is dead, and I have dirt under my fingernails, really frizy hair, a chipped cainine, and no more toothpaste. Who is to take care of my assets If I leave for war?

Audience:: Here here!

Emerich:: ::Whispers:: Not yet.

~A FEW MINUTES LATER~

Ben:: I was entempered in my youth.

Fat man:: Blah excuse for fear...blah blah blahdy blah. ::Sighs, and sits.::

Greene:: ::Says something really intelegent::

Ash:: ::Stands up on table, as patriotic music begins to play in the background.:: Or, my dear sir. Why do we park in a driveway, and drive in a parkway? If the bottle says lather rinse repeat when do you stop? If a women was elected president, would her husband be called first man? What colour was General Washigtons white horse?

Slave:: :: The music stops with the sound of a scratching record, and crickets chirp. The slave runs out of nowhere and concs her over the head with a bit of broken rocking chair.::

Greene:: Meeting adjurned! ::Sighs.::

~TAVY!~

Tav:: ::Rides up on his horse.::

Ash:: WOW! ::Swoons.::

Tav:: I'm to sexy for my horse, to sexy for my sabre, to sexy for my un-i-form.

Emerich:: You alright Jason?

Jason:: Fine, just stepping into my character, trying to find what makes him tick.

Emerich:: ::Sighs.:: Actors these days...

Tav:: Fire the house and barns..let it be known.....::Spots Ash:: Why hello there.

Ash:: Ello. ::Blushes::

Tav:: And who might you be Miss?

Ash:: Your wildest fantasies. ::Wink::

Tav:: We ::Cough:: need to take this young lady in for further questioning...she knows to much...

Slave:: ::Concs her over the head with a bit of broken rocking chair.::

Tav:: ::Shoots him:: You ruin all the fun..

~DING DONG THOMAS DIES!~

Ben:: WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ::Takes a breath:: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ::Takes a breath.:: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tav:: ::Gives him a squinty eyed "What the hell?" Glare, and then shoots Thomas.::

Thomas:: Oof, argh, ig, oog, each, ow, cablooey, Chanele number five, danger Will Robinson, danger, puttin on the ritz! ::Falls with a loud thud::

Ben:: ::Cradles him, crying.:: Oh, my boy, my prodicle son! My favourite child for wich I adored above all the rest!

Other children:: HEY!

Ben:: I mean WHYYYYY GOD WHYYY! ::Looks up at Tav.::

Tav:: STUPID BOY. ::Smirk.::

Ash:: Ooooo!

Tav:: ::After they have set everything aflame.:: MOVE OUT! Sorry I did not get to know you better my dear.

Ash:: ::Jumps onto his horse.:: There's still a chance.

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