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| "KITCHEN BITCH! "(4) A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop, and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now...cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train...cause we're going down the tracks." The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train...but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say..."All passengers, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you, and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She heard her little darling continue... "For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen...." |
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| Funnies Funny Funnies Funny Funnnies Funny Funnies |
| "You have a black mother if..." (5) 1. You've ever been called downstairs from upstairs or the back of the house, or from the front of the house to get the remote, change the channel, or fix her a glass of ice water. 2. You've ever been hit with an extension cord, a switch, or the nearest shoe. 3. You've ever had to pick your own switch off the tree and she sent you back because the one you picked was too little. 4. You've ever been burned on your ear with a straightening comb. 5. You've ever been hit in the head or kuckles with a comb or hairbrush. 6. You've been told to "Shut Up or I'll give you something to cry about "while she beats you with a belt-pronouncing every syllable --- "Didn't --- I --- tell ---- you --- not--- to --- do --- that --- sh*t --- no --- more?!" 7. Your ponytails were so tight, you got those little bumps around your scalp. 8. The white people in the school office (principal, secretary, etc.) were scared of her. 9. You were scared to go home when you had a bad report card 10. Alcohol, peroxide, cocoa butter, and vaseline were the main items in the bathroom cabinet 11. You were never "on punishment"-just got whoopins right out the shower. 12. You've ever been pinched for going to sleep in church. 13. She made you participate in every church activity (choir, Jr. Usher Board, Easter play, Christmas play, etc.) 14. She ever came inside and picked you up from a school dance in hair rollers and her gown or pajamas on under her coat. 15. When you ask her for something, her response is..."You got a job?" 16. You've ever been beaten for something your brother or sister did, just because you were around. 17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it. 18. You've ever been told to turn off the TV, get off the phone, or sit down and be quiet when it's storming outside because the Lord was doing his work. 19. You've ever been hung up on...for calling her collect. 20. Friends, family and friends of the family try to keep you out of trouble because they know your mother and how she is. 21. You were afraid to call the child abuse hotline. 22. She has to pray to GOD.."Lord, please don't let me hurt this child!!" ..Before she gives you a whipping. If you can relate to any of these things then pass this pages on to all your friends and see if they can relate to "KNOWING THAT THEY HAD A BEAUTIFUL BLACK MOMMA, WHO DIDN'T TAKE NO MESS WHEN THEY WERE GROWING UP!!" GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK MOTHERS. (and also some mama who beat your ass like they are. cuz i know some of ya'll out there get a good ass whipping from ya mama too) And if you don't then lucky you, or r we the lucky ones? |
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| "A Voluptuous Woman" (6) A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?" "Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities." "That is correct," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks. "Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer." "That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?" "Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place." |
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| *~P.M's Fav Story number 6! A Voluptuous Women~* |
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| ^~~~~~~~(Todayz Jamz)~~~~~^ |
