Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

Zac stood at the dirty sliding glass door in the hotel room on the 23rd floor. The lights over New York reflected in his tired brown eyes. He was a has-been at the age of twenty-two. Hanson’s second and third albums had been somewhat successful, but with the marriage of Isaac, things fell apart. He wanted to spend time with his wife, and then his baby. Taylor fell into the cliché of rock star life, drinking, smoking and partying too much to be a rock star. Zac traveled a while, tried to start his own band. That was a laugh. No record labels would even consider him, much less sign him, without his brothers. There was no Zac Hanson. There was just “Hanson”. He’d never meet up to the standards all by himself. Drugs didn’t help, he’d been down that road. Sex was boring. Now he was just trying to escape everything, and trying to find out who he really was, without his brothers.

In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there

Zac closed his eyes and wished. He wished he could disappear. That someone, or something, would swoop down out of the sky and rescue him from his wasted life. Once you hit the top you could only go one way. Down. So Zac went further and further down. He was buried in the past. And no one really cared about him anymore. Sometimes he lay in bed at night and cried. Wishing he was eight years old again so his mother would hold him. Zac always loved his mother. She put up with so much for their career. What did she have to show for it? A daddy, a crack head and a nobody.

So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

It wasn’t much fun when they were on the road. Everything had a limit, a deadline. You could never just run out to the mall or go hang out with y our friends. Always so guarded. Everybody wanted to make a buck off of Hanson. Even the fans would sell bootlegs and other things at outrageous prices. Nobody liked Zac for Zac. Even with people surrounding him at all times, Zac felt lonely. He tried to act like he was happy, the hyper boy you always saw. But at night he was crying.

In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

It seemed he’d come so far, yet he’d been nowhere at all. What were you supposed to do when you’ve got time ahead of you but you already spent up all your energy trying to be something you weren’t? Zac opened the doors and stepped out onto the terrace. A slight breeze blew across his face. Zac didn’t even see the point in waking up the next morning. He’d just have the same thoughts. There’d be nothing different. Zac looked up at the sky.
“God…” He said hesitantly, “Where are the angels when you need them?”

back to stories