Lies, I was so sick of lying. We had to keep up an image, they said. So it was lies. No we don’t have girlfriends, yeah we get along great. We’re chummy with our parents and we love the fans. Yeah right, that’s all I can say.
“Taylor, you know I am so sick of this!” Shawna exclaimed over the phone line.
“Shawna I…” I began.
“No excuses Taylor. I thought that I could travel some with you, but no, you couldn’t risk your fans seeing me. Then I thought at least you would admit to even being attached, but that was silly of me.”
“I’m sorry, Shawna.”
“I should have listened to Emily, she told me not to get involved with you.”
“She did?” Emily was my first girlfriend. She had dumped me when I had started traveling to promote Hanson. I was supposed to be popular and loved by millions of girls, why were my girlfriends dumping me?
“Yeah, obviously I was too attracted to you. You should know Taylor, everyone loves you because you’re beautiful, they don’t know the real you.”
“I’ve got to go. Talk to you later.” I slammed down the phone. This wasn’t fair. Isaac’s girlfriend wasn’t dumping him! I groaned and threw myself down on the hotel bed. It smelled too clean. I wanted to be home, with Shawna. Now, even when I went home, there would be no one for me.
“Hurry up you little brat, other people want in there, you know!” I rolled over and opened my eyes. Isaac was at the bathroom door yelling at Zac.
“Shut up! I can take how ever long I want!” Zac replied. I rolled my eyes.
“Ike, go ask mom and dad to use their bathroom,” I said. Isaac turned around and glared at me.
“No! This doesn’t involve you, Tay, unless you want to help me beat Zac up when he comes out.”
“I heard that! I’m not coming out until you leave!” Zac shouted. Isaac began pounding on the door again. I pulled my pillow over my head. I guess I drifted to sleep, because some time later I felt someone poking me.
“Tay, mom said get up now.” It was the ever sensitive Zac.
“I will.”
“Now.”
“I will!”
“She said, now.”
“Get the hell out, Zac.”
“I don’t have to, I live here too.” I growled. Zac left the room. I pulled myself out of bed and threw a tee shirt on. I wandered downstairs. I stepped over a pile of Barbies at the end of the stairs. My sisters seemed to forget how to clean up after themselves.
“It’s about time you joined the world, Taylor,” My mother said, in her ‘I’m irritated at you, but I won’t show it’ voice.
“Yeah, good morning,” I said. Sure, whatever.
My nerves were shot. I didn’t care about much anymore. Everyone was accusing me of being on drugs, which I wasn’t. I was just, out of it. Everything had grown old. I didn’t even think I knew how to be normal anymore.
“Taylor, tell me the truth, are you on something?” My father looked at me, grimly.
“No! How many times do I have to say that! I’ve never done drugs, or smoked or screwed or any of those fun rock star things!” I snapped, close to tears. That was something that bothered me, I cried.
“We are just worried about you!”
“Well worry about the others! I’m fine!” Maybe he should be worried about Isaac and Zac. I certainly didn’t know what was going on with them. We used to be close, but that had dissolved quickly after our stardom began. I stormed off to the room that had been appointed for my brothers and I. Another clean smelling hotel room. I didn’t know where my brothers were. Isaac had met some cute fan, and was no doubt having some fun with her. Zac, who knew where he could be. I lay on the bed, looking at the ceiling, it was my habit. Looking at ceilings and comparing them. Look at what my life had come to. I could hear my parents talk about me, they didn’t bother lowering their voices.
“Walker, I just don’t trust him. He’s always tired, and emotional. He doesn’t try to do anything anymore,” Came my mother’s voice.
“I know, Diana. I don’t know what to do about him.” They didn’t believe me. They didn’t trust me.
I closed my eyes. I wish they would all disappear. Thousands of screaming girls. Plus some others. I was totally surrounded by fans. “I love you, Taylor” read the imaginative signs among the crowd. How could they love me, I didn’t love myself. They didn’t even know me. My breath was thick, I could hardly sing, but no one seemed to notice. Isaac threw his “I’m sexy” look to a few of the girls in the crowed. Everything thudded loudly in my mind. I hated them all. I wished I were alone, in some quiet place. I wanted to scream leave me alone. I couldn’t, if I did imagine the trouble I would have been in. I suffered through the concert, and the next, and the next. It all blended together, and I told myself I liked it. Tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. Tell yourself lies long enough and you begin to live them.