“I’m so sick of this, stupid, fucked up, bullshit, that they all call life!” Taylor said angrily.
“I know you are, Taylor, I just wish you’d let me tell your mom how you’ve been feeling…” Taylor’s friend, Lindsay, replied, placing her hand on Taylor’s arm. Taylor shook her off. She had no idea how he’d been feeling. The type of thought’s he’d been having. There seemed to be a little voice in his head chanting “death is beautiful” constantly. He dreamed about it all night, and thought about it all day. It seemed to be the only escape for his pain. He planned how he’d do it, the note he’d leave, everything. He just seemed to be waiting for the moment.
Lindsay knocked on Taylor’s bedroom door. She heard a drawer slam shut. Taylor called for her to come in. She pushed the door open and Taylor was lying on his bed, looking at the ceiling. She jumped on the bed beside him. Taylor had been her best friend since they were four years old.
“Hey, Taylor, are you feeling any better?” She asked, curling up next to him.
“Yeah, I am,” Taylor lied. Lindsay smiled and gave Taylor a hug.
“I’m so glad!” Taylor felt a pang of guilt. He felt bad for lying to Lindsay, she only wanted to help. But then she’d tried to stop him. And he just had to do it. There was no way he could stand living the lie he was living. He wasn't Taylor Hanson pop super star. He was just plain Taylor. That’s all he wanted to be, but no one would let him be it. No one really knew the kind of things he thought, except Lindsay, she knew a few. His brothers hardly talked to him, they didn’t have the relationship they showed to the public. Nothing was how it seemed.
Taylor pulled the pillow hard over his ears. The voices were screaming at him. Do it! Do it! Kill yourself! No one cares what you think! Taylor sobbed into his blanket. Why couldn’t they just go away? He wanted to call Lindsay. He wanted her to tell him a joke. He tried to get up, but the light was hurting his eyes. Taylor pulled open the door beside his bed. It was his father’s gun. The one he kept deep in his office drawer that he thought none of the kids knew about.
Lindsay pulled on her sandals and ran downstairs. She grabbed the book she had picked up at the library that Taylor had wanted to read.
“Mom, I’m going over to Tay’s house!” She shouted, letting the door shut loudly behind her.
Taylor loaded the gun slowly, feeling his way around the smooth metal. He had his eyes closed tight, trying to block out the painful light. The voices grew louder and louder. It was all he could hear. He couldn’t hear the washing machine, he couldn’t hear Zac’s music blasting from down the hall. Just the voices.
Lindsay rung the bell at the Hanson’s house, and it was promptly opened by Jessie. Lindsay smiled at Jessie and headed up the stairs. She was distracted for a second, when she leaned down to give Zoë a kiss.
Taylor cocked the gun and brought it up to his mouth. He placed it inside, facing upward. “Do it! Pull the trigger! Now! Now!” Taylor found the trigger with his finger.
Lindsay brought her hand up to Taylor’s door.
Knock. Knock. Boom.