Past Masters - the Archives

Week 64 - week ending 12 October 1999

There seems to be three major recurring themes that came out of this one - the ol' superglue trick, the many possibilites with body (in particular, tongue) piercings, - and the inevitable suggestions of new camera positions for Jennifer.

However, you should know my warped sense of humor by now... (just recall some of the other famous winners of this competition), so...

I have decided to pick Frank as this weeks winner. Just a reminder of how important illustrations would be in helping correctly interpret instruction translated from other languages.

This weeks picture was sent in by Darcy H.

Not fully comprehending the instructions to her new Palm Pilot, Jenni attempts to "Grasp bottom lip firmly and pull to remove battery cover".

Other Entries

Ron - "Damn static electricity. I wonder what happens if I try to touch the monitor."

DBobb811 - "Now you did it Geofry! I told you to wash your hands good after using SUPER GLUE!"

Marc M. -

"OK Jenni!! Three more twists and you got the new worlds record of 22!!! Go Jenni! Go Jenni!!"

"How many times have I told you, tongue + superglue = disaster!!!!"

"yummmmm, printer's ink, ggghhhhhhh"

"I have to think like a gopher, if I'm to kill the gopher" (Bill Murray - Caddy Shack voice)

Menno -

"Hmmm... There is a weird stain in this book too. (((SSSLLLUUURRRPPP))) Maybe I should stop drooling when reading... Where's my towel..."

"...once upon a time there was a cute little girl with a red cape... Boy this is scary!"

"Mosquito-bite on lower lip... mosquito-bite on lower lip... mosquito-bite on lower lip... Nothing inhere on how to cure that..."

Whippet63 - "Come on everybody!!! The lip bone's conected to the jaaaaww bone....."

Louis C. - "Let see, it says 'after drilling hole in tooth, attach Molar-Cam with the supplied screw'..."

McGrafton - "Pierthing thideway ith stwange."

Denelle H. -

"Man, I have hair in my mouth again."

"I am never going to ask my cat to fix me a drink again."

"I'm having a hard time keeping my mouth shut thanks to this bill for the dent on my car."

"So this is how you have oral sex."

(Thinking)"I bit my tongue a little too hard."

(Thinking)"These tongue exercises sure do help the tongue to relax."

"Yuck...This tofu diet book says that this is edible."

"I didn't know oral sex can be so hard on the tongue"

"My new tongue camera lets my viewers see what I read, eat, and kiss."

"This new tongue camera is great."

(Reading)"I didn't know my tongue can come out that far."

"I don't like this new edible hair diet."

David B. - Jenni spends the day installing her new import tounge.. "Press in, tounge will click in place..darn.. batteries are not included"

brm4 - "Nearing the end of the final chapter, Jennifer proves to the world that her promise to read 'The HTML Style Guide' before Thanksgiving was more than just lip service."

Billy Goat - "Darnit! The instructions to this home tongue piercing kit are in Japanese!!"

Matt K. - 'The Waim im Thpaim fallth mainwy im the Plaim'

Eric H. - "Cannabilism is over-rated..these finger tips are delicious!"

Bryan D. - Unbeknowest to Jenni, her newly installed "Mouthcam" was really a refurbished "Rectomcam"

Jeff R. - "Thing" strikes again!

Buddy B. - "Perhaps I will just pass on the new JenniTongueCam."

Greg L. - Thing gently guides Jenni's attention toward his journal where she reads "Look woman, I don't give a damned what you eat but I want some meat!"

John C. - "Wookin' pa nub in aw duh wong paces, wookin' pa nub."

Bill B. - "The item number should be listed on the bottom of the inner lip"

Carl A. -

"Hmmmm......Oral Surgery Home Study: Lesson #1..??"

"Hmmmmmm......Oral Surgery Made Easy."

"Hmmmmmm, Facial Surgery at Home."

PyThomas -

Jenni actually manages to take the words right out of her own mouth.

"Okay, Jenni, try to remember... how did you get that text line off the screen again?....."

Jensenblu - "Phew! Here it is. To remove super glue from skin or lips...."

Jenny S. - Jenni is captivated by the chapter on tongue rings in her new book "A Step By Step Manual For Home Piercings"

Perfgeek -

Jenni shows us how she keeps the cams going with bubblegum, but still won't show us what she does with the baling wire...

Having gotten the bubblegum to just the right consistency, Jenni is able to stick the cam back on the wall.

Jenni learns furballs aren't just a feline affliction.

Jenni debates the relative merits of the tongue cam.

Jenni checks to see if she can be fitted with a tongue cam.

Meet Jennifer, web mistriss, and literary critic.

"Just how _did_ they get theirs to reach that far?!?"

Monique - "Look it's a yo yo!!-ow it's thtuck!!'

tazy - "Lets see... Step 1: Firmly grip toungue. ... Step 2: Plull dlownl harldl. "