Past Masters - the Archives

Week 68 - week ending 7 December 1999

Again a bag full of whitty and drole captions from the legion of JenniFans out there. You guys make it difficult to pick a winner, and it seems a few of you are catching on to my warped sense of humour!

So, for expertly coniving this colourfully Kung Fu caption, I hereby award this weeks win to HENRYF1.

Honarable mentions also go to 144b for the Skunkcat one, and to Generik for FeatherDuster Girl.

This weeks picture was sent in by Gerry

As Jenni reads aloud from her "Kung Fu for Cats" training manual, Pistachio expertly assumes the feared "skunk position" defensive posture.

Other Entries

Michael K. -

"Man these new Joysticks are a handfull!"

"The all new way to hide that zit!"

"No I don't have any change in my pockets!"

This aint Jenni!

*this is Jennis cat thinking* -

"Ha ha ha, time for me to get a shot at fame!"

"Perhaps if I pass wind infront of the cam everyone will go away and I can get some attention!"

"Here take my gas!"

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek a ferret!"

144b - Among the oddest creatures around is the dreaded Skunkcat of East Walford. Unlike the skunk, the skunkcat has no glands to produce it's odor. Instead it must use a diet of cabbage & beans to make it's powerful stench spray.

Generik -

Despite good demographics among housewives and Puerto Rican cleaning ladies, FeatherDuster Girl just never had a chance at being a Superhero. Even the Mystery Men wouldn't give her a look.

Most free porn sites aren't nearly this graphic...

It's not widely known, but the rare Persian Rainbow cat is able to maim and sometimes kill with just one sweep of its powerfully-muscled tail.

"I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Demi-ACK!! *cough choke sputter* Get it off me! I'm allergic! AAACCKKK!!!"

"No, no, no! You've got it all wrong! I said I didn't give a RAT'S ass!"

"Bestiality is such an ugly word... I prefer to call it just plain old kitty-lovin'."

JenniCam is on vacation this week. In its place, we have substituted the also-popular Island of Dr. MoreauCam.

JoeCrow -

"So.... you can O.D. on Rogain......Who knew?"

"Certainly not the best kept bikini line I've ever seen...."

BuckFifty - Upon presenting her bold costume designs for the upcoming 'Grinch who Stole Christmas' movie, Jenny discovers the lack of 'vision area' would be more of a problem than she had originally imagined. *strutting* "..and I was thinking of this one for Cindy Lou WHOA..." *trips* *falls down stairs* *thud* *crash* "AH! MY ELBOW!" *bump* *smack* *thok* "*groan*... any questions?" *passes out*

CaveDweller -

"WOW!! This new tissue dispenser that allows me to pull the tissues from the cat's ass that I bought on QVC is GREAT!!!"

"OH BOY!! My 'Let's Build a Life-sized Don King Model' finally got here! Let's see. Here's the wig...."

"HA HA! I got you now, Jenni! Ya know what they say, you only RENT toilet water!" *PPPPSSSSSSSS*

Jenni really doesn't give a cat's ass if you like her site....she wouldn't give a rat's ass either but well, the cat ate the rat!

Mik -

"Ewwww, facial fuzz!"

"Didn't I just shave there? Damn birth control pill side-effects!! I didn't know it'd get THIS bad!!"

"Run, he's lifting his tail!!!!"

GoLeftRacing - "I've got to clean this place-these dust kitties are really getting big."

KayeAnne15 -

Pistachio: "My litterbox is full. Mind if I use your lap?"

Jenni: "Tash, I don't care what you think, you're not a skunk."

Pistachio: "Move along, Citizens. Nothing to see here."

Tragedy struck today when Tash discovered a power cable...

nashtbrutusandshort -

"In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes? Not if I have anything to say about it. Meow."

A pillar of smoke by day, a pillar of fur by night.

Whatever you do, do NOT open the spray.exe file.

When Court TV merged with Animal Planet, they found THIS cost-effective replacement for the blue dot.

vsial - "Which way to the litter box Jen?"

Nel-z - "I hate it when men think of me as 'just a piece of tail!'"

Taylor B. -

"Where is my webcam?"

"I need to be more careful with te miraclegrow next time."

"Opps!! I sneezed and out came a hairball."

"I wondered what was up in my nose"

"Guess who?"

"Have you seen this cat?"

007 - "Jesus Christ cat! What did you eat ?!?"

Tony Y. - "This fabric softner sucks..."

Bradley H -

"Jenni, with powers beyond mere mortals, suddenly sneezes a cat into existence."

"Jenni watches helplessely has her keyboard is efficently pounced upon and killed."

"This is the best Halloween costume ever!"

"Have you been helped?"

"I gotta clean this keyboard."

Moments before the confrontation over litter box placement turned nasty.

HENRYF1 - A photo of the calm scene before the violence that ensued, as Jenni makes the final adjustments on her new "Cat Ass-cam".

Jensenblu -

"shopping list: toothpaste, shampoo, STATIC SPRAY"

"Maybe if I sit real still, they won't see me."

Jealous of all the popularity that Jenni has received, Macadamia decides to try and steal the spotlight for herself."

Michael P - "I have to stop buying that cheap shampoo at the Dollar Store !!"

Marc M. -

"Gees, Geof, I thought I told you to stay away from Pistachio when I am away!!!"

"Poot!" "Uhggg, what did Geof feed you while I was away?!!"

"NO Kitty!! Don't bite that wire!!!"

"See, Look! 10 pounds of air pressure is all it takes!!"

"Uh, no thanks, Pistachio, I'll use a tissue to clean my nose!"

Matt K. - "Take that Ferret ! (And you thought you were the only one with a sent bag)

Angela -

"I'm rrrrrrrrready for my close up, Mr. Deville."

"If you're happy and you know it, raise your tail!"

Pistachio becomes entranced as she reads Jenni's latest grocery list. "Mmmmmmmm, Friskies!"

In protest of organic cat food, Pistachio determines to deny Jenni's viewers of their daily Jenni fix.

tazy - "Man, that hair restorer really works!"