Past Masters - the Archives

Week 71 - week ending 18 January 2000

Christmas time is such a wonderful time for family and friends, and this weeks competition pic finds Jennifer entertaining three very dubious looking characters. All of which adds up to some intriguing captions. They might be a bit big for "elves", but that didn't stop any of you guys witty lines.

I though Perfgeeks line about the ferrets was *very* off beat, but, for sheer International snub value, I have to pick amycamus and the tip on effective remedies for guests that stay a bit too long. *grin*

This weeks picture was found on a German JenniFan site.

"Hello? Canadian Board of Immigration?"

Other Entries

jensenblu - "Yes, that's right Mrs. C. you have those elves deliver the gifts here and I'll have my men set Santa free."

Tony Y. -

Jenni, devoid of holiday spirit, is visted by the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future. Despite what she had previously been told, the spirits were not really all that frightening. In fact the entire encounter had left her with an empty feeling inside, as well as an empty candy dish.

In what was to become a life changing experience, Jenni swears off drinking forever rather than face the apparitions she had come to call the 'Pink Elephant Crew' another night.

"Hello, exterminator?"

"Oh, hi Geofry........no nothing, just another boring day at home.......I was ju-----what do you mean you got your computer fixed?!?"

amycamus -

"What, right now? Check out the cam. Yeah, that's right. The Beastie Boys. Here. Now. Man, you should see how fast these guys can go through a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts."

"Yeah, it was a helluva rough one this year, what with all the Y2K stuff 'n' all. But we're home now. The reindeer are all stabled, and me and the old man are just hanging out with a couple of elves."

"Awesome Christmas! I got some really nifty stuff. A shot glass, some potpourri, a vase full of salt, a Garfield notepad/calendar, some 8-tracks, and a nifty magenta-colored biohazard disposal box."

Perfgeek -

Three fallen elves try to sell Jenni some holiday "cheer" from Santa's stash.

Jennilocks sells porridge back to the three bears.

Despite what happened to victim number one, victim number two refuses to believe that the ferrets Jenni placed in the box _really_ eat peoples' hands.

Gregory P. - "We just applied at 'Man Power' and our first assignment is at the North Pole!"

KayeAnne -

"Having subdued the holiday burglars, Jenni forces them to paint her toenails..."

"Suddenly Jenni found herself surrounded by hardcore rapper elves..."

Geoff: "...I never knew they made a 'Caboodles' tool-chest..."

DrPatMan - If you guys think I'm gonna play "Mrs. Claus and the Naughty Elves" again....you're seriously mistaken.

nashtbrutusandshort -

In Jennifer's neighborhood, the Jehovah's Witnesses are rougher, tougher, and much less color-coordinated.

"And let my colleagues and I just show you, Ms. Jennifer, what accepting Mary Kay as your personal lord and savior can do for your life."

"Oh, #@%& -- this is my kid sister's makeup. The books are in the hot tangerine case. *Sigh*. We're the WORST encyclopedia salesmen ever."

Carter F. - "I now present to you.......... the Grape iBox!! .....oh ,,,,yeah........ummhmm ... uh.... cool .....yep bitchen dude."

Bruce L. - "F Flounder"

Inarush4u - Santa's elves keeping busy during the slow season selling Avon products.

hawk - "Yo, Santa ain't down with toys no more. He needs a better ride so you gonna score some smack or what?"

Generik -

Blisters, one of the Macy's elves, pays a visit to Jennifer and her friends and informs them that if they haven't been good this year, not only will they receive lumps of coal for Xmas, he will personally have them all killed as well.

"Hi. I'm elf Larry. This is my brother elf, Darryl, and my other brother elf, Darryl."

"We're giving you a chance to take any two of the personal toiletries here in this purple box, or you can trade it for what's behind that closet door, over by where my buddy Pete is eating a sandwich."

"Are you SURE John DeLorean got started this way?"

"It's a travel box of Maxi-Pads. Merry friggin' Christmas."

The Elf Mafia visits Jennifer, asking for a piece of the web-cam action, and prepared to give her an offer she may or may not be able to refuse.

Michael K. -

"In this case is a large amount of money from Bill Gates, all we are asking you to do is..............."

"Alright boys we got the ransom money, lets leave Jenni and celebrate our hostage holding escapade."

HENRYF1 - "Jenni listened with interest as Santa explained the new "Casual Friday" rules at the North Pole."

Bob S. - "Why yes, Mr. Landlord, the heat in my apartment is JUST fine!"

tazy - "Yes Santa, we've all been VERY good this year, haven't we guys...?"