Past Masters - the Archives

Week 72 - week ending 1 February 2000

First of all, I must make a huge apology for the delay in this "weeks" competition results. And, yes PAGE2B, I *do* realise its been that long (your entry is good - but not good enough - sorry). See, I happen to have a real life that sometimes demands my time - diversions such as this lowly competition get shunted down the priorities sometimes. Doesn't mean I don't care about you guys, and all, its just that, well...., you know how it is.

This time of year is hell at the best of times, but for some reason getting my new students organised, and my teaching timetable settled (do you *know* how many revisions of the timetable I've had this past few weeks? - no, and I guess you don't care either *grin*) has been doubly difficult this semester.

But anyway - I'm here now, and what a great load of entries I have to pick a winner from.

Tony Y's Forcefeedback game controlers one really went down well, as did KayeAnnes Aussie TV one (well, what did you expect?). And having recently seen Blair Witch project, I can appreciate where amycamus is coming from with that one! Joe S has just given me an idea on improving my Tetris score 8^D. Perfgeeks comment on Jenni vault and landing was spot on, but for sheer powers of observation, I have to give this one to Daniel W.. (hmmm... wonder exactly what the "blue thing" is?)

This weeks picture was found on a German JenniFan site.

"... Or was that "lift up your HEAD and insert the blue thing between your LEGS?"

Other Entries

jensenblu - "Theeeeey're here! asleep, Jennifer doesn't realize she is being sucked into her tv."

Tony Y. -

Taking into consideration Jenni's sleeping habits, her doctor decided that insomnia might be her healthiest alternative.

Jennifer has a unique way of seeing though her cable companies scrambled channels.

Force Feedback controllers for Sony Playstation: When we say 'Watch out for that tree!' we really mean it!

Jenni began to suspect that her dentist had overdone it a bit on the novacaine....

MMinlionic - Jenni decides that the trapeze she received for Christmas really needs to be set up in a much larger room.

Gregory P. - May be I should see a doctor about my back pain?

synaethesia press -

Jenni, attempting to open her third eye with a blue crystal, discovers that through some quirk of the aether, her first two eyes close!

The instruction video isn't too bad, Jenni thinks, but I just can't get my head-CAM to go in.

"Maybe THIS will cure my asthma!"

Jenni trains for her launch into cyberspace.

KayeAnne -

Jenni: "Geoff, are you sure this lumbar-support pillow is supposed to be used like this?"

"Reaching for a book on the top shelf, Jenni is suddenly struck with narcolepsy..."

"Damn Australian TV... I hate watching programs from down under..."

FROB - I hate it when I get a hole in my pocket.

amycamus -

No matter how hard she tried to follow the camera, Jenny still wound up getting sick from watching "The Blair Witch Project". The muscle pain wasn't much fun, either.

She tried pharmaceuticals. She tried alcohol. In desperation, she even tried making the blood rush to her head. But nothing Jenny did seemed to make "Patch Adams" bearable...

By staring at the screen from a number of odd angles, Jenny is finally able to figure out all there is to know about "The Crying Game".

Joe S. -

"Wow, and if I turn and look at the screen this way, my score of 0009 becomes...6000!"

"Yeah, I know what those Guest perverts are thinking...if I stay in this position long enough, my top will come up higher..."

nashtbrutusandshort -

Unfortunately, Jennifer's new sofa did not come with instructions.

"Hey -- it works. The excruciating pain in my neck is distracting me from the fact that network TV really sucks."

Jennifer discovers that the more blood you have rushing to your head, the more interesting The Weather Channel becomes.

Carter F. - One of the most important aspects of yoga is to experience gravity in different ways! For an extended period of time.

Bert - Jenni gets the worlds worst toe cramp...

Inarush4u - "I really gotta pee.................."

Fred R. - "I'm gonna have to sew that hole up in my pocket ! It's hell getting my change!"

hawk - "What do the doctors know. I can clear my own lungs."

Dan L. - "I just have to get a better antenna" Charles C. - "Jennifer,the human sling shot"

agbert - "I've fallen upside down and can't see the TV!"

Michael K. -

Hic, those boys, hic, told them not to have too much tequila, they even left the case full of money.

Alright who put crazy glue on my couch?

Frank - "Wow, they really DON'T wear anything under those kilts!"

mitchymunchingmonster - The guys going to go apeshit once he see what we've brought home. Are your sure it was such a great idea dragging her out the window?

wildchild - Even upside down there's STILL nothing on.

Louis C. - "nope.. this movie I rented doesn't look any better form this angle either!!"

Clint T. -

Geof gets the last laugh and flips Jenni's TV upside down.

Jenni tries out Roseanne's fertility method... results are pending.

Jenni's new favorite fitness show: Synchronized Underwater Aerobics.

generik -

After 17 hours of continuous television-watching, the only thing left in Jennifer's head was the blood rushing into it.

Practicing up for her new gig as a Lamaze Class instructor.

"By this time, my lungs were about to burst..."

After the elf left, Jennifer found that she was constantly sweaty and itchy all over, and just couldn't get comfortable, no matter what position she tried.

Unclear on the exact positioning, Jennifer attempts to perform the song "YMCA" while lying on the couch.

Taylor B. -

"I think the TV looks better upside down"

"You call this an exercise?"

Jennifans are at home right now trying to figure out what is going on with Jenni's brain .

Jenni's cats have taken control of her body, but they are trying to figure out the controls.

Jenni's brain is on vacation temporarily.

Jenni has found the reason why people fall asleep at night: because people have poor brain reception , which its power comes from the sun. People can stay awake longer at night if they get there head low enough, with their legs acting as an antenna.

"I'm bored".

"I love eating tofu upside down."

Mike F. - "I thought this TV is supposed to be interactive !!!"

Thomas B. - "I try never to talk out my ass.....but I CAN watch TV out of it."

Dale S. - Jennifer wishing that she had tied the gravity boots on tighter.

PyThomas - Now available for your TV: the life-size adjustable JenniAntenna!

perfgeek -

Jenni links with the uterine tracking network to help locate the Mars Polar Lander.

The things Jenni must do for decent T.V. reception...

"Sure, the landing looks bad, but the vault was great..."

"Please kids, do not try this at home..."

Peter M. - "Ok... so i am upside down. NOW if i could just reach my water bottle ....these damn hiccups!!!"

CWeissberg - "I'm pretty sure they said having blood rush to me head would make me smarter !"

David P. - "I see a bad moon risen...."

PAGE2B - Jennifer stands on her head, trying to get Tazy to post this week's winner. It only took him a month to post "last week's" winner.

AaronGM - "Damn, gravity still works."

Steve G. - "This oughta stop my boobs from sagging when I'm in my 60's"

tazy - Jennifer tries out one of the positions from the new Karma Sutra - Book of Sleep.